Failfaces: Sox Split Royals Series

That was majorly disappointing. I'm kind of glad I missed the end of that. Luckily, the Reel Big Fish concert I went to last night was not disappointing, and it didn't make me sad the way Beckett made me sad. So that's my advice for you all. When your favorite players disappoint you and make you sad or angry, go to a ska show. It'll make you feel better.

Man, my live event schedule is wearing me out. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I'm actually pretty happy that at the very least, Munchkin extended his hitting streak. It's a small victory, but it feels like a moral one. Josh was.... meh. At least we kept one good story line going. I enjoy when Pedroia extends the hitting streak via home runs. I also enjoy when the other hitters decide to hit, but I can't have it all every day, I guess.

Tonight, Timmy's on the mound. I'm rockin' my Wakefield shirt today (makes for great Friday date apparel!) and I'm feeling pretty good about our boys, even if they did lose. It's the ska music, guys. It brings good mojo. I'm not too old for ska music yet.

Damnit, I forgot those pictures again. I'm a slacker. Maybe tonight.... or tomorrow. Definitely by Monday.... you know, A Monday. Not necessarily the one coming up. What? Don't look at me like that. I've been busy.

Beckett For The Win?: Happy Thursday Liveblogging

I already know I can promise you that if this game goes past 3:30, I'm putting a stop to the liveblogging because I've got a concert to go to tonight, and it's far away from where I am now. I make no promises that I will finish it later, but you guys will know what happens, won't you? You don't need me for that, you dedicated little fans. I both admire and respect your dedication. Alright, let's go!

*****

Top first! Hi Joshua. You're looking spiffy today. This is all assumption, since I'm GameDaying you, love. I just know that you're looking spiffy. That's how good I am. Another way I know you look spiffy? Fourteen pitch first inning. THAT is lovely. I love you, Josh.

Bottom first! Erm... Pretzels and MC, not quite the start I was hoping for. Thanks to Ernie for not going quietly into the second inning. Singles are better than nothing, people! I mean, it got us nowhere, but still better than nothing. Back to Josh!

*****

Top second! Boo, base hit. Josh! What happened?! Double play... all is well!

Bottom second! Oops, missed it. Bad, liveblogger!

*****

Top third! Look at that, three innings in the books and Joshua's only thrown 33 pitches. I like when that happens. Keep that pitch count low, darling!

Bottom third! Oh, Jason, with your singles and your thighs. You are pretty awesome. Things I also like: doubles from the rookies. Atta boy, Yamaico! Gameday isn't telling me what happened, but it's saying Pretzels is on first and there are no runners on second and third. Should I assume we have a 2-run lead? Yes, yes, I can assume that. Another single for Ernie, getting Pretzels to third with less than two outs. Youk, you better bring him home.

Youk, you fail. Papi? No? Ok, fine. At least we have a lead.

*****

Top fourth! Can I say it's an absolute travesty that John Lackey has as many wins as Joshua? Where is the justice in that? Apparently Josh didn't like the wait. Sweetheart, we do not walk the first batter we see after getting a lead. This is something you should know, but in case you forgot, there's your reminder. For next time. Double play, please. Or a strikeout. Damnit, Josh, stop wasting pitches! No, seriously, Josh, enough of the shit. You just walked two guys in a row. Is it because I made a Lackey comparison? You're an adult. Suck it up.

Wow. Ouch. Josh, if you were trying to hurt me, you win. That hurt. That's it, no more exclamation marks for you. I am boycotting the rest of this half inning, you jerk.

Bottom fourth! I'm pretty furious right now. What the hell just happened? Is this a nightmare? Because it feels like a nightmare! The offense hopefully still deserves the enthusiasm.

Oh, Reddick.... no, darling. That's not what I needed right now. Sutton? Can you help me out here? Ok, guess not. Tek, dearest... I love you, but I'm going to be mighty miffed if you don't get on base here. The thought is that you don't go down 1-2-3 after your starter has a really craptacular inning. Give him a chance to breathe, boys.

....and a little part of me dies. Ugh.

*****

Top fifth. Josh, just so you know, I've got Timlin on speed dial, and he's got a crossbow. Don't think that one good inning after a figurative punch to my jaw is going to make things cool between us again. It's a start, but you've hurt me and you have to work to fix this.

Bottom fifth! Munchkin, I like that you're on base, but it's the fifth inning. Can we get on with the hitting, please? Ugh. Fail. Angry, angry failing. Whatever, guys. I'm abandoning you in a few minutes anyway.

*****

Top sixth. Josh is still in this thing? Really? That's not fair. All the good times we've had can't be tainted by one bad inning that I blame Lackey for anyway, right? Right. I still love you, Josh, but... you know... the suckage should stop.

I read somewhere that Josh get the least amount of run support out of all of the starters. Josh also gives up a lot fewer runs that most of the starters, so he doesn't need as much help. Maybe he's tired of being underappreciated by his offense and this is his way of rebelling? He had the patented "Beckett Bad Fourth" just to show the guys that he needs run support, too. Believe me, I understand the need for run support, but putting yourself in a hole is no way to go about getting it. NEITHER IS WALKING PEOPLE! STOP THIS NONSENSE, JOSHUA PATRICK BECKETT! Look at this. You made me yell. Do you know how much it takes to make me yell? Actually, not that much, but stop it! Thank you.

Bottom sixth. Sorry, offense, you lost the exclamation points, too. I have nothing to be excited about regarding the way you've played today. Youk, I've got a really big problem with swinging at the first pitch when you so obviously can't handle it. Papi... please don't make me yell at you. Grounding out makes me want to yell at you. Reddick? Please? Something, guys. I've got to leave in five minutes. Do. Something. You... you think staring at three straight pitches counts as 'something?' Because it does not. Reddick, you've failed me. You've all failed me, and now I'm going to be sad at the concert. Way to go, Sox. Don't think I'm not going to follow up on this game later. You're spared the rest of my anger for now. JUST for now.

Midget King Strikes Again: Also, Papi Slams Royals

Some days, it's really difficult to come up with a stupid title for my posts. Some days, I can stare at the blank little line for literally twenty minutes thinking "There is nothing worth turning into a title. Why is there nothing worth turning into a title?!" And then I get frustrated and write something stupid that leaves me shaking my head. Not today. Today we've got a plethora of highlights to go over. Hint: Two of them are mentioned in my title today. Alright, kids, take out your notebooks and get ready to take notes.

