Thursday, June 30, 2011

Half-assed Live Blogging: Hoping For Some Magic

The intent was, obviously, to live blog this game for the sake of doing it. I looked at the lineups, and I'm not so sure I want to continue. Youkilis is out with an injured ankle. McDonald is batting second, Pedroia's batting fourth, Tek is batting fifth, and Sutton is somehow in the lineup. Suffice it to say... I miss Crawford, and I miss having Papi in the lineup. Let's hope these nine make me eat my words.

Word coming out right now is that Mike Cameron was designated for assignment, and Yamaico Navarro is being bused in from Pawtucket as we speak. It's sad, because I liked Cameron enough, but it was time. We were getting nothing from him. Good luck, Mike!
Ok, first pitch. Let's go before I start internet shopping. I almost just bought a new pair of heels, but at some point in everyone's lives, they need to stop and ask themselves "Just how many zebra print heels do I need?"
First inning! Alright! Here we go! Ells gets on and then..... ugh, F**K you, Ronald. You're horrible. That pitch was right down the middle. At least have the decency to strike out and stop dragging everyone down with you. Sometimes I hate you guys. Hopefully Lester is better than you three.

Bottom first! Nice work, Jonny. I felt like you were wasting a few pitches there, but who am I to argue with results? Now you've set a precedent, and I'll know if you're not trying as hard. Just saying.
Second inning! Man, you guys are going to have to do something, because I cannot keep up this faux enthusiasm all afternoon while you fail at everything. Right now, Sutton and Ernie are tied for the 'Taking the Most Pitches' award. There's no prize. Everyone should want to win, though.

Bottom second! Ok, WHO gave Lester permission to walk anyone? Cause I sure as heck didn't! I can't see Jon's reaction, because I'm GameDaying this, but I'm pretty sure he scowled at the result of his second pitch to Ibanez. It was very strikey. So is Ibanez. Out.
Third inning! I swear, if you guys don't muster up something, I'm ditching the exclamation points for the next half inning. That is a threat. Fine, you guys obviously don't love my enthusiasm. It's gone. I'm pouting from now on.

Bottom third. Christ, Jon, he's the pitcher! You can throw him strikes! He threw YOU strikes! Ball one to Jimmy Rollins? CLEARLY a strike, ump. But it doesn't matter. He got them anyway. Perhaps I'll give Jon the enthusiasm back. He seems to be the only one to appreciate it! (<--- see? Enthusiasm! Well earned!)
Fourth inning (<--- no enthusiasm. Also well earned). Really, Ronald? Ugh. These are not productive at-bats, gentleman! You might want to take your heads out of your asses and do something. What say you, Munchkin? You say no? Well, I hate you, too.

Bottom fourth! Come on Jon, I hate the rest of your team mates... what? Yes, I am aware I come off as a very angry person. That's not MY fault. It's sort of all you guys' fault. Guess you all know what you need to do to change my outlook on the world, huh? Have I ever mentioned that I disapprove of the shape of Placido Polanco's head? I do. It's a troubling shape. One thing I can say about the home plate ump... he is consistent in missing the bottom of the strike zone. I'd like to know where he thinks that thing ends. Ok.... now I'm really angry. Chase Utley, consider yourself hated. Forever. And Jim Wolf, Mr. Home Plate Umpire, someone needs to explain to you how a strike zone works. You've effectively took away the bottom third of the strike zone from Jon. I blame you for all the failure. And there's a lot of failure going on.
Fifth inning. Is it offensive to say that the Sox couldn't get two hits if they were locked in a room with an angry Ike Turner? Is that reference too outdated? I need to get up-to-date with my pop culture references, guys. Ok, failures. Hammels is coming out of the game, presumably with an injury. It's about freakin' time to make the Philly bullpen pay. DO. SOMETHING. USEFUL!

Ok, Tek, taking eight pitches after the starter comes out doesn't count as useful. Nice try, though. You've supplanted Sutton and Ernie as the leader in the "Taking The Most Pitches" award. REDDICKULOUS! You tripled! I am so proud of you! How's third base? Maybe you can come home and then tell your teammates tales of how amazing and beautiful the view from third is, and perhaps it will inspire them to visit third themselves. Maybe? Ok, Sutton. That was useful. I get it. I need to say mean, disparaging things about you guys more often because you are constantly hell-bent on proving me wrong. Great. Keep proving me wrong. I like when you do that. Though, I would have liked it better if you had gotten consecutive hits and runs while Lester had his no-no going. I guess I can't be that picky.

I'm not making promises, but it looks like I'll be handing out cookies after the game after all. Reddick, I hope you like chocolate chip. And Ronald? I hope you don't need your spine for anything. 2-0 Sox.

Bottom fifth! Now we have actual runs, so I can be slightly enthusiastic again! I continue to love Jon Lester, though that pitch count is getting a little high, darling. Keep it in mind for the next inning. Thanks.
Top sixth! Jason, my love! Did you hit that home run to shut me up? It worked. I am full of joy again, and it's all thanks to you. Nothing else in this half inning matters. It's all about your home run, darling.

Bottom sixth! Jon Lester keeps rolling. I feel like he took my advice with that whole pitch count thing. Hey Beckett? Lackey? I hope you two are paying attention.
Top seventh! I love you, Jon Lester, but I'm glad you don't have to bat for us regularly. Um, Tito... not that I'm complaining about Ronald coming out of the game, but when you have someone who obviously doesn't want to play as much as Drew does, why bother to pinch-hit him? He could have just been a defensive replacement. But fine, let him one-pitch-rally-kill again. Far be it for me to question your decisions.

Bottom seventh! Ok, up over 100 pitches now and allowing a single to Howard? Please stop that. Keep it at two hits. I'd like to update my post about Tek's no, one, and two hitters, and I can't do that unless you stop it. Again, Mr. Wolf decides that he doesn't like calling that many strikes for Jon. Sure, it looked like a close pitch, but it WAS a strike. And on his 120th pitch, Lester struck out Raul Ibanez to end the biggest threat the Phillies had going for them to this point. I can't imagine that he'll be back out for the eight. That would be stupid, Tito.
Top eighth! Munchkin finally breaks out of his slump and homers! Two home runs in one game? My God, I don't even know what to make of this, but I like it.... TEK! Again! Oh my, I didn't think I could love you any more than I already did, but a two home run game has exponentially increased my love for all things Jason. Limited playing time does wonders for my darling. Just for the record, I would willingly take more half-innings like that any day.

So, I wrote out the rest of the game, but Blogger decided to Jenks it up and it is no longer here. I have no desire to rehash the Jenksing, so all you need to know is that Bobby was horrible, Lester got the win, and Paps made a save. All in all, a pretty good Thursday!

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