No Chicago Salvation: A Bad Friday Night For Timmy and Munchkin

That was stupid. Everything about Friday night's game was stupid, and I'm glad I didn't see the majority of it. As awful as it was of me, knowing that Tim was going for career win #200, I was on a date. I love Tim, and I support him fully (to the point that yes, I did wear my Tim Wakefield shirt on the date), but sometimes I have to miss a game. Lately, I've been missing quite a few of them. I need to get my gentleman caller hooked on baseball. Weird how I manage to find the one guy in Massachusetts that doesn't seem to care for sports.

I digress. I don't blame any of this loss on Tim. Perhaps I should, considering he did give up the three runs that were his ultimate demise in this game, but I don't want to blame him. I want to hug him and tell him it'll be alright and then smack everyone who was in the lineup for not supporting him. Why don't you guys love Tim? He's always supported you all! Do him a favor and let him get the win next time around, ok? Because him losing again because of inept bats is not something I'm comfortable with. Got it?! Jeez.

To further the suck for the evening, little MC Laser Show's hitting streak came to an end. They couldn't even give me that to hold on to, could they? Yes, I know Salty hit a home run, and I'm ultra-proud of him because I love when (most) catchers do well. I've always had a soft spot for catchers. I still wanted better for my Timmy. After all these years, they still can't manage regular run support for our veteran.

Luckily, Tim will get another chance. I'm so late posting last Friday's results that Tim actually gets his chance tomorrow. So you know what that means? That means today is Tim Wakefield's 45th birthday. Go celebrate today with a win, and make sure that he gets his 200th win as a belated birthday present tomorrow, boys. Happy birthday, Tim Wakefield!

Failfaces: Sox Split Royals Series

That was majorly disappointing. I'm kind of glad I missed the end of that. Luckily, the Reel Big Fish concert I went to last night was not disappointing, and it didn't make me sad the way Beckett made me sad. So that's my advice for you all. When your favorite players disappoint you and make you sad or angry, go to a ska show. It'll make you feel better.

Man, my live event schedule is wearing me out. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I'm actually pretty happy that at the very least, Munchkin extended his hitting streak. It's a small victory, but it feels like a moral one. Josh was.... meh. At least we kept one good story line going. I enjoy when Pedroia extends the hitting streak via home runs. I also enjoy when the other hitters decide to hit, but I can't have it all every day, I guess.

Tonight, Timmy's on the mound. I'm rockin' my Wakefield shirt today (makes for great Friday date apparel!) and I'm feeling pretty good about our boys, even if they did lose. It's the ska music, guys. It brings good mojo. I'm not too old for ska music yet.

Damnit, I forgot those pictures again. I'm a slacker. Maybe tonight.... or tomorrow. Definitely by Monday.... you know, A Monday. Not necessarily the one coming up. What? Don't look at me like that. I've been busy.

Beckett For The Win?: Happy Thursday Liveblogging

I already know I can promise you that if this game goes past 3:30, I'm putting a stop to the liveblogging because I've got a concert to go to tonight, and it's far away from where I am now. I make no promises that I will finish it later, but you guys will know what happens, won't you? You don't need me for that, you dedicated little fans. I both admire and respect your dedication. Alright, let's go!

*****

Top first! Hi Joshua. You're looking spiffy today. This is all assumption, since I'm GameDaying you, love. I just know that you're looking spiffy. That's how good I am. Another way I know you look spiffy? Fourteen pitch first inning. THAT is lovely. I love you, Josh.

Bottom first! Erm... Pretzels and MC, not quite the start I was hoping for. Thanks to Ernie for not going quietly into the second inning. Singles are better than nothing, people! I mean, it got us nowhere, but still better than nothing. Back to Josh!

*****

Top second! Boo, base hit. Josh! What happened?! Double play... all is well!

Bottom second! Oops, missed it. Bad, liveblogger!

*****

Top third! Look at that, three innings in the books and Joshua's only thrown 33 pitches. I like when that happens. Keep that pitch count low, darling!

Bottom third! Oh, Jason, with your singles and your thighs. You are pretty awesome. Things I also like: doubles from the rookies. Atta boy, Yamaico! Gameday isn't telling me what happened, but it's saying Pretzels is on first and there are no runners on second and third. Should I assume we have a 2-run lead? Yes, yes, I can assume that. Another single for Ernie, getting Pretzels to third with less than two outs. Youk, you better bring him home.

