Monday, June 30, 2008

The guys at WEEI: They just don't get it.

Before I start, this is all I'm going to say about that weekend series.... 1) Losing a series to the Astros should be a crime punishable by lethal injection. 2)There was nothing that I considered 'ok' about that series, especially since we lost hold of first place. 3) If losing to the Astros isn't punishable enough, leaving 13 men on base should be grounds for torture chambers. I mean, come on! No one could get a hit with runners in scoring position? Really? Not even Munchkin, who's been hitting everything in his path (kinda like Manny... but on the field). That AB by Munchkin in the 7th with the bases loaded was one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen. He's never looked so bad in his major league career.

And Varitek... well, I love him anyway. So shut up.

As good as it was to see Lolo, it would have been nice if our guys could have, you know, stopped him from driving in every run imaginable. I guess that's too much to ask. Stupid interleague play. Stupid Red Sox pitchers who didn't get a single hit in this miserable circus they call interleague play.

Back to the point. I was listening to WEEI this past week, and I'll tell you, those guys (regardless of what show), have in one week become everything I hate about male baseball fans. I know not all guys are ignorant, or obsessively negative, but those are the qualities I can not tolerate in people. So for every time I've turned on WEEI this week, I've pretty much turned it off right after.

It started with the pink hats conversation. "It's not about gender," the afternooners complained. "It's about attitude." Well, I definitely don't like their attitudes. How come every time a guy called into the show, they got to speak their minds and hang up, but when a female called into the show, she was quizzed on her baseball knowledge as if she should be treated like she's stupid. It's not about gender, huh? Then how come I didn't hear any guys getting quizzed about what a hold is, or what a Texas leaker is? Why were no guys asked to how to calculate ERA, or what SLG stands for? No, it was just the girls having to prove their fandom. I guess it IS about gender after all. How dare females attempt to enjoy sports. Everybody knows that girls don't know anything about sports, and don't actually like sports, and are only in the park to look fashionable. Ignorance.

And then this morning, hearing the guys complain about everyone on the roster, and complain that the media isn't hard enough on the players, and just generally be unhappy with life. This may sound hypocritical because I did start my blog by complaining about the team, but I still love them. I love Munchkin. I'm not going to make a blanket complaint about him and his season. And I'll never say anything bad about Jason (I guess I'm just not hard enough on the players... they have it too good). I heard them complaining about 'Tek, and complaining that no one else is complaining about 'Tek, just because he's the Captain. No, you don't complain about him because he's a veteran, he's a leader, and as cliche as it sounds, he brings more to the game than offense. Why complain about him? We need Jason in the game whether or not he's hitting.

But I didn't hear them bitching about Lugo! But then again, I'm a girl, so I don't know WHAT I'm writing about.

Ok, I've vented. I feel better. I'm looking forward to a good series against the (Devil) Rays. Even if we lose it.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Jonathan Patmybum: Too big for the bullpen


As promised. Pictures from Wednesday's game. Most of them are of Paps and Tek, considering home plate is a decent distance away from the bleachers...

This is CRW, doing his best impression of someone who doesn't know he's being photographed.

The bullpen band, getting ready for rehearsals.

Mike Lowell versus Randy "Illiterate" Johnson.

"Randy" Moss showing off his latest dance moves.

The Admiral figuring out who to make into a bullseye next.

Patmybum getting ready to take it off.

He's such a poser.

Oh no, he spotted me!

So he decided to hide

Little known fact: Patmybum likes to pretend he's a seal.

And there you have it. Pictures. Enjoy folks.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Timmy Wonderpitches: I have NO idea why I just wrote that

Actually, Timmy Wonderpitches is a pretty good nickname for him. Because you always have to wonder if his pitches will stay in the park, or sail out sadly.

I was invited by a dear friend to the game last night, and dear friend, if you are reading this, THANK YOU! We sat righ above the Stop and Shop sign, in the first row of section 36. Great seats. Great views. Perfect position for me to get my obligatory Varitek pictures.

I'll admit, I'm superstition, but the one game I went to where I did not take any pictures of Varitek this year, we lost. So, I firmly believe that he must be photographed. I also got some extremely amusing shots of Jonathan Papelbon vogue-ing for the camera. I love my camera. I love it dearly, and I love taking pictures with it. As soon as I upload some of the shots, I'll share them. Some of them are really pretty funny.

So Grumpy hit three doubles.... stop laughing, he really did. He was huge for us last night! CRW got one hit, no steals (disappointing), and Manny struck out three times, but it was ok, because Tim only gave up 2 hits. Even Randy Johnson can count to two*

*On a side note, I always figured the reason he was so grumpy was because he didn't know how to count. I know that's completely not true, but it's funny to think about.

Kevin Cash can hit five home runs a game, and I will still not like him. Unless he literally becomes Doug Mirabelli, I will never accept him. The great thing is, I'm not the only one who feels that way. So hit your home runs, Cash, but know that we still don't like you.

