Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Keebler?: Anyone Got Better Ideas

Ben Cherington is not giving me anything to work with! His Wikipedia page has nothing helpful (see for yourself here). He hasn't found a manager, signed a Big Papi, or done anything yet to give me any indication that he even deserves a nickname. I mean, even an abbreviated google search revealed no more pertinent information about Benny boy. How am I supposed to assign a merry moniker in the absence of revealing run-through of his entire life?! Yet Lauren is right. He needs a nickname. Ben Cherington is just too cumbersome a name to continuously write out.

I realize it's early in the Hot Stove season. Really, right now, we're in the warm stove season, when everything is just getting ready to go. Before we know it, there will be smoke, and fire, and cookies and Ben will have done something worthy of a nickname.

Nickname-maker is a hard job. Look at this. It's turned me into a rambling fool... you know, moreso than usual. We could call him GM-ington. We could call him White Rice (Uncle Ben... rice... is that racist?). We definitely shouldn't call him Benny Boy, though, because Urban Dictionary tells me that it's an unflattering nickname. Same with "Super Fruit" (I did a google search for cherry and the term Super Fruit came up. Just thought I'd let you in on the process). What about Mighty Mouse? Here he comes to save the day? I don't know. I don't know if any of these are sticking. We could call him Edward Smith, who was the captain of the Titanic. That would be bad karma! We don't want to call him Edward Smith. We don't actually want to mimic the Titanic, though the team did.... well, you know. But that was under Epstein, so if anything, Theo is Edward Smith. Good luck, Cubbies!

I've got Keebler. The man looks like a Keebler elf. This is what I have to work with, and therefore you get a half-hearted nickname based solely on his appearance. I know. It's lazy and you all deserve better from me, BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE BETTER! Does ANYONE have any other ideas?

Feel free to discuss. I kind of like Mighty Mouse, but Keebler is faster to type. If I don't come up with anything better, I'm flipping a coin and whatever nickname wins is going on my list. It's over to the right. See it? You might have to scroll down (or up) a little. There you go. He's either going to be an elf, or a mouse. His fate is in your, or the coin's, hands. And yes, I am aware that coins don't have hands.


Section 36 said...

He's from NH... Maybe, "Granite"? "Countertop"? "Stonehenge"?

sportsattitudes said...

Mini-B (Ben's stature in size and yet to be proven skill set). BBC (Boston Ben Cherington). Those are two that I submit for consideration.