First off, let's start with the Lackey Pledge, a campaign of sorts bravely started in an effort to give Mudpie the warm fuzzies whenever he takes the Fenway mound. Lauren's got the right idea, and I encourage all of you to make your own version of the Lackey pledge and stick with it. Here's mine:

I, Jup, do solemnly pledge to only curse the name of John Lackey on occasions which he truly deserves the ridicule. These occasions, moments in which he has surpassed the 'Lackey Limit,' are still subject to cursing, threat-making, object-throwing, defenestration, and general unpleasantness. All other occasions are subject to quiet murmuring about how one John Lackey shouldn't be allowed to pitch with that face.

Pledge done. Even crappy pitchers deserve to not be pelted with tomatoes once in a while I guess.

Onto baseball! So Mudpie still sort of sucked, but I don't care because our offense showed up again, so we don't even have to discuss the pitching today! YAY! (Actually, boo, because I like pitching, but you know) To start... MC Laser Show at it again, extending that hitting streak to 24 games and spreading general badassery towards all aspects of his game. Another three hits, to go along with his four from last night. If I were an opposing pitcher, I'd be terrified of Pedroia right now. If only he had gotten that home run last night. Sigh.

In the 'ok fine, I'll give you credit' category, Pretzels also had a fine night at the plate, going 3-for-4 with a 1st inning lead-off home run, a walk to bring in a run, and a double. Pretzels, in case you did not know, is batting .325. And he's got 17 home runs. Aren't those two signs of the Apocalypse? I think they are. Keep an eye out for horsemen.

And then there's Papi. Our lovable big man only had one hit last night, but that hit was grand. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, a fourth inning grand slam. It was crushed, and if you didn't know it was out right off the bat, then you weren't paying attention. This, of course, is the best way to record your 1,000 RBI as a member of the Sox. 1,000 RBIs for Papi. The number's mindblowing if you think about it, and he joins a pretty elite club of Yaz, Teddy Ballgame, Jim Ed Rice, Dewey, and Bobby Doerr. I don't have a fun nickname for Bobby Doerr. Sorry. Think about how many of those RBIs were in critical moments... how many of them gave us leads, how many of them tied the game in late innings when we needed him the most. Just think of how many of them are against the Yankees. I love Ortiz, and all he has done for the Sox during his nine year career. Congratulations on 1,000 well-loved and very-appreciated RBIs, Papi.

More offensive 'props' (as the kids would say) to Ernie, whose three hits for the night brought his average up to .351. That's a pretty number, but it's about 49 points lower than I would like it to be. You've got two months, big guy. Get going on that, ok? Also, Youkilis stole a base. You literally do not see that every day. He now has 2 SB's for the season. Ronald and Yamaico each had a pair of hits. Production from the bottom of the order is important when your top three hitters are as hot as Pretzels, Munchkin, and Ernie. Offense is fun when it's coming from our guys.

This afternoon, in yet another attempt by the universe to keep me from witnessing the sheer glory of watching Beckett pitch, Josh will be taking on the guy that Lester threw the no-hitter against. Yup, Beckett vs. Hochevar. If I have time, I might live-blog... but I don't want to make any promises.

Speaking of promises, I completely forgot to put up those Celebrity Putt-Putt pictures. Will someone please remind me to post those when I get home?

Lucky Man: Offense Shows Up For Miller

Andrew Miller, I hope you treated the entire starting lineup to a steak dinner last night. Wow. That was some bad pitching, Andrew. Truly bad. The location was way off of where Tek was setting up, and you weren't fooling anyone. The Kansas City Royals, though a fine young team, are 17 games under .500, and you couldn't make it out of the fourth inning without giving up nine hits and seven runs. And yet.... yet, you didn't lose. That is luck.

Or maybe it's not luck. Maybe it's talent. Not Miller's talent. No, everyone else's talent. Miller has the benefit of being on a very good offensive team. As a matter of fact, our boys were the top offensive team in the AL during the first half of the season. They made a game out of this shitshow, and they brought home a win for Aceves... you know, the guy who pitched 1/3rd of an inning less than Miller and managed to give up seven fewer runs? Yeah, that guy. He has been priceless to the Sox. There's no debate there.

Another guy who's been priceless basically for his entire career? Yep. The Muddy Chicken Laser Show Munchkin. Whatever you want to call him, he's irreplacable. Right now, our mighty midget is up to a 23 game hit streak and is impervious to superstition. Didn't he look like a twelve year old last night with no facial hair? I think it's precious. Regardless of what age MC Laser Show appears, he actually is a grown-up who can hit Major League pitching like nobody's business. Little guy was a home run short of the cycle last night, and his deep fly in his last at-bat looked like it had a chance. Oh well, another time.

Between the Chicken and Papi collecting eight hits, the love of my life had a solo home run in the seventh, keeping that batting average up to .235. Listen, .235 might be nothing worth writing home over, but for our elderly backup catcher, isn't that good enough? I think it is! And I'm always right... at least in my world.

Franklin Morales had another rough outing, giving up 2 runs in the ninth. I did specifically ask Franklin not to make a habit out of giving up runs. He may not have heard me, so I'll remind him: Franklin, I would appreciate if you did not make a habit out of giving up runs late in the game, ok? I know we had a comfortable lead, but 13-9 is honestly a little too close for comfort.... especially against the Royals.

I'm happy with the game. I am! I'm happy with MC Laser Show, and Papi, and Tek, and Aceves, and what the hell, let's give some credit to Albers because he's been solid. I'd like to see Andrew Miller locate better, and I think it's silly that we couldn't get a hit off of their outfielder, but it's fine. We'll be ready for him next time.

Tonight, Lackey tries to seal up at least a series tie against Bruce Chen. I have zero faith in Lackey, but you never know. He likes to pitch well when I'm not at the park, so he'll probably throw a no-hitter. And he'd do it to spite me.

Wake Wins 199: 185 With Sox

On top of recording his 2,000th strikeout, making small children laugh, and being the happy grandfatherly face of the franchise since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, Tim is now one win away from #200. He's a mere eight wins away from that record that I talk about all the time. I cannot allow myself to imagine a scenario in which he does not reach this goal. He HAS TO get there, doesn't he? If it's not a law, it should be. Somebody get going on that, ok?

This one looked like it was going to get real ugly early with Timmy getting beat up pretty well in the first. He was lucky to only have given up two runs, and he was even luckier that his team wanted to score runs. The tiniest part of me feels bad for the Mariners, but we need every win we can get. Their first inning, two run lead lasted approximately five minutes, give or take a couple. Their rookie was NO mystery to the Sox in the first, who batted around and recorded five runs while barely breaking a sweat.

Get it? Because it was so fricken hot on Friday and Saturday and Sunday wasn't as bad? Comedic gold, I know. That's what they pay me for, ladies and gentleman.