I did witness a sad event. Sad as in pathetic. After Cash hit that fluke home run of his, people were filing out to refill on beer and bathroom time. One guy was walking and turned to his friends and said, "So that was Pedroia who hit that home run, right?" Ugh. At least if you're at the game, pretend that you know what's going on. Although I'll give him credit. He knew that it was a home run. But Cash and Munchkin aren't really easy to confuse. You fail, random bleacher fan.

Seriously, even with my camera on Paps and Tek all night, I STILL knew what was going on with everyone on the field. That lack of knowledge of what JUST happened makes me sad.

One of the best parts of the game was watching the silly outfielders Chris Young and Justin Upton completely mis-play Coco's last double. Since I was right by the outfield wall, I got to stand there with the great people I was with and thank them for messing up the plays. Young did not look appreciative of the attention, but hey, we were being nice. It's not as if we were screaming that he sucked. We just said thank you, gave him a thumbs up, and sat back down. Silly outfielders.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Trot Nixon: His sadness makes me sad, too

Beware, Trot Nixon lovers. If you're anything like me, the following picture will make you very sad.

This isn't right. It's not right by any stretch of the imagination. And while I admit Drew has been playing better as of late, this still doesn't sit right with me. For a man who played his ass off for us, he deserves a far better fate.

Trot Nixon, my friends, is a Met.

And as if being a Met wasn't bad enough, his hat is clean. It's as if the Mets organization sucked the joy and life out of this poor man. Look at him. He's graying. He's unhappy. His eyes have lost that lovin' feelin! My heart breaks just looking at this picture.

Well, Trot Nixon... I still love you. I know that doesn't count for much, though...

Jason Varitek: A God among you Mortals

I don't care what anyone said about Jason in his last 40-something at-bats....

.... he's still my favorite damn human being ever to wear a baseball uniform.

PS - Thanks for the game-winning RBI, Captain.
PPS - Oh, and thanks, Mr. Awesome, for the game-tying RBI's...

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Josh Beckett: King of Hard Luck losses in '08

Beckett deserved to win this game. He pitched like an ace, and aside from a bad inning, he would have won. But no, he didn't win (again). I swear, this guy loses more games 2-1 than anyone else in the league*

*Disclaimer: I'm not doing the actual research, so yeah...

I love the Captain, dearly and with all my heart, but he's made me nervous lately. It was nice to see him get a hit last night, because he needed it. Too bad the rest of the team did absolutely nothing with it. You know, I'll give Manny credit. He at least hit the ball, and it almost squeaked by into left field. We just weren't meant to win this game.

But it's all ok. It's ok that our guys are playing baseball like they're allergic to their bats (thus needing to get their bats out of their hands as soon as possible). It's ok that we can't even get runners into scoring position, never mind hitting with runners in scoring position. It's ok that we technically don't have a first basemen right now (you deserved it, Youk). It's absolutely fine that Tampa Bay is one game back, and the Yankees are only 4.5 games back. It's fine that we can't support our ace with runs, even if 2-3 isn't a lot to ask. It's fine. Do you know why?
Because we're still in first place. And we've got Fetus pitching tonight. Don't worry, folks. The Red Sox will be ok.

It's ok, Josh. You pitched well.

.... and just on a side note, this may sound weird but, stop voting for Red Sox players for the All-Star Game. Really. They could use a rest. Especially Varitek. Let him stay home with the kids for a few days and recoup.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Oh, and one more thing...

Hey Kevin Youkilis.... seriously, shut your ugly mouth.

You don't know how good you have it in Boston. Why don't you try playing for a team like Seattle right now? They're not winning, they're last in their division, and no one cares about them. I bet you would be happy there, wouldn't you.

I read on Dirt Dogs a few minutes ago that Youk was bitching about the silence at Fenway on Sunday. Do you know why it was silent, Youk? Because you and your band of merry men weren't DOING ANYTHING! After Paps blew the save, the life got sucked out of the park. Literally, you could feel it. Everyone fell back into their seats and just stared. Had any of you guys bothered to take a few pitches, and maybe not ground into double plays, the place would have erupted. But you didn't, so what do you expect? You really believe fans are going to scream out of their minds for THIRTEEN innings after having to sit through a rain delay? You're crazy. You try it sometimes. Try sitting in those uncomfortable seats at Fenway, getting periodically rained on, watching your team basically do nothing for thirteen innings. You try cheering the whole time. You're lucky you even have people cheering for you.

So how's that for negativity, you little crybaby?

Over at, I found another instance of Youk bitching. I had read this before but I needed somewhere to link it to.

"Boston is lucky right now,” said Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis. “We just hope finally one day the fans will realize how special it is. There should be such a positive overtone in this city, because there’s so much going on. We still see on a daily basis, there’s a lot of negative. It just doesn’t make sense. You need to realize how lucky you are to have championship teams and teams that compete and go to the playoffs.
“I think the fans need to realize that there’s no more suffering in Boston. If they want to see some suffering, they should go to Cincinnati and watch my Bengals."