Youk, you fail. Papi? No? Ok, fine. At least we have a lead.

*****

Top fourth! Can I say it's an absolute travesty that John Lackey has as many wins as Joshua? Where is the justice in that? Apparently Josh didn't like the wait. Sweetheart, we do not walk the first batter we see after getting a lead. This is something you should know, but in case you forgot, there's your reminder. For next time. Double play, please. Or a strikeout. Damnit, Josh, stop wasting pitches! No, seriously, Josh, enough of the shit. You just walked two guys in a row. Is it because I made a Lackey comparison? You're an adult. Suck it up.

Wow. Ouch. Josh, if you were trying to hurt me, you win. That hurt. That's it, no more exclamation marks for you. I am boycotting the rest of this half inning, you jerk.

Bottom fourth! I'm pretty furious right now. What the hell just happened? Is this a nightmare? Because it feels like a nightmare! The offense hopefully still deserves the enthusiasm.

Oh, Reddick.... no, darling. That's not what I needed right now. Sutton? Can you help me out here? Ok, guess not. Tek, dearest... I love you, but I'm going to be mighty miffed if you don't get on base here. The thought is that you don't go down 1-2-3 after your starter has a really craptacular inning. Give him a chance to breathe, boys.

....and a little part of me dies. Ugh.

*****

Top fifth. Josh, just so you know, I've got Timlin on speed dial, and he's got a crossbow. Don't think that one good inning after a figurative punch to my jaw is going to make things cool between us again. It's a start, but you've hurt me and you have to work to fix this.

Bottom fifth! Munchkin, I like that you're on base, but it's the fifth inning. Can we get on with the hitting, please? Ugh. Fail. Angry, angry failing. Whatever, guys. I'm abandoning you in a few minutes anyway.

*****

Top sixth. Josh is still in this thing? Really? That's not fair. All the good times we've had can't be tainted by one bad inning that I blame Lackey for anyway, right? Right. I still love you, Josh, but... you know... the suckage should stop.

I read somewhere that Josh get the least amount of run support out of all of the starters. Josh also gives up a lot fewer runs that most of the starters, so he doesn't need as much help. Maybe he's tired of being underappreciated by his offense and this is his way of rebelling? He had the patented "Beckett Bad Fourth" just to show the guys that he needs run support, too. Believe me, I understand the need for run support, but putting yourself in a hole is no way to go about getting it. NEITHER IS WALKING PEOPLE! STOP THIS NONSENSE, JOSHUA PATRICK BECKETT! Look at this. You made me yell. Do you know how much it takes to make me yell? Actually, not that much, but stop it! Thank you.

Bottom sixth. Sorry, offense, you lost the exclamation points, too. I have nothing to be excited about regarding the way you've played today. Youk, I've got a really big problem with swinging at the first pitch when you so obviously can't handle it. Papi... please don't make me yell at you. Grounding out makes me want to yell at you. Reddick? Please? Something, guys. I've got to leave in five minutes. Do. Something. You... you think staring at three straight pitches counts as 'something?' Because it does not. Reddick, you've failed me. You've all failed me, and now I'm going to be sad at the concert. Way to go, Sox. Don't think I'm not going to follow up on this game later. You're spared the rest of my anger for now. JUST for now.

Midget King Strikes Again: Also, Papi Slams Royals

Some days, it's really difficult to come up with a stupid title for my posts. Some days, I can stare at the blank little line for literally twenty minutes thinking "There is nothing worth turning into a title. Why is there nothing worth turning into a title?!" And then I get frustrated and write something stupid that leaves me shaking my head. Not today. Today we've got a plethora of highlights to go over. Hint: Two of them are mentioned in my title today. Alright, kids, take out your notebooks and get ready to take notes.

First off, let's start with the Lackey Pledge, a campaign of sorts bravely started in an effort to give Mudpie the warm fuzzies whenever he takes the Fenway mound. Lauren's got the right idea, and I encourage all of you to make your own version of the Lackey pledge and stick with it. Here's mine:

I, Jup, do solemnly pledge to only curse the name of John Lackey on occasions which he truly deserves the ridicule. These occasions, moments in which he has surpassed the 'Lackey Limit,' are still subject to cursing, threat-making, object-throwing, defenestration, and general unpleasantness. All other occasions are subject to quiet murmuring about how one John Lackey shouldn't be allowed to pitch with that face.

