Things I Like: Finally Matching Things The Sox Are Doing

In what is probably the first action of the off-season that I have whole-heartedly approved of, the Red Sox avoid salary arbitration with Okajima and give him a contract full of wonderful, shiny things*. And dollars. He specifically wanted the dollars.

*Disclaimer: Shiny things not included.

I like avoiding arbitration. I'm not sure if I had ever mentioned that before, but it seems like such a messy process. Besides that, I like Okajima. I really do. If you've never been to a game where Okajima has pitched, and you have not heard that ear drum-shatteringly TERRIBLE song that he comes out to, you have not lived. Oh, it's terrible. And not only will it get stuck in your head, it will also burrow deep into the brainmeats, taking control of your body and making you do things you'd never do... namely, download the awful Okajima entrance theme. If the virus gets bad enough, you put said theme on your iPod and force your co-workers to listen to it on repeat all day on a Friday.

No, I didn't do that yet. But, you know what? I'm gonna. And I'm not going to tell anyone when it's coming. But when it does, I promise, every one will be walking out of the office singing "Okajima.... oki-dokie!"

Man, I hope they never change that song. And yay for pitching! Happiness for a Friday morning before a long weekend.

My Take on the McGwire: Boring.

Ok, I'm just going to answer the questions I've been being asked/heard over and over since yesterday when McGwire broke the 'news' that he had used steroids during his record year. Pay attention. I'm only going to address these one last time and then I am figuratively putting McGwire to bed....

Question: Can you BELIEVE that he admitted to using steroids?!
Answer: Yes.

Question: No, but I mean now! Why now?
Answer: Because he didn't get enough HOF votes, and he wants people to love him again.

Question: But he lied to congress! Doesn't that mean anything to you!?
Answer: No.

Question: He lied just like Clemens, Tejada, and possibly Schilling. Who on Earth could be next?!
Answer: Anyone who played baseball. Ever.

Question: But isn't it surprising that he admitted it?
Answer: No, and you're ridiculous for being surprised.

Question: Well, I mean, we already knew....
Answer: That wasn't a question. And yes, you did already know. Everyone already knew. This isn't shocking. The timing isn't incredible. He's not doing this for altruistic reasons.

Question: But wasn't it so he can suck up to Bed Selig and make a point that baseball is clean now?
Answer: No. Not at all. And why would he need to suck up to Selig? You're an idiot. Baseball will never be clean.

Question: Doesn't that bother you?
Answer: A little, but not enough to get all self-righteous about it. Listen, I care about the sport in general, and knowing that people are tainting it and making a mockery of it upsets me. I'm tired of hearing about steroids and PED's. The player's union is too strong. MLB is never going to be able to test for everything. And by the time they do, there will be more drugs that can't be detected. I've accepted that drug use is part of the sport, of EVERY sport. It's part of life. Athletes are people. So, unless everyone is going to start getting pissed about every little addiction (and God help you if you mess with my caffeine addiction), then I don't see the point of spotlighting PED's. Either accept it, or don't. I don't care.

Question: So.... you really don't care?
Answer: Not the least bit.

Thank you, everyone, for participating in this impromptu question and answer segment. I'd like to take this time to remind you that February 12th is Truck Day, and February 18th, as an early birthday present to me, is the day pitchers and catchers report to Ft. Myers. It's coming. I promise.

Trying to be Diplomatic: Welcome Beltre, Goodbye Bay

I technically already made it official with moving Bay's name from the current list to the former list. That is a big thing for me, and really makes it all so official. I'm not one to adjust to change well, and I think I'm still in the middle of a temper tantrum over Manny being traded, but that's neither here nor there... and 'neither here nor there' is a phrase I really feel I need to start using more often.

Before I get into my welcomes and goodbyes, I want to take the time on my blog to acknowledge the wonderfulness of baby corn. My blog, I can do that. My lunch today included random baby corn, and surprise baby corn is just fantastic. Anyway, onto more important matters....