Youkilis had a home run.... Pretzels, Crawford, Reddickulous, and Muddy Chicken all had doubles. Every starter in the lineup recorded a hit except Scutaro. MC, Papi, and Scoots are the only three starters who didn't have RBIs. Let's be honest for a minute... I don't want to recount every run, and you guys already know what happened, so you don't need to re-read it.

The highlights are that Wake got the win, Aceves continues to be priceless out of the pen, and no one died of dehydration on the field. It's a win for all, right? No, it's a win for Tim. Don't try to take his credit.

Tonight, we welcome back my boy Jonny Lester to face the Royals. I've missed Jonny.... but unfortunately I won't be able to watch the game. Someone should let me know how he looks out on the mound. My guess is 'awesome' but I don't want to show my prejudices just yet....

Joshua Wins: Tito Gets To 1,000

Who better to have on the mound when you're going for your 1,000th win as a manager than JPB? Well, Pedro in his prime, of course, but since that was not available, we'll go with Josh. Wasn't Josh pretty on the mound Saturday? The hits may have been a little high, but the runs were low, and he recorded one strikeout for every hit surrendered. That's balance. Josh was well-balanced. And pretty. Did I mention pretty, because that's really high up there on the list. And by 'Beckett was pretty', I mean 'Beckett's fastball was pretty.... also, Josh is an attractive man, but definitely love the fastball.'

Despite being pretty with a delightful fastball, a pleasant changeup, and a lovely curveball, Josh walked off the field without a lead. A solo home run to My Carp to begin the seventh was the difference in the game when Josh finished up.... and then the offense took over.

It wasn't the most explosive rally we've ever seen in the seventh, but I will never turn my nose up at a three-run rally.... especially when that rally is started by a bases-empty, 2-out single from the love of my baseball life. Strangely enough, it was Pretzels again to do the damage and seal up the win for Josh. Munchkin and Ernie combined to distract David Pauley enough for the third run to score, and there's your offense.

At the end of the day, Josh picked up the win, lowered his ERA, and gave me a good reason to recap the game. Usually I get these recaps up early on Monday, and I'm only on Saturday's game. Man, I am dragging today. I wouldn't expect much better out of me tomorrow, though.

Up next, Tim Wakefield goes for win #199, and I miss everything after the fifth inning and I pretend that I knew what happened. Stay tuned!

Rock Bottom: Mariners Can't Beat Lackey. Why?

Once again, Mudpie turns in a nice little pitching performance on a night that I am not in the park. What will it take to get him to pitch that well on a night that I'm at Fenway? Because let's face it, I already know that he'll probably be pitching the next game I go to, and I would like to see a win. Just giving you advanced warning, Mudpie, so you can have all the extra time to come up with new ways to disappoint me.

Offense is key though, people. Good pitching is important, but you can't win a game if you don't score any runs. Luckily, the offense brought some of their run producing bats and were able to get the job done on Friday. After Mudpie allowed a run in the first, Youkilis was able to get said run right back with an RBI single. Two innings later, Pretzels put us on top to stay with a solo home run. Is it weird to anyone else that he has 16 home runs? Why does he have 16 home runs? I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with that.

It looked like a nailbiter of a game with a one-run lead going into the bottom of the seventh... and then it almost turned into a laugher, and then it went back to save situation.... yeah, one of THOSE games. I wasn't entirely sure what my anxiety level was supposed to be by the time Pap came in for the ninth. A five-run seventh gave us a 7-1 lead (thanks largely to Ernie, Youkilis, and Papi), and then a 3-run Mariner home run cut that lead to 7-4. I will not fault Morales for the 3-run homer this time, but let's not make a habit of this, eh Franklin?

Besides, it didn't matter. It was still a relatively comfortable win for a majority of the time, especially with a nice clean inning from Pap. It's now three days later and I still haven't figured out what my anxiety level should be, so there's that. On to game two of the series!

500!: That's A Big Number

Here's the deal.... I haven't been posting. I've been sitting on post #499 for pretty much the entire week because I was trying to come up with something fun and awesome for my 500th post. And you know what? I give up. I have no research projects or fun tirades to go on. So now we're back to the drivel. Hope you're all cool with that.

Actually, in the land of happiness and sunshine, I got to attend Jason Varitek's Celebrity Putt-Putt last evening. I dopishly said three words to Jason as I was photographed with him. I can't help myself... it's the thighs. They make me speechless. Around him, I am the ultimate fangirl and all I can do is giggle. He looked positively stunning in his purple golf shirt, folks.

I also spent a significant amount of time standing near Joshua Patrick. I was behind the guard rail, so I didn't get to, you know, talk to him. He didn't acknowledge most of the folks outside of the guard rail. But I snapped a bunch of fancy pictures of him in which he looks completely possessed. Josh might be the devil. Just putting that out there. I'm ok with it, though.

I saw Salty holding a small child who I will presume is his daughter. Tim Wakefield had her giggling because he kept reaching over to tickle her. I'd like to believe that Wakefield tickles everyone. It seems like a very grandfatherish thing to do, and he should be grandfatherish. It was pretty adorable.

I was lead to believe that Lester, Youk, and Ernie were going to be at this event. I didn't see any of them, but I did get stuck staring at Lackey. Who let him out of his cage, huh? I demand my money back. Now he's trying to ruin non-baseball games for me, and I don't think that's acceptable.

I'll try to put a couple of pictures up later if I remember... and I will edit them into this entry and delete this paragraph so it looks like it all went up together seamlessly. And that's that. Five hundred posts. Thanks to all you nice people who keep coming back to read my ramblings!

The Muddy Chicken?: What The Heck Did I Miss?

I have neglected my blogging duties for the past week or so. I did not stop watching the games, but I decided to have my own little All-Star Break. It was well-deserved. I've never blogged so much in my life as I have so far this season. I'm out of blog-shape, and my fingers needed a while to recover. But I'm back! You can't get rid of me that easily.

Unfortunately, the one game I didn't get to watch since the ASB was last night's game. I want to know how Pedroia got the nickname The Muddy Chicken. I demand to know this information. Whoever provides me with said information will win a lifetime supply of my gratitude. It's priceless, people. Once in a lifetime opportunity!

Sixteen innings, huh? Apparently the game ended at 1:56 AM. Had I known that it was still going on, I would have listened on the radio as I drove home at 1 AM. How was I supposed to know that there would be minimal offense heading into the 16th inning? I was preoccupied. With Josh on the mound, I didn't expect much offense out of the Rays, but I sort of expected something out of our boys. Another 8 inning, 1 hit performance vs the Rays for Joshua. Where was this Josh during the Phillies series? You know what? I don't even care, as long as his knee stays normally extended. But after Josh, Bard, Albers, Morales, Aceves, AND Papelbon had to work, so we're looking at a pretty tired bullpen tonight. Them's the breaks, I guess. Seriously nice work by Aceves, though. That guy seems to step up big time when we need him. Cookies for Aceves!