We cheer all the time. We (and by "we' I'm talking about the average Red Sox fan) support the team even when we can tell you're not trying that hard. When Julio Lugo was in that vicious slump last year, what did the fans do? They cheered for him! (Ok, not everyone did. I don't like him whether or not he's hitting). Youk and the rest of the players get treated like GODS in this town, and because of that, we expect more from our players than maybe some other cities do.

Maybe you should actually look around the park when you come up to bat. You see all those people? They're chanting "Yooooooooouk!" because they're supporting you. You see all of those signs professing their love for the Red Sox? Yeah, they're from people who are there to support you. For God's sake, the hundreds and thousands (and millions) of people who show up to the parade to celebrate with you guys when you won? What on Earth do you think those people are doing? They're supporting you! But maybe you don't deserve it.

I'm not a perfect fan. I sit silently for Lugo's AB's. When JD Drew came to town, he got the same silent treatment. Now that he's shown me he can be an important part of this team, I give him the same enthusiasm I give everyone else. I do not boo any players during game time. You have to support your team. Or you sit there and shut up. Booing is not appropriate. But don't victimize yourself by claiming every Red Sox/Boston fan is negative and we need to appreciate how good we have it. Screw you. It's obvious Youk has no idea how passionate the Boston fans typically are. Either that or he doesn't care. Maybe we'll let the Astros take you home with them, and see how you like their fanbase.

There's enough Boston-sports-fan bashing going on around the globe without you contributing to it. Where the hell is this negativity that you have such a problem with? I want to know. And if you can't provide an answer, then I suggest you STFU and play, and we'll keep cheering you on (whether or not you deserve the support) Ok?

Joel Piniero: Couldn't pitch like that for us.

He did not pitch well. I need everyone to understand that point clearly. Joel Piniero is not a good pitcher. He's not even half as good as our boys made him look yesterday afternoon.

I was at this game. Sitting through the absurd hour-long rain delay when there was NO RAIN. It rained about 20 minutes before the game was scheduled to start. The following hour of sitting in sunshine with the tarp on the field was beyond annoying. Maybe it was another way for the front office to make more profits off of beer and hot dogs, and OH what a sales day they had. A rain delay AND extra innings? That's the type of baseball day that Larry Lucchino fantasizes about from his delightful lake-view house in hell. That's right folks, Larry Lucchino is the devil, and that lake is the infamous lake of fire.*
*Disclaimer - I have no firsthand knowledge that Larry Lucchino is the devil, nor do I have knowledge of where he actually lives. For all I know, he's a very nice man, but he LOOKS evil.

Joel faced 26 batters. He struck out one, and walked one. He threw first pitch strikes to 16 of them. Only 16 out of 26! Fifteen of our players has at-bats that were less than three pitches. We certainly did our best to make his return to Fenway a grand one.

My mother accurately predicted before the game that it would go 13 innings. Of course I believe her when she says these things. I recall a certain game between Boston and Chicago right before the ASB in 2005. We played 19 innings. Guess who predicted that one? That's right. Mom did. She wanted to leave at the end of the 10th, and to be perfectly honest I was with her on that. We were at the park all day. So no, we did not see Asshat hit the walk-off, but we also didn't witness the miseries that were the 11th and 12th innings. I hear those were brutal.

Binky did a great. He got himself into a little trouble in the 6th, but it should have been easy enough for the hitters to make up for his mistakes. Too bad they all wanted to make Piniero look good. They should not get paychecks this week for making Piniero look good. Shame on you, Red Sox!

For God's sake, it was JOEL PINIERO! He WANTS people to hit off of him. See?!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Curt Schilling: Sports Hero

I'm going to expand on this later, but...

If it is the end... if it's truly over and nothing is left but the goodbye, then thank you, Curt, for all you've brought to Boston.

You can not possibly imagine how much you've meant to the baseball fans in this town.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Off days are for losers.

Actually, off days are just boring. Adding into the fact that yesterday was an afternoon game of which I got to watch exactly ZERO minutes, that's two days in a row of baseballlessness for me. I do not appreciate that.

Considering that gameday always has java errors on my computer at work, I was also not allowed to keep track of the game, so I really have no firsthand knowledge of what went down. Apparently, Fetus pitched well but was limited to five innings. JD (who really deserves a better nickname at this point) and Mr. Awesome lit it up at the plate. Pretty Woman almost blew the game. Strike-out-king Manny Delcarmen (who did not earn that nickname from striking out batters) saved the game, but that dancing fool Papelbon got the credit for the save. POS still did nothing useful.

I want to emphasize how annoyed I am with the rotation. I've gone to a pretty little handful of games so far this season. I want to see Beckett pitch. Before the season, I wanted to see Schilling pitch because I have never seen him pitch live. It never seems to work out. I've seen Beckett pitch, but come on, I love the guy. I want him to pitch every time I'm at the ball park. He always wins, or at the very least, we always win. The last two times I saw Beckett pitch live were at the Mother's Day miracle game last year (Ducky won that game for us. POS was trying to end it with a loss), and Pedro's return to Fenway. Both resulted in wins. So who have I seen pitch live this year? Dice-K twice, Wakefield once, Buchholz once, and Lester FOUR FREAKING TIMES. Granted, I got to see the no-hitter and I adore Binky, but c'mon, give me a break. Let me see Beckett just once this year!