Jason "JayBay"/"Kazerud" Bay stepped up and filled in professionally when we needed him most. He was never gonna be Manny, but he was exactly what we needed at the time - not Manny. We needed everything not-Manny at the time. Oh, there was excitement about Kaz. A good player on a terrible team who was going to get his chance to shine in Boston? Excellent. He did just that. Shine. That's why he could command the contract that he got. Kaz was pretty fantastic, and I did enjoy almost all moments of the year and a half that he graced our left field. The pale one may be moving on, but he will hold a place in my heart for a long time. Not forever, but a long time. I wish him luck and genuinely he helps Prince and the rest of the Mets to anything except a horrible late-season collapse. They've had enough of that lately. Jason, it saddens me to see you go because our once "J"-dominated (Jason, JD, Jason, Jacoby, (ugh) Julio....) lineup is slowly slipping away. Good luck.

Adrian Beltre.... sigh. Do I have to do this? Everyone knows I love Mike Lowell. I really do want to keep being stubborn and ridiculous! All I will say is.... if Adrian takes Mike's job, I'll give him the same chance to win my heart that I gave Mikey after the departure of Billy Mueller. And I ADORED Billy Mueller (and wish we had him AND his surgically repaired knees back in some capacity. not as a third baseman. or player). I will try to be fair and understanding, and not hate Adrian for the mere fact that he is not Mikey, or not Billy. I will not boo him, even on opening day when I have to acknowledge that my Michael is gone. I will do my best to come up with a fun nickname for him, so I can embrace him as one of the guys... which, by the way, nicknaming is becoming much harder with this unimpressive bunch of ballplayers. Personality. That's what they need. I don't expect them to 'cowboy up' or anything, because that is so beyond overused that it has pushed into the realm of 'stab-me-in-the-ears'. That's a horrible realm.

What was I ranting about? Oh. Nicknames and Beltre. He'll get one. They'll all get one. I don't generally care if I have nicknames for outfielders, but infielders NEED nicknames. Scutaro, you're next.

Baseball, plz. I get all ranty without it.

My opinion: Doesn't matter even a little

I feel like I'm rehashing the same sentiment over and over this offseason. How I feel about the trades and the pickups and Theo isn't going to stop me from going to games. It isn't going to stop me from watching on TV, or following the team via news updates. Nothing Theo can do is going to make me hate the Red Sox.

But, man, I feel like he's really trying.

Again, I am in the minority of people who think this is just a stupid move. I know I am. I remain unapologetic. I usually dislike the moves of Mr. Epstein, but never since he's been aboard have I been absolutely disgusted with every decision he's made. Every single one of them. I can't think of a year where I hated everything he did. This, so far, is that year. Granted, he's got time before pitchers and catchers report to do something that makes me think 'hmm... ok.' And, for all I know, once the season starts, I might fall in love with one of these guys that I don't like. I just might. I'll keep an open mind about it. I guess I just need to watch them play. But that doesn't take away from the fact that, damnit, I did not want Beltre. Yay for defense and all, but you still can't win games if you don't score runs. We all know Beltre's best year was 2004. His numbers were crazy good, though I will not speculate why. Maybe last year was an abberation, and his numbers will go back up, but a .265 average and a .304 OBP doesn't instill a ton of confidence, and certainly doesn't seem like an upgrade over the .290/.337 that Mikey put up in '09.

Ok, but we're not getting him for his bat (but for chrissakes, who ARE we getting for their bat?!), so let me just glance at fielding stats.... Beltre is coming to us fresh off a year where he made 19 errors and had .959 fielding percentage in 341 chances. Ok. Fair. I'm not going to get into zone rating and things of that nature, because, well, I'm no good at it, and I don't want to. As for Mikey, 265 chances brought him 14 errors and a .966 fld%. So, the defensive upgrade is about thismuch. I'll give him that.

But can Beltre salsa dance with the smoothness that Mikey is able to maintain? No? I thought not. And I love Mikey. I don't care for Beltre, or really just about anyone who would come in and take Mikey's job away. Not appreciative.

All I'm saying is that these new guys better bring some damn personality to this team, because it's been sorely lacking since Millar and Manny left town. But we all know that Theo isn't a big fan of personality. Or, apparently, talent.

Ok, ok. I swear. I'll stop now. I'll just look forward to the opening of the season and I won't criticize players before they have a chance to win me over any more. But damnit, I will not stop complaining about the GM. It's my right as a Red Sox fan!

Kazerud: Fail? I Guess.