But it's Pedroia... our little Munchkin.... our spark plug that zapped all of the energy from the Rays and let Sox fans to go sleep happy. Not that he needed to add "16th Inning Hero" to his list of accomplishments, because I'm not so sure that ego can fit into Fenway any more, but I'll take it anyway. I mean, what more can I say? Kudos to both teams for bringing each other to the brink of exhaustion and destruction? Next time, wrap it up in nine, please? Both teams rocked last night/this morning... it just so happened that Munchkin, as usual, rocked a little bit harder. End of story.

Wake tonight, going for win 185. I believe in Timmy.

Winning For Weiland: Wild Weekend Winds Down

I was wondering how many 'w's I could fit in my title and still have it make some kind of sense. The answer was six. Go ahead and count if you don't believe me.

This was another insane, weird game. Our rookie pitcher gets ejected in the fifth inning for hitting a batter? Umps, come on. I know you had warned the benches in an effort to avoid any more brawling, but the kid was a rookie who had already given up six runs. Do you really think he did that intentionally? I think nerves and a lack of command were more the culprits than intention, don't you? Oh, you don't? That's why you ejected the itty bitty baby pitcher from his first major league start before he could finish the fifth inning in a game where his team had literally just gotten him the lead and he would have been in line for his first big league win? I see. Alright then.

The second inning was a little... eh, we'll go with shaky. It wasn't all Weiland (whose name gives me an overwhelming urge to call him Scott, much like the front man of the Stone Temple Pilots, but I digress); the fielding was pretty shaky. I'm not blaming anyone in particular for the six runs in the second inning, but I don't think Kyle was as bad as the box score shows. There were some nerves, there were some badly played balls, and there was some pretty crummy luck. I hope he can bounce back from this because I did see some promise for him.

And, oh, offense. I'm surprised Showalter's boys didn't hit more of our batters after we scored that eighth run off of them. I know their kid, Gonzalez, threw behind Papi, but David kept his cool and Mike Gonzalez got ejected. That was a stupid play. Your team is losing in a close game, and you're going to get ejected because what? You want to keep trying to make that point that no one else on the Orioles has been able to make? Like David said, "Situations happen. I guess people make their own decisions, so whatever." Whatever is right, Papi.

Oh yeah, offense. That's what I started writing about. Down 6-2 heading to the bottom of the second, Scutaro and Munchkin both hit solo shots, and Youkilis hit a 2-run shot to tie it up. Guthrie, now pitching for the O's, walked Papi to force in the winning run in the 4th. Pretzels added an RBI single in the seventh, and that would do it for the scoring.

Other props to Alfredo Aceves, who earned the win after Weiland came out of the game. He tossed three innings of no-hit ball, then Bard and Paps closed it out. And that was that. In four games, we outscored the O's 32-13? I think that sounds right. Way to show us who's boss, Orioles.

Lackey Doesn't Suck: But Only When I'm Not At The Park

Is it petty of me to be a little annoyed that he pitched so well? I mean, I know it was the Orioles and all, but I've been in attendance for the two starts at Fenway prior to this, and he was atrocious. Knowing that he's CAPABLE of pitching that well makes me angry that he doesn't do it when I'm wasting my money. /bitterness.... but not really.

Good ol' Buck Showalter... oh man, you and your team need to calm yourselves. Honestly, trash talking with nothing to back it up makes you look really bad. This is what Show had to say about Lackey after the game:

"I thought the key was we didn't do much against Lackey, and it seems like a lot of the American League has," said O's manager Buck Showatler. "So hats off to him, but we expected a little bit offensive output tonight."

That just reeks of bitchiness, doesn't it? Am I reading this wrong, or did he essentially say that everyone knows Mudpie sucks and he's surprised they didn't score a ton of runs off of him? Buck, he might be Lackey, but you're still the Orioles! Get back in the basement and be quiet, ok?

We gave them a chance. The offense didn't explode for eight runs in the first again. We scored less than eight runs in the entire game, and we gave them Mudpie to tee off on, but they couldn't. They couldn't do anything with Mudpie, or Bard, or Papelbon. Our offensive contribution for the night was a triple and four doubles, three of which scored runs. Pretzels tripled while Youkilis, Reddick, and Munchkin doubled. We were nice enough to keep the ball in the yard.

I feel like this post has taken a very snarky, anti-Orioles turn. Again, I'm not anti-Orioles. I love the Orioles. Really, I'm just anti-Kevin Gregg and anti-Buck Showalter running his mouth about how much he hates the Red Sox. Also, I take offense to his comments about Mudpie. Weird, right? It's sort of like, I can say anything I want about my family and that's fine, because they're my family, but you are NOT allowed to talk negatively about them. I never EVER thought I would compare Mudpie to a member of my family. I must not be feeling well. I think I'm going to lie down...

Friday Fight Night: Fights, Injuries, and Smack Talk

2010, haunt me no more! Leave me to my new baseball season! I told you before, it's not going to work between us. You're hurting the people I love just to get my attention, but it's never going to happen. We're never getting back together, so it's time for you to go. I've got a new season now, and we're pretty happy. You need to leave me alone.

Dahmer... Lester... Beckett. All injured. This is nightmarical. Nightmarical is the only word that properly describes having Lackey as the only starter left in your rotation. Terrifying isn't a strong enough sentiment; it's got to be nightmarical.

Thank God we were only playing the Orioles, so even with Josh out of the game, we had nothing to worry about. That's right, Kevin Gregg, your team actually sucks. So make whatever point you were trying to make by throwing at Papi. At the end of the day, you just looked like a jackass and your team still got whupped to the tune of 10-3. Yup, in two nights, the Sox outscored you 20-7, so the tough guy act is really adorable, but why don't you try actually winning games instead? Oh, you can't? You mean you're a no-talent hack who has been on five teams in the last six seasons and sports a career ERA of 4, and the only team left willing to let you implode in their bullpen was the Orioles? Also, it's not YOUR job to tell anyone else how to play the game... it's YOUR job to throw the ball and get outs. Can't see to do that, though, can you? Nice work though, Kevin, because this is the probably the last time you will ever be relevant in your career, so enjoy the attention.