I thought I would be seeing Beckett, because of the way the rotation fell. Colon was not pitching; he's hurt. Dice-K was pitching Saturday. Lester had pitched on Tuesday. There was one logical choice for Sunday's pitcher.... Lester? What?! NO! It was supposed to be Beckett, but Tito, in his endless quest to cause my death, decided to give Beckett extra days off. Of course he did. Tito, you can kiss my...

As usual, I will support Binky and I will adore Binky, but when do I get to adore Beckett?

Anyway. I want to clarify my stance on sports. In case anyone was wondering why I made a banner for the Celtics and clearly stated that I don't like basketball.... I support Boston sports teams. All of them. Even the Revolution (as long as you don't make me watch a game). I have allegances to the Red Sox, the Patriots, the Celtics, the Bruins, and every other damn sports team in Boston. I support college sports. I will not watch them, but I support them. Because I'm proud to be a Boston fan, and I believe in taking pride in your city's sports teams. I never want to see another city kick the ass of any Boston sports team.

I will watch football, basketball, and hockey only when they are in the playoffs, because that many regular season games would drive me crazy. I tried desperately to get into football this past year, but the truth is, I don't understand the rules completely and the game itself frustrates the hell out of me. Basketball I don't actually dislike. I used to love playing basketball. And in my own little junior high team, I made two all-star squads and was team captain for 2 out of my four years. So basketball is ok with me. It's just that watching it tends to get a little boring at times. Regardless, I root for the Celtics even if I don't watch them. I tend not to watch them.

But I do follow them. I have different friends that are intensely passionate about these sports that keep me updated on them. I know people who will update me on the Bruins if I haven't been paying much attention. I'm aware of what the Revolution is doing, generally. And in this town, how could you avoid knowing what the Pats and Celts are doing. No one ever needs to tell me whats going on with the Sox.

Which reminds me of a funny incident. At Lester's no-hitter, a 'gentleman' introduced himself to me and my friend. He asked if I watch the Sox a lot, and he was surprised when I answered "Of course I do. I watch almost every game." As if the notion that a fan at Fenway caring about the Red Sox was so ridiculous, the 'gentleman' countered with "No way. Really?" Ugh. People.

However, you will never see me wearing any Boston sports shirt other than my Red Sox gear (nothing I own is pink, thank you). The only exception is my Tedy Bruschi jersey which I bought because A) I was trying really hard to get into the sport, B) Tedy is awesome and I love his Papa Gino's commercials, and C) It was on clearance. I'm not going to pretend that I'm crazy in love with the three other main sports in Boston.

But I do support them.

Go Red Sox.
And everyone else.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Hey Lakers... You Got Rondo'd!

Congratulations, Boston Celtics on your 17th NBA Championship!

The city of Boston couldn't be any prouder of you.
Neither could I.
And I don't even like basketball!

Binky: Shutting up the Phillies

Binky was just about everything I was expecting out of him tonight. He threw strikes. He was efficient. He went deep into the game, and he gave up no runs. None! Imagine that. This was the tone that needed to be set for Boston sports tonight.

We saw the decaffeinated versions of Drew, Manny, and Tek tonight, but even that didn't matter. Jolt-cola Coco stepped it up again and provided us with all the offense we needed. Munchkin's still in his little slump, but that kid is making pitchers work. Moyer only lasted five innings, so again, Munchkin does his job and works the pitcher and helps get them out of the game early.

Oki and Paps were brilliant tonight. Very nice work by the both of them. Perhaps the aliens that have periodically replaced them returned the originals tonight. If not, then those aliens have been practicing. Good job, extraterrestrials!

I don't know about everyone else, but I'll be watching a basketball game late into the night again. I'm hoping it's the last one this season. If I'm not too tired, I'll post in the morning.

Go C's!

Bartohno Colon: Bartolo's less talented twin

That, good people, was not Bartolo Colon. That was his far less talented brother Bartohno. So don't be surprised if for his next scheduled start, the real Bart has no idea why people are asking him for an explanation of his last, miserable start. He will have no recollection of it. He did not pitch.

Bartohno, on the other hand, looked terrible. He looked terrible on the mound and at the plate. Come on, Ohno, even I wouldn't swing at pitches like that, and I have no kind of baseball training whatsoever. It was just our luck that Frankie and POS were getting on base in front of him, and he just failed to drive them in. Needless to say, Ohno did not help himself last night, but he did hurt his own cause.

The Admiral's ERA has jumped up to 7.06. At least that's what they said on WEEI this morning, and I'm inclined to believe them. 7.06 may be my favorite day of the year (that's July 06th for anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about), but it makes for a lousy ERA... a terrifyingly lousy ERA. The Admiral is all washed up, but why does he have to take the ship down with him? Sorry, Admiral, you know I love you but please stay away from the mound. Thanks.