Jason is a Met. As far as I've been able to gather, donning this particular uniform curses you to years of misery and collapse. I'm not going to say I actually KNOW anything about the Mets other than the occassional jokes I hear about them and a few stories from reporters about their sad, sad season endings recently, but I can't imagine that The New York Mets was what Mr. Bay had in mind when he decided he was going to sign somewhere that was not Boston. Let's be clear about that, he wanted more money than Theo would have ever given him, and I am ok with that.

Yes, I loved the 36 home runs. I loved the paleness, and sure, even the Canadian-ness. The defense I did not love (and I found myself muttering many times when Kaz tried to field 'if that were Manny, people would be all over him for that'.... though that MAY have just been my bitterness talking).

Maybe my stance on defense is a little ... bias?... because I don't get the fielders that I want. But NO, I do NOT enjoy watching CRW field. I didn't enjoy watching Kaz field. Coco? I adored watching that guy track down a fly ball. Awesome. But he's gone now. And the reason for that, as Loyce Crisp would say (in my imagination), "It's cause you suck, son." There were around three different inside jokes in there that I wasn't going to make, but they happen. I don't know. I guess I'm never happy.

And I'll never be happy again, because Gonzo is STILL gone! I just want my Gonzo back. Even if we do happen to pick up another infield Gonzalez, it won't be the same. He's not Alex. He's not my shortstop. Besides that, I don't think I really like Adrian Gonzalez. His name reminds me of a very sad blue. We don't need sad blue on the Red Sox, right? RIGHT?! Who's with me? Anyone? No? Fine.

So, tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and I've still got my Mikey. And my 'I've still got my Mikey' I mean 'The Red Sox haven't dumped Lowell off on another team yet' and God bless that. On top of it all, I'm really starting to feel ok about the rotation again. Yeah, I dislike John Lackey, but I don't know the dislike is a permanent thing. Some players, I will never like. Ever. I don't think Lackey is one of those players, but I refuse to warm up to him right away. See... it only took me four seasons to warm up to JD Drew. I hated him because he was made of glass, and he took my Little Tek away from me. Even after his now-classic grand slam in the 2007 ALCS, I did not like him. But now? Now I don't think he's so bad, and I even found myself cheering for him at the end of the season. Maybe it's because POS was traded off. Maybe, just maybe, I disliked JD Drew that much more because I associated him with POS, but once that association was broken, the hatred could naturally dissipate.

No, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about half of the time. But I do love Ducky.

But, good luck today to my darling Mr. Awesome, whose fantastic thumb surgery is today to repair the wonderful injury that kept him with me! Thank you, thumb tendon. I don't know what I'd do without Mike Lowell, especially so soon after losing Tedy Bruschi to retirement. I just don't think I could have handled it. So yeah, no trading away my Mikey. Please?!

Ok, time for me to move Kaz to the former player list.... sigh.

Mikey Awesome: Ours. For Now.

Have I really become so irrational and... well... insane, that I was THRILLED when I found out Mikey needed thumb surgery? When did I become Annie Wilkes, hoping to keep poor Michael incapacitated so he can't leave me, er, the Sox. I don't want him leaving the Sox. That would be Misery.

Did you see what I did there? I referenced a movie plot and then finished it up by saying the name of the movie slyly so you wouldn't know what I was doing. Then, of course, I ruined it all by telling you all about it. But, I'm wondering if my love for Mikey has taken a turn for the weird and inappropriate. I found out that Mike needs thumb surgery and I literally squee'd for joy, because this means that I get to claim he is a part of my favorite team for that much longer. I don't delude myself into thinking that they won't try to move him again, because I know they will, but I don't want Mikey to go. Not before Christmas. Not like this.

Just like when I wanted Jason Varitek back simply for the fact that I wanted him, knowing full well that he would be detrimental to the team, I want Mikey. Actually, Mikey being detrimental is far less a certainty than Tek was. I believe that Mike could be an asset, especially if there is no bounce back for Papi (which, really... is anyone REALLY expecting? Curious!). I don't know. I desperately miss baseball. Football is not enough for me. No, I need the excitement of every day, knowing there's a game. The off season is painful and slow. And cold. Have I mentioned that it's cold? Yeah, not a big fan of this.

I've been counting down to opening day for a while now. Can't wait, especially now since there's that much more of a chance that Mikey will be there for it. I love that man.

Not Trusting Theo: No Effect On My Desire To Go To Games

I may have mentioned it before, but really, no matter how much I dislike each individual component of the team, I love the team. I have tickets right now for three games at Fenway next season, and I will be heading to Baltimore, as usual, to see the Sox there. No matter HOW badly I dislike the moves by our esteemed GM.