It was insanity. Gregg is lucky that Papi didn't land that big hook he threw at him. I don't remember seeing David that fired up. He's a scary guy when he's angry. And seeing Marco Scutaro jumping on Gregg, only to be flipped around like a hula hoop? Priceless. Having Reddick make the third out of the inning because he abandoned third base to join the ruckus? Craziness. When's the last time we saw that happen? And what the heck did Salty do to get ejected?! Either way, this is probably the last I'll write about the fight, because Ortiz wasn't proud of it and I don't want to harp on something he wasn't proud of. Instead, let's harp on the offense!

Eight runs in the first inning. Yessir, eight. Five guys (not the burger joint) recorded RBIs in the first. Those fine gentlemen were Youkilis, Ortiz (on a home run... I guess if I were the Orioles, I would have been a bit miffed by him also), McDonald, Pretzels, and Ernie. There was a lot of sloppy Orioles fielding in there. My shortstop, JJ Hardy, looked pretty bad... but it's ok because I still love him. The O's starter didn't even last the inning, getting pulled with two outs. Do I feel pity for him? NO! You never pity the enemy, friends, even if you do sort of love them. Pity is for the weak!

Joshua got a little sloppy in the fifth, and then our loose-jointed starter gave up three runs, hyperextended his knee, and STILL managed to finish the inning without allowing five more runs. Weird how good pitchers can do that. I hope he's as ok as he claims to be because too much time without seeing Josh makes me grumpy. And nobody likes me when I'm grumpy.

The Sox tacked on two more, one on a sixth inning Pedroia home run, and the other on an eighth inning Reddickulous triple that scored said Munchkin... right before the fireworks. Yeah, crazy game alright... but we still won. Next up, the horrible reality that is John Lackey against the saddest team in the AL East. Nightmarical, right? Definitely.

I Sort Of Love The Orioles: Also, The Rays Right Now.

That's not me being obnoxious or sarcastic. I legitimately sort of love the Orioles. They're like my backup team. I know, the general rule is one favorite from the AL, one favorite from the NL but I just kind of have a soft spot for them. They've got a beautiful ball park in a beautiful city, and they tend to get at least a few players that I like (MILLAR!) once in a while. I like going to Camden Yards even when the Sox aren't playing there. The Orioles are just kind of delightful.

Also, right now, it doesn't hurt them that they feature my coveted shortstop and they let us win to get back to the top of the division before the ASB. Us being number one is also why I sort of love the Rays. That affection will fade quickly, because I don't enjoy the Rays in any capacity when they aren't doing something to positively effect my team.

I'm also a huge fan of my team hitting six home runs in a single night, with three that went back-to-back-to-back (nice work, Papi, Reddickulous, and Salty) because that generally means that I don't have to worry about who's coming out of the bullpen. Keep in mind, I still shut the game off when Jenks came in. I had to, for the sake of my own sanity, not watch him. It would have ruined the delightful glow of home run hitting that the game had going for it. Aside from the B-2-B-2-B HR's, Pedroia also took one completely out of the park over the monster, Pretzels hit his second in two days, and Ernie showed everyone that he was just fine with a solo shot of his own. All those homers and an RBI groundout from Drew, and your final score is 10-4 Sox, America.

The offense saved Andrew Miller from his first loss. He had a bit of a rough night, with his pitch count rising very high early on. He only made it through five, and he walked more (4) than he allowed hits (3), but he was still able to come away with the win. I enjoy the offense when they pick up the kid pitchers on bad nights. It's good for all involved... except the opposing team, I guess.

Beckett vs. Britton tonight. I'm sure you know who I have my hypothetical money on.

Punchy Sort of Week: Cookies and Spine Punches For Jays Series

He looks ready for spine punches, don't you think?

I've been really good about not having Timlin punch many spines lately. It's part of my effort to be more positive about baseball in general, and I think it's going well. This week, though? A couple of punches need to be distributed. It's only fair. But don't worry, because there are plenty of cookies to hand out, too!

As a side note, I'm kind of surprised I'm still doing this. I'm way beyond my typical two-weeks-before-boredom mark. Oh well! Let's hand 'em out!

Varitek - 70 cookies - plus five for blocking the plate (I guess? Maybe?) and driving in one of our three RBIs in game 2.
Munchkin - 43 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus 2 for his GM 2 home run. Chicks dig the long ball, guys.
Wakefield - 37 cookies - plus six for career win #198, Sox career win #184
Papi - 35 cookies - plus 2 for the double that started the game 2 mini-rally.
Beckett - 30 cookies
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Youk - 23 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch
Drew - 16 cookies - plus two for driving in a run in Gm 2
Lester - 14 cookies - plus three so his injury heals faster. Also for having a no-hitter for a couple of innings.
Tito - 12 cookies, one Timlin spine punch
Ellsbury - 11 cookies - plus five for having a great game 3.
Crawford - 10 cookies
Ernie - 10 cookies
Dahmer - 8 cookies
Salty - 7 cookies, 2 spine punches - plus one for a game 1 triple
Dan Wheeler - 7 cookies - plus six for crucial clean innings after the Lackey fiasco in game one.
Aceves - 6 cookies
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Lowrider - 3 cookies
Paps - 2 cookies, 2 Timlin spine punch - plus one spine punch and minus two cookies for two really bad performances in a row.
Matt Albers - 2 cookies for pitching in after the Lester injury
Franklin Moralez - 2 cookies for the same reason as Albers
Daniel Bard - 2 cookies.... see above.
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Yamaico Navarro - 1 cookie
Lackey - -14 cookies, 3 spine punches - plus three spine punches because HE SUCKS.
Jenks - 3 Timlin spine punches

Soggy Pretzels: Jacoby Excels In Rainy Game

I give Pretzels a lot of grief. I call him soft and claim that half of his body is made of marshmallows. I constantly berate him for being an overrated fielder and yell at his image on my TV that he's useless if he's not stealing bases. I am not nice to Pretzels. I don't have to be, and I'm not going to change. But today? Today he gets a break from the abuse, because he had one hell of a game last night, and I am not above giving him credit when he earns it. He went 3-for-5 (including his third lead-off home run of the season), stole a base, and played pretty solid defense.... even if his best play of the night didn't count because the umpires are ridiculous and didn't bother to let anyone know that time had been called. It's a shame. His catch against the wall, and pinpoint accurate throw back into the infield was delightful. It should have counted. Well played, Pretzels.

The other story was Grandfather Tim(e) himself. Yes, Timothy notched career win #198, improved his record to 5-3, and put in a quality start by all definitions of the term. More importantly to me, he got Red Sox career win #184, putting him in a position where he only needs eight more wins to tie Cy, and nine more wins to move passed him... and that other guy who I don't like to talk about. I want to see him in sole possession of that record when it's all said and done. Nine more wins... two and a half months left to the season. Does he have nine more wins in him this season? Better yet, will he have enough starts to try to earn those nine wins? If my bake sale plan goes through, he will. We just have to get John Lackey out of the rotation so we can keep Wakefield in. Right now, between the two of them, it's an absolute no-brainer who deserves the job.

