Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Cookies!: And Spine Punches!

These are the current arbitrary team cookie standings:

Varitek - 12 cookies
Munchkin - 6 cookies
Papi - 6 cookies
Crawford - -2 cookies (I gave him one, Amy took two away)
Aceves - -3 cookies, but no spine punch... this time.
Cameron - No cookies, 1 Timlin spine punch.

That's another thing that I should explain. When a player does poorly, they get no cookies. Sometimes we will take cookies away from them, and sometimes, if the play is especially poor, the player receives a "Timlin spine punch." Essentially, this means that Mike Timlin is hiding somewhere in the clubhouse, and when the player in question least expects it, he jumps out and delivers a swift punch in the spine. Sometimes Mike Timlin camouflages himself as Varitek's locker (Varitek being one of his best friends, in my imagination), and he'll jump out and scare the rookies. Sometimes, when he's camouflaged, Varitek will try to reach into his locker and accidentally punch Timlin in the chest, and then he'll shout "Damnit, Mike! I told you to stop doing this!" And Timlin will laugh and pull out his crossbow, and everyone will have a great time.

What? Don't look at me like that. I've got an overactive imagination.

So these are the Cookie/Spine Punch standings. We'll see where everyone stands at the end of the season. I bet Tek will have the most cookies. And no, this isn't bias at all...

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