WHY does Tito torture us with these stupid, stupid pitching decisions? There is no situation I can think of where I actually want the Admiral on the mound in a 2-run game. Maybe if we were playing against 7 year olds, I'd throw the Admiral out there, but at that point I'd just be ashamed. If we can't overcome a 2-run deficit handed to us by 7 year olds, we have no business playing in the bigs. Knowing Tito, he'd probably ask Julio Lugo to pitch. The guy can't even get the ball anywhere near first base, do you really think that he can get it in the strike zone? Yeah, neither do I.

Damnit, Tito. Just damn it.

Even Munchkin's 3 hits and back-to-back homers with JD did nothing to save us. Manny must have grounded into 18 double plays last night. With Manny, all things are possible. Admittedly, I did not watch the last two innings of the game. I was tired from watching another Boston team lose late into the night on Sunday, and I'm actually very tired right now from being annoyed at the two Boston teams who have trouble on the road. It's going to make for a long two days if the Celtics can't get it done tonight. I'm just saying.

It's up to Binky tonight to set the tone for the evening in Boston sports. No pressure or anything.
On the plus side, David Ortiz had his cast removed... it's never bad to have Big Papi one little itty bitty step closer to returning.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I call Kevin Millar "Ducky"

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop myself from using this nickname. He doesn't look that much like a duck, but it works. Kevin Millar has to be Ducky in order to keep the universe in the right order. I mean, for chrissakes, I started calling him "Millar" and they decided that Pluto was not a planet! Talk about the universe being messed up. So he is Ducky. And he is my Ducky, and I love him.* I genuinely love when the O's play the Sox, because I get to see my Ducky, and even when he doubles consistently off our ace, it makes me happy. I can't envision a world where I don't love Kevin Millar. But I try to avoid envisioning the world where he loves me back, because honestly, that's just a little bit creepy.

*Disclaimer: Pluto not being a planet had absolutely nothing to do with my temporary discontinuation of the nickname "Ducky." Nor is Ducky technically "mine." But I will claim both anyway.

It's days like this that I miss Doug Mirabelli. I love that man, for reasons that far outweigh any benefits he ever brought to the team. Do not misunderstand - he brought great benefits, but my love was definitely out of proportion. I'm sure I'm not the only one who misses Doug Mirabelli... because more than anything else, I hate Kevin Cash. It's like he's pretending to be Doug, and that's just not acceptable. I mean, what's with the stupid facial hair? Doesn't Cash know that it's a Mirabelli trademark?! Besides, wouldn't everyone much rather look at Doug every fifth day? You know what? Even if I'm alone on that, I don't care. I don't see why we had to dump my beloved Dougie for that wanna-be Cash. Face the facts... Cash is no better than Doug at anything. He can't hit better, he can't catch better, and he really can't even run better. As far as age goes, Wakey's going to retire soon, so it's not like we were going to have Dougie around for much longer anyway. But now, he's gone, and I miss him so. I hope he's happy where ever he is.

Best quote I've heard from Beckett in a while: "We can get it from pretty much anywhere."

Ponder that

And by the way, who the hell replaced decaffeinated Covelli for this Jolt-Cola version? Man, this guy's actually got a personality?! Who would have known? I love it though. Covelli's talking and hitting. I will not complain.

So we have Bartolo going tonight against Cole Hamels... assuming he doesn't eat him first. Cole Hamels sounds like something you would be served in a German restaurant. Let's hope for his sake that this is not the first thing that pops into Colon's head. Let's get to the game!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

CRW: Burning Up the Bases

That kid is ridiculous. It's so much fun watching him steal bases.

Fetus deserved the win on Friday, but the bats just couldn't wake up for him. Wakey deserved the win on Saturday, but our bullpen just couldn't allow that. So today, the Commander pitched his giant, Texan heart out and picked up the win that none of our other starters managed to get.

Being ever-critical of Mr. Beckett, I was not happy with his first three innings, but those last four were fantastic. Even though he didn't get any base hits himself, I was overall really impressed with his work today. Yeah, it was the Reds and they're one of the worst teams in baseball. Usually the Sox have a hard time with bad teams....

But hell, even Coco managed two home runs in this series. The God-who-loves-the-Red-Sox was smiling on the boys down in Ohio this weekend.

Now hopefully that same God is on his way to L.A. to smile down on some other Boston team.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Michael Averett Lowell:Making Life Grand

Was that not one of the prettiest things we've gotten from Mikey Doubles in a while? Don't answer that. It WAS. It was one of the best things Mike has done all season. Sure, he's done plenty of other wonderful things, but this one my friends... this one opened up supernatural floodgates and released magic upon all things Boston. Yes he did! But Mikey can do that, and that's one of the many reasons he is Mr. Awesome. I bet you can't do that. No supernatural floodgate opening for you. Nope.

It's always nice to see the Admiral have a clean inning, too. I'm fairly sure that murder rates in Boston go down when the Admiral is happy. Like I said before... would you arrest him for shooting people? Yeah, neither do the police. They know when to just let it go, and Theo Epstein knows the consequences of not getting that man a new contract. Why do you think he's still employed. I love the Admiral.