Overall, it was a pretty decent offensive night. Ricky Romero has his problems with the Sox, and he just can't seem to shake them, but I'm not complaining. Everyone in the starting lineup had a hit, except Ortiz and Scutaro... who could easily be replaced with JJ Hardy. It's just an observation. Hardy is trade bait right now. Back on point, it's nice to score six runs on a night that Ernie is riding the pine with a sore neck. I will not bemoan him the day off as he has played in every game this season up until last night. I mean, sure, the ASB starts in four days... but no bemoaning here. Navarro, Ronald, and Youkilis combined to put as many RBIs on the board as Pretzels put up himself (3), and we had a nice three-run cushion heading into the ninth inning... only after sitting through a 40-minute rain delay. What's a game without a rain delay or two?

But oh, Papelbon. It seems you have the same problem with the Jays that Romero has with the Sox. You see them in the opposing dugout and you start to suck. It's a terrible affliction, and I suggest therapy to get over it. Paps had me holding my breath and cursing his name at the same time. I think there might have been an armageddon if he had blown this game, because I'm really rooting hard for every possible Wakefield win. Every single one, Paps. So just a friendly suggestion... you might want to pull your sucky shenanigans on other pitchers. Like Lackey. He doesn't ever deserve to win anyway. I guess you could try pulling that on Beckett, but I assume he'd put an end to that pretty quickly on his own. If Dice ever pitches another major league game, pull your garbage on him. But not Tim. You leave Tim's leads alone, y'hear? He's got milestones to reach!

Mike Cameron: Marlin

And just like that, it's over. After being designated for assigment by the Sox just a few days ago, Mike Cameron has been traded to the Florida Marlins for cash or the dreaded PTBNL.

I really do wish him well. He always had a smile on his face, whether he was hitting or not, whether he got playing time or not. It had to hurt watching them trot JD Drew out there, knowing that he was a better fielder and had the potential to be a better hitter. He handled it with grace. I hope he gets more playing time with the Marlins than he did with us. Good luck, Mike! Keep smiling!

In other matters... Theo, I need a favor. I don't know if you could actually get this done, but I promise to stop bitching at you at LEAST until the end of the season (maybe longer!) if you could at least try. Are you listening? Good!

So Theo... rumor has it that my coveted shortstop, JJ Hardy, is on the trading block. I want him on my team. You OWE me this, because you took Gonzo away from me TWICE! TWICE, THEO! Do you know how painful it was for me to see him leave twice? Damn near broke my heart. I'm asking nicely. Please try. Make an effort. I want Hardy between second and third by August 1st. I don't think it's much to ask. Do you? No. You don't. Thanks in advance!

No, Jonny, NOOOOOO!: Sox Win Despite Lester's Injury

Jonny Bear, how could you!? How could you strain your left lat and come out of a no-hitter before I even got home? I know I was a lot later than usual and I should have been there to watch you, but you knew I'd be there. Oh God, this is all my fault, isn't it?!

Faux melodramatics aside... I am kind of worried about Jon being injured. See, we sort of need him. Unlike the OTHER starter with the initials JL, THIS JL is actually important to the team. I just hope that with rest and the ASB coming up, Jon won't miss too much time, because honestly... we need him. A lot. Our left-handed Beckett. Our co-ace. Our no-hit hero. Am I pushing this too far? I don't care. He's vital. I love Jon.

Papelbon, on the other hand.... oh man. Jonathan, I seriously hope you took Tek and Ronald out for as much alcohol as their livers could handle, because they saved your dancing ass. With two out, two on, and two runs already in, Paps allowed a single to left. Encarnacion came running home. Ronald shot that ball back in to Tek like it was his job, and Tek blocked the plate and somehow by the grace of all that is holy, got the out at home. I know that John Farrel doesn't think Tek made the tag, but John? You're not in Boston any more. No one cares what you think. I barely cared what you thought while you were here. Since baseball refuses instant replay, you have to live with the call. To me, all biases aside, I thought he made the tag. Maybe I saw it wrong. Who knows? It was two great plays to cover up some crappy pitching from our closer. Jonathan, though, was the only pitcher out of the pen who had a bad night. Matt Albers, Franklin Morales, and Daniel Bard were all fantastic, stepping up huge when we needed them. Cookies are coming to you three. Just be patient.

So how did we score our three runs? Let me tell you a story....

Once upon a time in the magical land of Fenway, the mighty giant David stood on second base. Our hero, Captain Varitek saw him stranded in a sea of blue and cast a spell that made the little white orb that held mighty David at second fly into left field. David ran home safely and Captain Tek replaced him on the base. Seeing that the Captain was now stuck, the oft-injured JD The Broken took it upon himself to save Varitek from the curse of the white orb. He also sent the ball flying, this time to right, and the Captain was free to return home. Then one inning later, the Mighty Midget hit a home run, and that's your story, kids. Go to bed.

Yes, I know it's not even 8 AM, go to bed anyway. No? Well, you WERE good in listening to the story. I'll reward you with some lovely pictures of the Captain from Monday's game. Just three. I wouldn't want to spoil your appetite. Here you go.

You're welcome.

Happiness Assassin: John Lackey Destroys Another Nice Day

John Lackey is horrible.

Everything about him is repulsive. His pitching, his attitude, his smarm. Oh yes, he's smarmy. It's digusting. It's at the point that when I have tickets to game Lackey is scheduled to pitch, as I did yesterday, I strongly consider selling them because I know Lackey is going to suck, and I'm going to have wasted money to watch him suck. He never lets me down in that aspect. For my second trip to Fenway in a row, I've been stuck watching the shitshow that is John Lackey. My friend Amy and I set a "Lackey Limit" before each of his starts. We decide how many runs he can allow in how many innings before we give up and go to Game On! to drink away the memories before they fully form and become permanent. Yesterday's Lackey limit was set at 8 runs in 4 innings. It was a reasonable limit, I thought. Thankfully, Tito didn't let him get that far, and Amy and I were able to stay for the whole game. Don't get me wrong, he was close. One more batter and he would have reached that limit, I'm sure of it. Nobody likes you, John Lackey. Do the right thing, give back your paycheck and retire because you are flat out stealing from the good people of Boston. You horrible troll man.

