Friday, April 9, 2010

Game Four: The Last Day of the World, Ever. So They Better Win Or We're All Doomed and Babies Will Cry And...

Yawn. Yeah, the doom and gloom stuff gets old really quick. I couldn't even keep it up for what? Fifteen seconds? I think it's a sad state of affairs that I'm being one of the rational ones. Usually, I have the weapons waving around in the air declaring marshal law until the damn Red Sox do what I want them to do. How come this time around, I'm the one watching everyone else freak out like the armageddon is upon us? Why? It's not fair! Stop making me the rational one! There would be years when I'd be freaking out over early season losses and people would say 'relax, it's only April'. Now those very same people are texting me, declaring the world to be over because we lost two games. Goodness, is this karma, or what? Maybe I'm stuck on the island, and living in an alternate reality at the same time. But what the hell do I know? I still haven't figured that show out.

I'll tell ya, though. I got a HUGE laugh when I started reading about how people are questioning Victor's abilities behind the plate, even going so far as to say maybe Tek should have been handling the pitching staff all along. You're kidding me, right? Seriously? I can guarantee that every person complaining about Vic was in the mob last year that demanded that the captain's ass be glued to the bench because 'we're going to be so much better without that useless piece of garbage Varitek behind the plate. All the offense from V-Mart will be great! GREAT!' Ok, so that wasn't verbatim. I find this point hard to argue, because I've always said that I don't care what I get offensively from Tek as long as he's calling the game we all know he calls. I really don't want to hear it. Not at all. Put Varitek behind the plate. Awesome. I support that decision all day and night. But if I hear from ONE person that V-Mart needs to be in the lineup because Tek's bat is done once you get my darling back in there, it's entirely possible that I'll go on some kind of horrible rampage.

I'm not a violent person by nature. I just can't handle this much stupidity all at once. It hurts my head. Why should my head hurt?!

So, I'm going to answer/respond to some of the more popular questions/comments I've heard. This'll be fun! I get to use sarcasm! Here goes!

Q: Should we permanently bench Papi and let Mikey get all of his AB's?
A: Shut up. It's game 4. Mikey will get his chance to play. Also, may I remind you that Ortiz was the only one with an RBI in game 3? The only one. You want to take our only offense out of the lineup? While we're at it, why don't we banish him to the moon or something. It's only fair, right? He dared to hit just as well as JD Drew. He should be punished.

Q: Should Mike Lowell start at DH against lefties?
A: Only if his numbers against said lefty are better than Papi's numbers. Papi had better numbers against Elephant Man. He's never going to work his way out of his slump if you don't let him play.

Q: But didn't you say that last year about Papi? You said he would work his way out of the slump!
A: He did. His numbers weren't glamorous, but he did pick it up. Man, I am so sick of the 'what have you done for me lately?' attitude.

Q: But the reporters for the Herald/Globe/Internet site said....
A: That's your problem. Stop listening to them, stupid. They're trying to rile you up.

Q: So, John Lackey is our one and only ace now that Beckett and Lester failed against the Yankees.
A: No. Please see my previous post. Look over the numbers. If you don't know what the numbers mean... then I just can't help you. But trust me, Josh and Jon will be just fine.

Q: Should Varitek be Beckett's sole handler?
A: No. God, do you just repeat everything angry fans ramble about? Ok, Varitek is my first baseball love. No question how much I love him. But right now, his job isn't really to play baseball. I know he has that contract that says it is, but you should know that he's only being kept around because he's mentoring Victor and he's helping with the progression of the itty bitty baby catchers. You can't allow Beckett to never reach that level of comfort with Victor this year, because then next year when Tek is gone, we're screwed. Let Jason teach Victor the way, and let Victor apply the lessons. In time, you'll stop thinking such ridiculous things.

Q: Pitching and defense hasn't won games for us yet! It's not working! This is horrible!
A: Yeah, but pitching and defense did happen to help us win World Series titles in 2004 and 2007. I don't know about the rest of you, but I sort of think it's a good idea to let it work its magic.

Q: Yeah, but you can't win games if you don't get any run support!
A: You also can't win games if every time you get run support, your horrible pitching and your suspect defense give a whole bunch of those runs back. Patience, feeble minded folks. Half of our infield is new. 2/3rds of our outfield is new (technically, Jacoby being in a new position counts, since he's working from a whole new perspective). Settle down and give them time to adjust.

Thanks for participating, everyone. I'm sure I'll have to have a few more of these in the future. As for right now, I'm looking forward to seeing Timothy take the ball in Kansas City. Please, folks, don't say anything that would make me cry. Give Tim your support, and cheer the rest of the team. Lugo's gone! There's no reason to dislike ANYONE on the team!

Oh, and Joe West? You suck. Shut up and do your damn job. And, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but you go, Mo. Awesome comeback.

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