Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Bullpen Band: Really off Key

Ugh. Let's face it, that just sucked. But it's ok, because hell, it's June and we're still in first.

Tito is an idiot. I am not one of those people who hates Francona. On the contrary, I rather like him as a manager, and I support his stupid decisions. There's just a warm spot in my heart that makes me unable to completely hate idiots (unless they are Yankee idiots). Also, he's not an idiot regarding everyone. He manages his position players very effectively. I just don't like what he does with the pitching staff. No, I'm not talking about how he spits tobacco juice at them when they walk into the clubhouse. I'm perfectly fine with that. Sometimes I question if Tito is watching the same game I am... my answer to this question is usually 'no, he's watching an episode of House right now.' That is the only logic that explains why he thinks his pitchers will get out of jams they've created themselves. Because that's what House does. Don't deny it.

I know I could not do any better with the pitching staff. If it were up to me, every night that Beckett was not pitching, he'd be in the damn bullpen to pitch relief. And his arm would fall off, oh, I'd say right about three weeks ago. Javier Lopez would never feel a mound under his feet again. Jon Lester would pitch ANY day he felt like it, and Dice-K would only be allowed to pitch on eight days rest. Timlin would only pitch in blowouts, and would be given the job of bullpen enforcer. I would equip him with a rifle and allow him to shoot anyone inflating a beach ball. You really think authorities would arrest him for that? Neither do I. Beachballs have no business at baseball games. So don't vote me in as manager, America. I wouldn't do that to the team I love.

Lucky for me, NOT being in a position to actually make a difference, I can complain all I want and feel completely justified in doing so, as long as I preface the complaining by assuring everyone that yes, I do love this team, and I believe in the manager, and Dennis Eckersley should never shave off the 'stache.

This is my reasoning for the bullpen woes (I'm going to completely ignore the fact that it was 97 degrees with somewhere around 100% humidity during game time yesterday)... they're not practicing enough. No, not practicing baseball! I'm sure they do that plenty. They aren't practicing the band enough! I almost never see it any more.... come to think of it, I don't even remember the last time I saw the bullpen band play. Is it Aardsma's fault? He joined the 'pen and suddenly the music stops? I don't know. What I do know is if you don't practice, you're going to fail in the recital. 7th inning was the recital for Okajima-san, and let's just say he was nowhere near the sharp notes (this is my attempt at pretending I know something about music, so I apologize).

They'll be ok. A few late-night band practices and they'll be right back to normal. They will win games again, just like they've done so many times before.

The Commander, however... I'm just not so lenient with him. When Commander Kickass is on the mound, I expect hellfire and brimstone. I do not expect 70 pitches in 3 innings, and I find that completely unacceptable, as I'm sure Mr. Beckett does. From what I understand, he holds himself to very high standards, so it's only fair that I'm able to hold him to the same standards. Put aside the fact, for the moment, that Beckett is my favorite pitcher in all of baseball right now(Don't tell Pedro Martinez that though. It'll make him sad.) , and has been for quite some time now. I expect him to at least pitch marginally better against the Orioles than Flyswatter pitched against the Royals, and I got no such results. That's the problem with expecting the best... you're almost always disappointed. He's on this team to bring badassery to a new level, not to give up doubles to Ducky. Bad outing. Poorly pitched game all around. Maybe if he would stop sleeping on the job....

But I still adore Beckett, and I still love Okajima despite his many failings this season. And yeah, Tito, I still like you, too. Let's just not make a habit out of this whole losing at home thing, ok? Thanks.

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