The Sox did try to rally. They cut the deficit to two runs. The bullpen pitched well, but we can't expect them to completely shut down a team for six and two thirds innings. I mean, the rest of the team did everything they could to catch up, but the hole Lackey put them in was too deep. Because he sucks. I'm not kidding, even if he doesn't need Tommy John surgery, can't the Sox just force him to get it anyway? Please?

Dan Wheeler was fantastic. He gets loads of credit in my book for going out there and throwing almost three innings of scoreless baseball. Pretzels and Salty (side note - haha, salty pretzels) both tripled in runs and tried their hardest to tie it up. Unfortunately, we ran out of magic with Pretzels on second in the ninth with nobody out. Francisco proceeded to strike out Munchkin, Ernie, and Navarro (all three swinging... at least they didn't stare at strike three, so credit there, too) to end the game and to send us all home sad. Valiant effort, but it fell just short.

And it's all John Lackey's fault.

A brief discussion about Lackey over at Lauren's blog (Too Soxy for my Shirt... click the link. DO IT!), I've decided that John Lackey will be called Mudpie from now on. Because he is dirty and gross and unpleasant and he stinks. All. The. Time. And I'm just hoping that the Red Sox do the right thing and give me reason to not have to ever write about Mudpie again.

Hey Now: You're An All-Star

Get your game on, go play. I'm talking to you, Papi. And you, Ernie, And definitely you, Joshua Patrick. And sort of you, Pretzels.

Sorry, I know... I really like my outdated references. I just can't help myself! It's a sickness. If I ever make a relevant reference, I might be scared. But don't you think Smash Mouth deserves a shout-out on a baseball blog around the All-Star break every once in a while? I do.

The rosters are now almost set, and your starting fielders for the silly, useless game are as follows:

C Alex Avila Tigers
1B Adrian Gonzalez Red Sox
2B Robinson Cano Yankees
3B Alex Rodriguez Yankees
SS Derek Jeter Yankees
OF Jose Bautista Blue Jays
OF Curtis Granderson Yankees
OF Josh Hamilton Rangers
DH David Ortiz Red Sox

I love that Alex Avila made the cut, because he DESERVES to be there. As much as I can't stand Cano, I guess I can justify him being there. Even A-Rod. I can't stand him, but I can't deny he's talented... even if that talent was delivered to him via syringe. But this isn't about steroids. I don't even care about steroids or A-Rod, or Cano. No, what really really boils my blood is Jeter's inclusion. Shame on you, everyone who voted for him just because his name is Derek Jeter. He's an awful shortstop, and he can no longer hit. He's no longer an elite player. He's marginal at best, and that's only with a bat. On the field, he's one step from being inept. All-star? Are you kidding me? He's getting close to not even being a starter. Shameful. And THAT is why I don't vote for the All Star game, because no matter how many times I vote, Jeter still gets in. It's less of an honor for everyone else knowing that Jeter is there.

Guys, Jeter sucks. It's true. He didn't always suck, but he does now, and it's time to accept it!

Anyway, I'm happy to see Bautista going, because again, he deserves it. I think Granderson's resurgence with the Yankees is a little suspect, and I don't like him, so I don't want him there. And Josh Hamilton is a drug-abusing, lying fraud and I will always root against him. So there's that. As for the other players from the AL that made it, I'll let MLB.com tell you about that:

The AL pitching staff consists of: starters Josh Beckett (Red Sox), Gio Gonzalez (Athletics), Felix Hernandez (Mariners), David Price (Rays), James Shields (Rays), Justin Verlander (Tigers), Jered Weaver (Angels) and C.J. Wilson (Rangers); and relievers Aaron Crow (Royals), Brandon League (Mariners), Chris Perez (Indians), Mariano Rivera (Yankees) and Jose Valverde (Tigers).

And the backup position players are: catchers Russell Martin (Yankees) and Matt Wieters (Orioles); infielders Adrian Beltre (Rangers), Asdrubal Cabrera (Indians), Miguel Cabrera (Tigers) and Howard Kendrick (Angels); outfielders Michael Cuddyer (Twins), Jacoby Ellsbury (Red Sox), Matt Joyce (Rays) and Carlos Quentin (White Sox); and DH Michael Young (Rangers).

I haven't yet seen news of who the starting pitcher will be, but I don't think that any one of those pitchers would be a bad choice. And can I just say, I'm going to miss seeing Ichiro at the ASG? I can? Good.

I'm going to miss seeing Ichiro at the ASG.

Also, in case anyone cares, the AL team for the Home Run Derby will consist of last year's champion, David Ortiz, as the captain and Jose Bautista and Adrian Gonzalez as.... well, his crew, I guess. A captain's got to have a crew. Good lord, I have been writing a LOT this morning. Nervous energy, I guess.

Texas Cookies: Rewards For A Good Weekend

I've given Timlin the weekend off from his spine-punching duties. He's had to work pretty hard lately, so I figure the least I could do is not have him punch spines after a sweep. Unfortunately, I already know that after the Jays series, he's going to be right back to work.

Jason is still way WAY in the lead, and it doesn't look like he's going to relinquish that lead any time soon. I promised right from the start that I would be biased toward him, so don't act surprised.

Varitek - 65 cookies - plus six for his efforts in game three
Munchkin - 41 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus three for game 1 RBIs
Papi - 33 cookies
Wakefield - 31 cookies
Beckett - 30 cookies - plus six for finishing the sweep
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Youk - 23 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch - plus six for playing effectively through an injured ankle
Drew - 14 cookies
Tito - 12 cookies, one Timlin spine punch
Lester - 11 cookies
Crawford - 10 cookies
Ernie - 10 cookies - plus 3 for game 1 RBIs
Dahmer - 8 cookies
Aceves - 6 cookies
Ellsbury - 6 cookies
Salty - 6 cookies, 2 spine punches
Paps - 4 cookies, 1 Timlin spine punch
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Lowrider - 3 cookies
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Dan Wheeler - 1 cookie
Yamaico Navarro - 1 cookie for his first ML home run
Lackey - -14 cookies
Jenks - 3 Timlin spine punches

Beckett: Swoon.

That's all I have to say about Josh. He didn't swoon; he makes me swoon with his pitches and his grumpiness and his lack of chin. For people like Posada, it's laughable, but it works for Beckett. He uses the facial hair well to craft a shadow chin. Now that I've established how much I love Josh, I will be up front and say I haven't watched this game yet. I pretty much haven't been home for two days, so I recorded it, but I didn't get to see it yet. Don't tell me what happened, guys. I want to see it for myself.

I knew we won, and I knew the final score, but I don't know how that score happened, so I'm going to live-blog my reaction to going over the recap of the game! Let's go!

