Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Scutaro Saves The Giants: And Other Thoughts That Annoy Me

Marco Scutaro was the NLCS MVP.

Josh Reddick won a gold glove.

John Farrell is the new manager.

The first two annoy me because they won awards for other teams when they should have still been on our team. Give me one reason other than payroll that Scutaro was traded away. I LIKED Scutaro. He was one of the few who didn't quit in September 2011. And Reddick? There was just no reason to trade him. Who the hell did we get? Bailey? I don't want Bailey. Give me back Reddick!

Guys, this infuriates me. Instead of asking why can't we get players like that, I ask why we don't keep players like that? Why get rid of Reddick? Why trade Scoots when we clearly don't have a shortstop. Oh, I'm sorry... Nick Punto was the shortstop, right? Fantastic.

And Farrell? I don't have faith in a single person that our front office lusts after. They have a horrifying track record of lusting after the wrong man for the job. Lugo. Renteria. Dice K. Drew. Lackey. Failures. And John's record in Toronto leaves me nothing to feel warm and fuzzy about.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm finding it very hard to feel positive about this team for any reason. Just sign David Ortiz and give me a reason to give you my money, Red Sox. All I want is one damn reason.

And Bobby V. is an asshat. I don't need to justify. I just think he's an asshat.

So, here's what I think our lineup will look like next season:

Jacoby Ellsbury - CF - for the first ten games of the season until he breaks himself. To be replaced with random outfielder or infielder from Pawtucket and/or the local Quick Stop.

Dustin Pedroia - 2B
David Ortiz - DH
Amadeus Saltalamacchia -C
Who - 1B
I don't know - 3B

At about this point of the lineup card, fans are randomly selected from the crowd to take the field.

We clearly don't have a SS. I don't think we have any legitimate outfielders left... Loney isn't coming back to play 1B. I guess Middlebrooks might be on 3rd, but we'll see if he gets healthy.

Don't even ask about the pitching. It's just slightly more terrifying than the worst zombie movie you've ever seen.

Happy Halloween, everyone. Any chance the Red Sox pull some treats out for their loyal (and cranky) fanbase, or do they just keep assaulting us with tricks?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Gone, Bobby, Gone

More official things... Valentine has been canned.

Now he doesn't have to worry about a sneaky, scheming bunch of coaches. He can focus on coming up with the next big sandwich craze. Good luck,  Bobby. Seriously. I don't blame you for all of this, you were just the wrong person for the job.

I'd say we can let the healing begin now, but I'm afraid we've got a long couple of years ahead of us, folks.

Thanks: And Goodbye 2012 Sox

It is now officially over. My team laid down and got sexually assaulted by the Yankees for the last three games in a row, putting their end of season losing streak at 8 games to finish out the year.

Thanks to everyone who came by the blog this year and read my whining. I know there was a lot of whining, and a lot of sadness, but your visits cheer me up.

Congratulations and good luck to all the teams that made the playoffs... except the Yankees. F@!K the Yankees.

I hope everyone on the current roster is shipped to the Zimbabwe fall league this year, never to return. I'm glad to hear rumors that Bobby will be fired soon. It doesn't make me feel better, I'm just glad to hear it. And if somehow, in some terrible-miracle sort of way he manages to come back? I am turning in my Sox hat and going to live in a bomb shelter under a mountain somewhere. Listen to me, Lucchino! I do NOT want to live in a bomb shelter!

In what should have been a giant party all year long, celebrating the 100th anniversary of the park I love so much, there was just misery. We finished in last place, we lost the voice and the heart of the team (Rest well, Johnny and Carl), AND we handed the division to our rivals. On a silver platter, served on the backs of our pitching staff.

Can I call them pitchers? Throwers, maybe. These guys can't pitch.

So I hope when they clean out the lockers, the names that currently hang above them are never replaced. We clearly need some new blood on this team.

Also, I'll be DAMNED if this team gives Pretzels $100M. We've had enough of those kinds of mistakes.

So there you have it. A miserably, whiny post to conclude a miserable whiny season. I look forward to the winter and to watching how this team is disassembled and then put back together. Listen guys, even if next season is worse that this one, it at least won't hurt so badly, because we're ready for it. Enjoy cheap tickets at Fenway!

I'll see you all during the winter meetings.