MDC also pitched well, but the story on the pitching mound was my Binky. I was at Binky's no-hitter. It was one of the proudest moments in my life as a baseball fan. I don't think I need to mention what was the proudest moment was. Ever since they brought up Binky from the minors, I've felt protective of him... which I know is weird, but honestly I don't care. A lot of people put a lot of limits on the skill of this kid, and although many others didn't limit him at all, I felt he had something to prove. Well, folks, pay attention because Binky's been proving it. He's a really good pitcher. I don't care what people say about him. I love this kid as much as you can love someone you've never met. I'm sorry that I call him Binky, because that's not tough or inspiring, but it fits. At least in my mind it does... Anyway, don't think for a second that some of Mikey's awesomeness didn't contaminate the pitching staff last night. It did.

And somehow, it also found it's way all the way out to LA. Did you SEE that comeback?! I didn't. I went to bed. Could someone tell me about it?

Come on, Celts. Banner 17 is ready and waiting for you guys. You just need to finish the job.

And dispose of that annoying Bryant fellow, would you?

Oh, and by the way POS... don't think I haven't noticed the addition to your errors collection. God, I hate you...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Bartolo Colon: Easing the Loss of Dice-K

First of all, do not panic. Dice-K is not lost. He is merely misplaced. It happens to all good pitchers every once in a while. Don't worry, someone surely gave him a map back to Fenway by now. I'm excited for his return because it will give me an excuse to use this picture: Hey look at that! I found an excuse!

It makes me happy that this signing worked out for Theo, because I have one less reason not to like Theo, and I really don't enjoy not liking Theo. Sad truth is, I don't like him. Regardless...

Bartolo pitched well. The best part of the game, of course, were the beautiful home runs by the Captain and Mr. Awesome. Neither had been doing terribly, but they also hadn't been doing much, so this was nice to see. Especially since the Captain was under the weather, I feel all the more amazed that he was able to will that ball not only over the wall, but onto someone's windshield in a kind gesture to give someone a surprise souvenir. Unfortunately for now, I can't find a picture of that, so you'll have to do without. The Captain... he's a giver. He's not too bad to look at either. (That would be an understatement)

I did not see the last two innings of the game for undisclosed reasons (that I assure you had nothing to do with coffee). I did hear that the Admiral was not, to be kind, sharp. But do not kid yourselves. His hunting arrows are quite sharp, and he knows how to use them. And he's not afraid to. So, be kind to the Admiral, or you might have to pull a hunting arrow out of your skull. My guess is that it would be something you would not enjoy. Just a guess though.

What else happened last night... hmmm... OH! I know. One of the .500 teams in our division lost. Actually, ALL of the .500 teams in our division lost. So did those pesky (Devil) Rays, which is nice. It's always good to get a little bit of a lead before we head out on the road. Lord knows we'll need it. One more at home, then it's time for some interleague!

You can at least pretend to be excited.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Bullpen Band: Really off Key

Ugh. Let's face it, that just sucked. But it's ok, because hell, it's June and we're still in first.

Tito is an idiot. I am not one of those people who hates Francona. On the contrary, I rather like him as a manager, and I support his stupid decisions. There's just a warm spot in my heart that makes me unable to completely hate idiots (unless they are Yankee idiots). Also, he's not an idiot regarding everyone. He manages his position players very effectively. I just don't like what he does with the pitching staff. No, I'm not talking about how he spits tobacco juice at them when they walk into the clubhouse. I'm perfectly fine with that. Sometimes I question if Tito is watching the same game I am... my answer to this question is usually 'no, he's watching an episode of House right now.' That is the only logic that explains why he thinks his pitchers will get out of jams they've created themselves. Because that's what House does. Don't deny it.

I know I could not do any better with the pitching staff. If it were up to me, every night that Beckett was not pitching, he'd be in the damn bullpen to pitch relief. And his arm would fall off, oh, I'd say right about three weeks ago. Javier Lopez would never feel a mound under his feet again. Jon Lester would pitch ANY day he felt like it, and Dice-K would only be allowed to pitch on eight days rest. Timlin would only pitch in blowouts, and would be given the job of bullpen enforcer. I would equip him with a rifle and allow him to shoot anyone inflating a beach ball. You really think authorities would arrest him for that? Neither do I. Beachballs have no business at baseball games. So don't vote me in as manager, America. I wouldn't do that to the team I love.

Lucky for me, NOT being in a position to actually make a difference, I can complain all I want and feel completely justified in doing so, as long as I preface the complaining by assuring everyone that yes, I do love this team, and I believe in the manager, and Dennis Eckersley should never shave off the 'stache.

This is my reasoning for the bullpen woes (I'm going to completely ignore the fact that it was 97 degrees with somewhere around 100% humidity during game time yesterday)... they're not practicing enough. No, not practicing baseball! I'm sure they do that plenty. They aren't practicing the band enough! I almost never see it any more.... come to think of it, I don't even remember the last time I saw the bullpen band play. Is it Aardsma's fault? He joined the 'pen and suddenly the music stops? I don't know. What I do know is if you don't practice, you're going to fail in the recital. 7th inning was the recital for Okajima-san, and let's just say he was nowhere near the sharp notes (this is my attempt at pretending I know something about music, so I apologize).