I am a harsh Theo critic, perhaps unfairly. The fact that he tries to conduct business without any of the emotional, sentimental stuff getting in the way is what bugs me, but I know that's his job. He's not supposed to be sentimental. He's supposed to think of the greater good for the club. But the 'greater good' always seems to be getting rid of players that I want to keep. I've said it before, I would not be a good GM because I don't want to separate the heart and mind when it comes to baseball. Thank God I'm a fan so I don't have to. In 2004, Theo was a hero. In 2005, I had no issues with him, except that whole Renteria mess. I questioned it. Of course I did. In 2006, that's when Theo started breaking my heart. He traded Arroyo for Wily freakin' Mo, who... I don't even think he has a job any more. What happened down the stretch in 2006? We needed pitching like people in hell need ice water. We were throwing every straight-off-the-garbage-heap player we could find on the mound, and.... well, we all know how '06 ended. Maybe I unfairly expected Theo to be a fortune teller, and to realize that pitching is harder to come by than hitting, so you don't trade a decent mid-level starter who can eat innings for some unproven bat that has nothing but unachieved potential.

In 2007, there was Gagne. At the time, I thought it was a good move, but it was not, and again, I unfairly blamed Theo for it. Oh man, I almost forgot that 2007 was also the year of Lugo. And Drew. Holy hell, that was a bad year in terms of talent. Yeah, we won the world series and all, but Lugo, Drew, and Gagne in one year? Brutal.

In 2008, he got rid of Mirabelli. Unforgivable.

Now, at the end of the '09 season, he brings us Lackey. And Cameron. I don't see either as a smart move, and of course, here's why.

Cameron is the better of the two, short years, not too much money, great defense. We desperately needed defense in the outfield. As much as I loved Kazerud, he was not a defensive wizard, and don't even get me started on CRW. Watching him play defense on an average day usually gets me pretty angry. Whatever. Defense is fantastic, and I love preventing runs. The problem is, Cameron is seemingly replacing Kazerud, who was a very decent hitter and managed a good HR or two whenever we needed it. Mike Cameron is not going to replace Jason's bat, and we all know it. Fine. As long as the defense is shored up a bit, I guess I can do without the bat. But the guy will be 37 years old at the start of the season.... so, I don't know, I guess I'm expecting some DL time and a serious fade after the all-star break.

Now for Lackey. I HATE this signing. Aside from my personal hatred for all things Lackey, and that goes all the way to the stupid look on his face or how he was running his big whiney mouth about the Sox during the playoffs, I hate the deal. Listen, I admitted my irrational dislike for all things Theo, but one thing I've found to be true - When Theo falls in love with a player enough to give them a stupidly large contract, it doesn't tend to work in our favor. I understand that 5yrs/$80+ M is the running rate for top-of-the-rotation pitchers, but the only people Theo hands out big years to turn into busts. Rentaria. Lugo. Drew (and I put him on this list even with my growing affection for the man). Him falling in love with a player frightens me. I'm not even so concerned about Lackey's terrible numbers at Fenway. I am concerned with his terrible numbers against AL East opponents, though. This deal truly concerns me, and the fact that I now run the risk of having to see Lackey pitch in my park terrifies me as much as the thought of watching Penny pitch terrified me. Oh, how I long for Arroyo.

Now that I'm done being all mopey and irrational and emotional, so far this is what the team looks like to me (considering the Lowell deal is not official on paper or in my heart yet): C- Victor Martinez (toying with the idea of calling him either Vicky or Victory.... I'll explain at some point). 1B- Asshat, 2B - Munchkin, SS- Marco Scutaro, 3B - Mr. Awesome, LF - Mike Cameron, CF - CRW, RF - JD. Pitching Rotation: Beckett, Lester, Lackey, Dice-K, Wakefield.... don't know where Dahmer fits into all of this... we've never stuck with a six man rotation for more than a week, so maybe he's the odd man out. I'm hoping he's the odd man out. I don't even know who's in our bullpen any more... Paps, Oki, Strike-out-king, Rambo, Rambo 2, Boof Bonser?, Bard.... no clue. We'll see.

Something like 63 days till pitchers and catchers report. God bless a short offseason.