Thursday, July 28, 2011

Midget King Strikes Again: Also, Papi Slams Royals

Some days, it's really difficult to come up with a stupid title for my posts. Some days, I can stare at the blank little line for literally twenty minutes thinking "There is nothing worth turning into a title. Why is there nothing worth turning into a title?!" And then I get frustrated and write something stupid that leaves me shaking my head. Not today. Today we've got a plethora of highlights to go over. Hint: Two of them are mentioned in my title today. Alright, kids, take out your notebooks and get ready to take notes.

First off, let's start with the Lackey Pledge, a campaign of sorts bravely started in an effort to give Mudpie the warm fuzzies whenever he takes the Fenway mound. Lauren's got the right idea, and I encourage all of you to make your own version of the Lackey pledge and stick with it. Here's mine:

I, Jup, do solemnly pledge to only curse the name of John Lackey on occasions which he truly deserves the ridicule. These occasions, moments in which he has surpassed the 'Lackey Limit,' are still subject to cursing, threat-making, object-throwing, defenestration, and general unpleasantness. All other occasions are subject to quiet murmuring about how one John Lackey shouldn't be allowed to pitch with that face.

Pledge done. Even crappy pitchers deserve to not be pelted with tomatoes once in a while I guess.

Onto baseball! So Mudpie still sort of sucked, but I don't care because our offense showed up again, so we don't even have to discuss the pitching today! YAY! (Actually, boo, because I like pitching, but you know) To start... MC Laser Show at it again, extending that hitting streak to 24 games and spreading general badassery towards all aspects of his game. Another three hits, to go along with his four from last night. If I were an opposing pitcher, I'd be terrified of Pedroia right now. If only he had gotten that home run last night. Sigh.

In the 'ok fine, I'll give you credit' category, Pretzels also had a fine night at the plate, going 3-for-4 with a 1st inning lead-off home run, a walk to bring in a run, and a double. Pretzels, in case you did not know, is batting .325. And he's got 17 home runs. Aren't those two signs of the Apocalypse? I think they are. Keep an eye out for horsemen.

And then there's Papi. Our lovable big man only had one hit last night, but that hit was grand. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, a fourth inning grand slam. It was crushed, and if you didn't know it was out right off the bat, then you weren't paying attention. This, of course, is the best way to record your 1,000 RBI as a member of the Sox. 1,000 RBIs for Papi. The number's mindblowing if you think about it, and he joins a pretty elite club of Yaz, Teddy Ballgame, Jim Ed Rice, Dewey, and Bobby Doerr. I don't have a fun nickname for Bobby Doerr. Sorry. Think about how many of those RBIs were in critical moments... how many of them gave us leads, how many of them tied the game in late innings when we needed him the most. Just think of how many of them are against the Yankees. I love Ortiz, and all he has done for the Sox during his nine year career. Congratulations on 1,000 well-loved and very-appreciated RBIs, Papi.

More offensive 'props' (as the kids would say) to Ernie, whose three hits for the night brought his average up to .351. That's a pretty number, but it's about 49 points lower than I would like it to be. You've got two months, big guy. Get going on that, ok? Also, Youkilis stole a base. You literally do not see that every day. He now has 2 SB's for the season. Ronald and Yamaico each had a pair of hits. Production from the bottom of the order is important when your top three hitters are as hot as Pretzels, Munchkin, and Ernie. Offense is fun when it's coming from our guys.

This afternoon, in yet another attempt by the universe to keep me from witnessing the sheer glory of watching Beckett pitch, Josh will be taking on the guy that Lester threw the no-hitter against. Yup, Beckett vs. Hochevar. If I have time, I might live-blog... but I don't want to make any promises.

Speaking of promises, I completely forgot to put up those Celebrity Putt-Putt pictures. Will someone please remind me to post those when I get home?

1 comment:

toosoxy said...

I am very proud of you and your pledge. And us for not using the term "Slackey" today. We are so gracious, you and I. I hate games at 1:35 on a Thursday.