They'll be ok. A few late-night band practices and they'll be right back to normal. They will win games again, just like they've done so many times before.

The Commander, however... I'm just not so lenient with him. When Commander Kickass is on the mound, I expect hellfire and brimstone. I do not expect 70 pitches in 3 innings, and I find that completely unacceptable, as I'm sure Mr. Beckett does. From what I understand, he holds himself to very high standards, so it's only fair that I'm able to hold him to the same standards. Put aside the fact, for the moment, that Beckett is my favorite pitcher in all of baseball right now(Don't tell Pedro Martinez that though. It'll make him sad.) , and has been for quite some time now. I expect him to at least pitch marginally better against the Orioles than Flyswatter pitched against the Royals, and I got no such results. That's the problem with expecting the best... you're almost always disappointed. He's on this team to bring badassery to a new level, not to give up doubles to Ducky. Bad outing. Poorly pitched game all around. Maybe if he would stop sleeping on the job....

But I still adore Beckett, and I still love Okajima despite his many failings this season. And yeah, Tito, I still like you, too. Let's just not make a habit out of this whole losing at home thing, ok? Thanks.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Fetus: Developing into something wonderful

Fetus pitched well today. Any time you can match up with Erik Bedard and come away with the win, you've done well. This little person-to-be really intrigues me because I can see him turning into something great. Hell, he already has more wins than Flyswatter does as a starter, and he comes with far less hype.

In the bottom half of the innings, Nancy's been doing his best Papi impression to show us why he was worth the money. Did I think it was a good deal? Hell no! And I never will. Little Tek could be batting .025 for the season and sentimentality would win me over every time, and I'd at least platoon him out there in right. Seeing Nancy in #7 is a slap in the face to me. But he's been producing, so I guess I'll cut him some slack this time. Good job, Nancy. Thanks for your contribution.

Does anyone else think it's wrong that POS has a higher batting average against Bedard than anyone else on the team? How is it possible that he has a higher batting average against anyone? I just don't get it!

Munchkin may be in a rut, but he did some great things in his AB's today. I'll give the little one credit for getting Bedard out of there after the 5th. You can't tell me that working the pitch count has no positive effects. Had Bedard pitched nine, Fetus would be walking out of there with a ND, I'm sure of it. So congratulations, Red Sox, and congratulations Fetus. One more day in first place!

To Fetus: A message from Pedroia regarding your 3 major league wins:

.... well, you get the point anyway....

Oh, and another win for that basketball team everyone keeps talking about.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Covelli: The Revenge-Bringer

Grumpy has earned a place in my heart. Never in the history of him wearing a Sox uniform have I been more proud, or entertained. This affection may only be temporary, but oh, Grumpy, thank goodness for you. Never did I think you had the stones to charge the mound. You proved me wrong!

Yeah, he'll get suspended, as will a handful of (Devil) Rays... who, as we all bore witness to, are still relatively evil deep down. You can take the Devil out of the name, but you can't take the evil out of the players. That's the God-who-loves-the-Red-Sox honest truth. Carl Crawford, you've made Joshybear's list of people to remember... at least I really, truly hope you have.

I want the fear of the aforementioned God to be inserted, painfully, deep into your soul... if you even have one.

We all know Gomes is on the list. And the Yankees. He's not going to forget mop-up-man Farnsworth throwing at Super Manny's head. I assume he doesn't forget these things. Because when Joshybear is on the mound, I want the badassery to flow from his angry, Texas fingertips and explode in the faces of the evildoers. I, undoubtedly, will laugh and point at little fools like Carl Crawford. You know... they know... we all know something will happen the next time the Sox and Rays/Yanks face off. We know it. We feel it. We want it. You can almost feel it burning in the pit of Joshybear's stomach. Ass-kickery and badassery abounds!

This, of course, is assuming that anyone else on the Sox actually cares about Grumpy. We're going to pretend they do. For today at least, I do to.

Good job, Grumpy!

Oh, and I heard the local basketball team won a game, or something.

Cast of characters:

*Warning* Contains stupidity and nonsense. ... and vulgarity.

Considering I'm really only going to refer to the players by their nicknames, everyone else on earth may have a hard time figuring out who it is I'm writing about. So, let's just get this out of the way early, and move on. Please note that most of these nicknames are the first damn things I blurt out when I see them on the field or on any given gameday, so no offense intended.

-Jason Varitek: Captain, Tek, Quadzilla, Darling, Love, Precious... just about anything I feel like calling him at the moment.... it's usually fairly clear that I'm talking about him. Nothing bad will ever be said on this blog about Jason. Nothing. I don't care if he strikes out 500 straight times by swinging at that pesky high fastball. I don't care if it's discovered that he's resposible for Doug Mirabelli's firing. I don't care if he's responsible for nuclear war. I don't care if he just drove a van full of dynamite and malaria straight into a ICU center and intentionally maimed a bunch of babies and old people. I don't care if he sets fire to my dog (I don't have a dog, so he can go right ahead). Jason is exempt. Because I've seen where this team goes without him, and I do not like it.