Pledge done. Even crappy pitchers deserve to not be pelted with tomatoes once in a while I guess.

Onto baseball! So Mudpie still sort of sucked, but I don't care because our offense showed up again, so we don't even have to discuss the pitching today! YAY! (Actually, boo, because I like pitching, but you know) To start... MC Laser Show at it again, extending that hitting streak to 24 games and spreading general badassery towards all aspects of his game. Another three hits, to go along with his four from last night. If I were an opposing pitcher, I'd be terrified of Pedroia right now. If only he had gotten that home run last night. Sigh.

In the 'ok fine, I'll give you credit' category, Pretzels also had a fine night at the plate, going 3-for-4 with a 1st inning lead-off home run, a walk to bring in a run, and a double. Pretzels, in case you did not know, is batting .325. And he's got 17 home runs. Aren't those two signs of the Apocalypse? I think they are. Keep an eye out for horsemen.

And then there's Papi. Our lovable big man only had one hit last night, but that hit was grand. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, a fourth inning grand slam. It was crushed, and if you didn't know it was out right off the bat, then you weren't paying attention. This, of course, is the best way to record your 1,000 RBI as a member of the Sox. 1,000 RBIs for Papi. The number's mindblowing if you think about it, and he joins a pretty elite club of Yaz, Teddy Ballgame, Jim Ed Rice, Dewey, and Bobby Doerr. I don't have a fun nickname for Bobby Doerr. Sorry. Think about how many of those RBIs were in critical moments... how many of them gave us leads, how many of them tied the game in late innings when we needed him the most. Just think of how many of them are against the Yankees. I love Ortiz, and all he has done for the Sox during his nine year career. Congratulations on 1,000 well-loved and very-appreciated RBIs, Papi.

More offensive 'props' (as the kids would say) to Ernie, whose three hits for the night brought his average up to .351. That's a pretty number, but it's about 49 points lower than I would like it to be. You've got two months, big guy. Get going on that, ok? Also, Youkilis stole a base. You literally do not see that every day. He now has 2 SB's for the season. Ronald and Yamaico each had a pair of hits. Production from the bottom of the order is important when your top three hitters are as hot as Pretzels, Munchkin, and Ernie. Offense is fun when it's coming from our guys.

This afternoon, in yet another attempt by the universe to keep me from witnessing the sheer glory of watching Beckett pitch, Josh will be taking on the guy that Lester threw the no-hitter against. Yup, Beckett vs. Hochevar. If I have time, I might live-blog... but I don't want to make any promises.

Speaking of promises, I completely forgot to put up those Celebrity Putt-Putt pictures. Will someone please remind me to post those when I get home?

Lucky Man: Offense Shows Up For Miller

Andrew Miller, I hope you treated the entire starting lineup to a steak dinner last night. Wow. That was some bad pitching, Andrew. Truly bad. The location was way off of where Tek was setting up, and you weren't fooling anyone. The Kansas City Royals, though a fine young team, are 17 games under .500, and you couldn't make it out of the fourth inning without giving up nine hits and seven runs. And yet.... yet, you didn't lose. That is luck.

Or maybe it's not luck. Maybe it's talent. Not Miller's talent. No, everyone else's talent. Miller has the benefit of being on a very good offensive team. As a matter of fact, our boys were the top offensive team in the AL during the first half of the season. They made a game out of this shitshow, and they brought home a win for Aceves... you know, the guy who pitched 1/3rd of an inning less than Miller and managed to give up seven fewer runs? Yeah, that guy. He has been priceless to the Sox. There's no debate there.

Another guy who's been priceless basically for his entire career? Yep. The Muddy Chicken Laser Show Munchkin. Whatever you want to call him, he's irreplacable. Right now, our mighty midget is up to a 23 game hit streak and is impervious to superstition. Didn't he look like a twelve year old last night with no facial hair? I think it's precious. Regardless of what age MC Laser Show appears, he actually is a grown-up who can hit Major League pitching like nobody's business. Little guy was a home run short of the cycle last night, and his deep fly in his last at-bat looked like it had a chance. Oh well, another time.

Between the Chicken and Papi collecting eight hits, the love of my life had a solo home run in the seventh, keeping that batting average up to .235. Listen, .235 might be nothing worth writing home over, but for our elderly backup catcher, isn't that good enough? I think it is! And I'm always right... at least in my world.

