Friday, May 11, 2012

Leaving Time: Updated For All The Suck

If you've read this blog long enough, you'll know that my best friend and I have what we call the "Lackey Limit." It began last year after a string of incredibly terrible Mudpie starts. Basically, the Lackey Limit is a rule that states if John Lackey has given up 8 or more runs in 4 or fewer innings, we leave the park, go to Game On, and consume mass amounts of alcohol to destroy all memories of the game before they become permanent. Believe it or not, we left several of his starts last year for just that reason.

After the pretty horrific continuation of baseball this season, I've decided that the other pitchers all need similar rules. It's only fair, right? Assume that all of these rules end with "and then we go to Game On to get smashed."

The Beckett Break Point: Whichever comes first, four home runs or six runs in three innings or less.
The Lester Let-Down: If Jon Lester has thrown 90 pitches in two innings, it's not going to get better.
The Buchholz Booze Time: Any time Clay Buchholz steps on the mound.
The Doubront Departure: If Felix steps to the mound and has that look of abject horror on his face and then allows eight runs or more in four innings or less.
The Bard Back-Out: If Daniel has walked eight or more batters in any point of the game.

For the record, I want to sign Oswalt so we can have the Oswalt Opt-Out.
We could also have the Cook Cop-Out.
The Dice-K Dash Away.

You name the pitcher, I can make up a limit for how much of said pitcher I can take.

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