Ben Cherington is playing Santa in this scenario.
The present, as you know is Tommy John surgery. For John Lackey.
Call me a coldhearted bitch if you will, and lecture me on celebrating the misfortunes of others if you'd like, but we DESERVE to be happy about this! I deserve this, damnit! I sat through damn near every one of John Lackey's shit-tacular starts this season. I suffered through frigid temperatures, rain, blaring sun from which there was no escape, and overpowering fog that obstructed my view of the entire field. I suffered! And because of that, today I celebrate!
This doesn't solve our Mudpie problem, of course. I do believe he's signed through the 2015 season, but as a short-term solution, I'll take it. And I won't miss him.
Yup, I'm probably going to hell. It's fine, I'll have plenty of good company... and when I reflect on my life, I can think about how happy I was the day I found out John Lackey was going to be gone for 2012, and it will make my eternity in the lake of fire worth it.
I love you, Ben Cherington. I will make you extra cookies and leave extra milk by the fire for you this year.
PS - just for the record, I'm pretty sure this is the first post in which I use the two labels "Mudpie" and "Good things" together. Miraculous. Enjoy yourselves today, guys. This day belongs to the fans!