Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Mr. Awesome: Potentially Not Ready for Spring Training.

In MY mind, the most important baseball news of the week is that Mike Lowell doesn't think he'll be ready to go this month. He needs more time to heal and regenerate the awesome. Awesome doesn't just happen, people. It has to come from somewhere. That somewhere is the hyperactive awesome gland somewhere in Mike Lowell's body. (I will not speculate as to where for fear that my genuine curiosity may be mistaken for perversion.... my perversion doesn't need curiosity as it's spokesperson!)

Most people don't even have awesome glands. Mike's is hyperactive. It's a medical condition that no doctor would ever dare fix, and we're damn lucky for it. I feel that giving Mikey as much time to rest as he needs is important to the overall well-being of our season... a season that feels like it should have been here a month and a half ago.

Unfortunately, no one is talking about Mike Lowell. Everyone seems to be discussing that OTHER third baseman. You know, the one who's always getting himself into trouble? Folks, you'll (hopefully) never see Mikey getting himself in the kinds of scandals that Slappy seems to find every other week. Mikey would be my breaking point, I think. If I found out he was doing the kind of stuff that Slappy was doing, I'd be heartbroken. Mike isn't my favorite player. It's been clearly documented that Tek is, but Tek has disappointed me a lot in the last year, so I no longer hold him to a high standard. He will always get the majority of my love, but he won't have the same level of respect again. It's cool - I truly do not need to respect the people I love.

Mike Lowell, on the other hand... well, I just can't fathom. I can't. My mind won't even let me fathom a little. No fathoming here today.

Speaking of old man Varitek (I kid because I love), he passed his physical and is officially able to catch for us again.

And I know there are still two days before pitchers and catcher report, but a good number of our boys are already down in presumably warm, sunny Florida because they are just as anxious to get the season underway as we are!

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