Franklin Morales had another rough outing, giving up 2 runs in the ninth. I did specifically ask Franklin not to make a habit out of giving up runs. He may not have heard me, so I'll remind him: Franklin, I would appreciate if you did not make a habit out of giving up runs late in the game, ok? I know we had a comfortable lead, but 13-9 is honestly a little too close for comfort.... especially against the Royals.

I'm happy with the game. I am! I'm happy with MC Laser Show, and Papi, and Tek, and Aceves, and what the hell, let's give some credit to Albers because he's been solid. I'd like to see Andrew Miller locate better, and I think it's silly that we couldn't get a hit off of their outfielder, but it's fine. We'll be ready for him next time.

Tonight, Lackey tries to seal up at least a series tie against Bruce Chen. I have zero faith in Lackey, but you never know. He likes to pitch well when I'm not at the park, so he'll probably throw a no-hitter. And he'd do it to spite me.

Wake Wins 199: 185 With Sox

On top of recording his 2,000th strikeout, making small children laugh, and being the happy grandfatherly face of the franchise since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, Tim is now one win away from #200. He's a mere eight wins away from that record that I talk about all the time. I cannot allow myself to imagine a scenario in which he does not reach this goal. He HAS TO get there, doesn't he? If it's not a law, it should be. Somebody get going on that, ok?

This one looked like it was going to get real ugly early with Timmy getting beat up pretty well in the first. He was lucky to only have given up two runs, and he was even luckier that his team wanted to score runs. The tiniest part of me feels bad for the Mariners, but we need every win we can get. Their first inning, two run lead lasted approximately five minutes, give or take a couple. Their rookie was NO mystery to the Sox in the first, who batted around and recorded five runs while barely breaking a sweat.

Get it? Because it was so fricken hot on Friday and Saturday and Sunday wasn't as bad? Comedic gold, I know. That's what they pay me for, ladies and gentleman.

Youkilis had a home run.... Pretzels, Crawford, Reddickulous, and Muddy Chicken all had doubles. Every starter in the lineup recorded a hit except Scutaro. MC, Papi, and Scoots are the only three starters who didn't have RBIs. Let's be honest for a minute... I don't want to recount every run, and you guys already know what happened, so you don't need to re-read it.

The highlights are that Wake got the win, Aceves continues to be priceless out of the pen, and no one died of dehydration on the field. It's a win for all, right? No, it's a win for Tim. Don't try to take his credit.

Tonight, we welcome back my boy Jonny Lester to face the Royals. I've missed Jonny.... but unfortunately I won't be able to watch the game. Someone should let me know how he looks out on the mound. My guess is 'awesome' but I don't want to show my prejudices just yet....

Joshua Wins: Tito Gets To 1,000

Who better to have on the mound when you're going for your 1,000th win as a manager than JPB? Well, Pedro in his prime, of course, but since that was not available, we'll go with Josh. Wasn't Josh pretty on the mound Saturday? The hits may have been a little high, but the runs were low, and he recorded one strikeout for every hit surrendered. That's balance. Josh was well-balanced. And pretty. Did I mention pretty, because that's really high up there on the list. And by 'Beckett was pretty', I mean 'Beckett's fastball was pretty.... also, Josh is an attractive man, but definitely love the fastball.'

Despite being pretty with a delightful fastball, a pleasant changeup, and a lovely curveball, Josh walked off the field without a lead. A solo home run to My Carp to begin the seventh was the difference in the game when Josh finished up.... and then the offense took over.

It wasn't the most explosive rally we've ever seen in the seventh, but I will never turn my nose up at a three-run rally.... especially when that rally is started by a bases-empty, 2-out single from the love of my baseball life. Strangely enough, it was Pretzels again to do the damage and seal up the win for Josh. Munchkin and Ernie combined to distract David Pauley enough for the third run to score, and there's your offense.

At the end of the day, Josh picked up the win, lowered his ERA, and gave me a good reason to recap the game. Usually I get these recaps up early on Monday, and I'm only on Saturday's game. Man, I am dragging today. I wouldn't expect much better out of me tomorrow, though.

Up next, Tim Wakefield goes for win #199, and I miss everything after the fifth inning and I pretend that I knew what happened. Stay tuned!