-Kevin Youkilis: 1st half of the season - Youk. 2nd half of the season (after the ASB) - Asshat. I like Youkilis, but that's his nickname from July to October. No exceptions.

-Dustin Pedroia: Munchkin, kiddo, little guy, shorty, Scrappy-Doo. All the short jokes go, with love, to Dustin. Come on, he looks like he's 12!

-Julio Lugo: Piece of Shit. Usually abbreviated to POS. Not to be confused with fat, useless piece of shit (FUPOS) AKA David Wells. I do not like Julio Lugo, and you shouldn't either.

-Mike Lowell: Mr. Awesome, Mikey Doubles, my handsome Cuban friend (he's not really my friend... but 'my handsome Cuban stranger' doesn't sound right). Mike Lowell slander will also not be tolerated, as I am certain it's illegal in most countries.

-Manny Ramirez: Manny Being Manny (MBM)... which is what most people call him. Super Manny, at times. Usually nothing too bad, even when he's dogging it... I like Manny.

-Coco Crisp/Jacoby Ellsbury: Jacoco/Cocoby Crispbury. Our centerfielders are interchangable, so are their names. Both Coco and Jacoby can be either one (or both) on any given day. You'll know which one I'm talking about, because he will be the only one playing that night. (IE - if Coco is playing center, and Jacoby is riding the pine, then Coco automatically becomes Jacoco Crispbury)

-Coco Crisp (when he and Ellsbury are playing): Grumpy

-Jacoby Ellsbury (when he and Crisp are playing): Chief Running Water (sometimes abbreviated at CRW), Navajo Nightmare, Speedy

-JD Drew: Nancy, Glassman, ect.

-Kevin Cash: does not deserve a nickname. Does not deserve a job. How the hell does he keep getting in the park?!

-Alex Cora: Prince. He only gets base hits when doves cry.... in purple rain.

-Sean Casey: Frankie, the Mayor. Since he runs like Frankenstein's monster, but I just don't have the willpower to call him Frankenstein's monster every time he's at bat. He came with the nickname "The mayor"... who am I to deny him that one?

-Doug Mirabelli (shut up, he's still on the team!): Dougie, Hitman... with my apologies to Bret Hart, Sexy Italian Catcher (SIC), Pizza-Loving Doug (this was actually never proven, just assumed)

-Brandon Moss: Randy, Kurt Wagner. I'd explain the Kurt Wagner thing, but no one would get it anyway.

-Justin Masterson: Fetus... ok, this one needs a little explanation. Since he looks younger than Pedroia, and it's almost impossible to be younger than Pedroia, he gets demoted to fetus.

-Josh Beckett: Joshybear. Yeah. That's the first thing that comes out of my brain when I see him. Joshybear. Only a real man can pull that off. On occassion, he will just be Beckett. Other days, I tend to like the nickname he received over at Commander Kickass. That one will pop up on occassion, but I take no credit for it.

-Mike Timlin - Admiral. He can't be the Captain, and he can't be the Commander, but he needed something that shows he's in charge (at least of the bullpen pirates if not his pitch location)

-Craig Hansen: Pretty Woman.

-Jon Lester: Binky. I don't know. I'm really protective of him. I don't like people badmouthing Jon. Badmouthing Jon is like slapping amputees*. There's just no need for it, and I find it in bad taste. (*but it's nothing like slapping manatees... and if you're going to slap a manatee, please record it and send me the video. Thanks!)

-Clay Buchholz: Dahmer. If you can't picture him chewing on body parts of people he just killed, you're just not using your imagination enough.

Believe me. There are more. I can't think of them right now, so I haven't used them in a while. Non Sox or former Sox with nicknames are as follows:

-Kevin Millar: Ducky
-Bill Mueller: Big League
-Trot Nixon: Little Tek
-Mark Bellhorn: Babyface
-Alex Gonzalez (the last shortstop I truly loved): Gonzo
-Gabe Kapler: Gabe.
-Kason Gabbard: Killer
-Mark Loretta: Lolo
-Bronson Arroyo: Twig

There is no Johnny Damon.

I've finally done it.

I've been milling about for the last few weeks trying to decide if I want to start a blog or not. I generally have enough free time during my day to post at least one blog, so I decided unanimously amongst myself that yes, I will do it.

I will make a blog.

I will make the name of my blog reflect my reaction to the revolving door that is the SS position at Fenway.

I will vent my frustrations and voice my enthrallment of the team I love, the Boston Red Sox.

I will accept that people outside of Boston mostly hate Boston sports fans. I will continue to not care.

I will start every sentence with the letter "I." I'm doing a good job so far (sort of)... ok, that wasn't really in the plan, it just happened.

Screaming at the shortstop... it's what I do regardless of where I am.