Ok, my initial reaction is that they need to find a picture of Josh that doesn't make him look constipated. I know it's his pitching face, but I think a picture of the scowl would work just as well, don't you? How about a stare-down? Josh likes to stare. I've seen him do it. There are so many better pictures of our little All-Star. I know! I have about a hundred of them. Alright, let me move passed the picture in the front and check the box. Huh. Each team had six hits? Before scrolling down, I can see that since Joshy got the win, and the Sox didn't score the winning run till the ninth inning, he must have stayed in the game a good long while.... but we'll get there. I want to look at the hitters' stats first.

Youk is the only one credited with an RBI? There must have been a double play in there somewhere. That's slightly irksome, but nothing I can do about it now. Let's see... two hits for Pretzels... oh yeah, that's what I'm calling Ellsbury from now on since he's made of pretzels and marshmallows. I didn't want to forget, because I'm going to stop using CRW. It's all Pretzels from here on out! Anyway, Munchkin was on base three times (one hit, two walks), Ernie also walked twice. Ooh! Tek got a hit. That's pretty awesome. I feel like his batting average has been respectable for an aging backup catcher, don't you? He's getting a hit once every four at-bats. You can't argue with that math. Hey, apparently that hit was a double! That's pretty cool. Showing some power there, Jason? Nice.

Let's move on to pitching. Oh, Joshua, look at your line! It's beautiful! 8 IP 5H 1ER 0BB 11K? That's just fantastic. There are cookies in your future, dearest. Chocolate chip bacon cookies. You seem like you'd enjoy them, and trust me, they're pretty darn good. Paps seems to have had a nice inning too, but I'm not going to give him cookies because I don't want to. I love how I am completely ignoring the Astros' side of the stat page. It doesn't hold any relevance for me.

Now a quick visit to the play-by-play page so I can see how all three runs in the game were scored. So that double play I thought existed? It didn't. Jason (oh, how I love him!) reached on a force attempt and a run scored because Brett Wallace messed up. I'm not complaining about it, I just wish Tek could have gotten an RBI for that. I feel he should have one. I guess to make up for it, in the bottom of the fifth, Wallace doubled and was driven home by Angel Sanchez to tie the game. Boo! Do. Not. Like. Now to the ninth... Kevin Youkilis walked in a run? Really? That's got to be painful for Houston. Walking in the winning run in the ninth? Ouch. Hey, I'll take it, but that's not a pretty way to win. Luckily, like I say all the time, there are no style points in baseball.

Well, I'm happy, and I very much look forward to watching this game. I love watching wins. It's so much more fun that watching John Lackey... who I will angrily get to in a little while. I've got cookies to hand out first...

It's Miller Time: And Other Completely Overused Expressions

Let's be truthful here. Saturday's game should have been out of hand in our favor WAY before the eighth inning. There was a lot of squandering, and I never approve of squandering. It started right in the first inning, folks. We had Happ on the ropes from the get-go, lacing three singles in between a pair of walks. It was a delicious, fully-loaded single sandwich (with no pickles), but I guess Salty doesn't like sandwiches because he all but threw it away and then Ronald helped him by closing the lid to the trash bin. We may have gotten three runs out of the deal, but there should have been more. I personally LIKE sandwiches and disapprove of Salty's apparent distaste for them. I'm trying not to dwell. Moving on!

Miller was decent. I'm not going to harp on the few mistakes he made because he is still essentially an itty bitty baby pitcher in a big leager costume. Aside from the first, there really wasn't an inning that he got himself into trouble. The seven hits he gave up seemed to be spread out enough that they weren't concerning. The two runs he allowed didn't put us in a position that I felt that the game was in danger. It was a fairly relaxing game, as far as baseball games go. I appreciate that, Miller. Thank you.

Munchkin drove in another run in the fifth, Yamaico Navarro hit his first home run ever in the big leagues in the seventh (Yay, Yamaico!), and then came the eighth. Knowing how Salty dislikes sandwiches, the guys decided to set up just a plain old single spread and they loaded the bases with no outs. Apparently, he wasn't a fan of that either, but he didn't double-play it this time. He settled for a sac fly. In an effort to save the inning, Ronald hit a 3-run shot out to the train. In case you don't know where the train is, it is far from home plate. I don't know how far, but far. Youkilis added one more run in the ninth for good luck, but I didn't see it because I shut off the TV as soon as Jenks came into the game in the bottom of the 8th. I had no desire to see any of that, even though he supposedly did well.

With those ten runs, the Sox took game two from the Astros and made us forget just a little about how bad they've played during this road trip. Hold on tight, boys and girls, because we've only got one interleague game to go! Try not to cry too much.

Frustrating For Tim: Good For The Win Total

Now that 4th of July weekend is over, and I've been sufficiently sunburnt, I can catch up on my blogging. Hooray! I know, I'm pretty excited about it, too. What I'm not excited about is the lack of run support for one Timothy Wakefield on Friday night. Scutaro lead off the game with a home run and then they just. Stopped. Hitting. Until Tim came out of the game, that is. After he came out, they just erupted with hits and runs and happy sunshine unicorns. Maybe not that last part. I might have made up that last part.

My dearest Timmy was not having his best day. I'll admit that. Five runs on eleven hits in five and one third to the worst team in baseball? Not the kind of game I would write home about... but in all fairness, I never write home. I'd rather just call. So anyway... we had nothing. The pitching wasn't so hot, there was literally no hitting between our second batter of the game and the end of the sixth inning, and they were in that horrible little park in Houston. Has anyone been there? Is it as horrible as it looks on TV? I don't want to unfairly categorize it as awful if it was just a trick of the light, but it looked like a place I'd never want to be. Ever. For anything.

The top of the seventh began and five straight Sox batters reached base. Two Drews, a Salty, a burger-slinging clown, and Reddickulous combined to bring in two runs and load the bases. Scutaro, looking to take advantage of the situation, promptly struck out, but there was more offense to come. A midget and George Lopez's best friend combined to drive in the last four runs that would be driven in during the game. A single for Munchkin put two on the board, and a double for Ernie matched that. Viola! You have your final score, ladies and fellas. 7-5 Sox.

Timmy didn't get the win, but let's be fair. He didn't deserve it. I'm saddened that he doesn't take a step closer to The Record (is that TM'ed? It should be), but hopefully he'll get many more chances to get that record. And maybe the Sox will remember how to hit WHILE he's on the mound instead of AFTER he comes out of the game. I won't hold my breath for that, though.

Mostly Spine Punches: But Still, A Few Cookies

After the last nine games, going 3 and 6, I was absolutely prepared to just spine punch everyone. Funny how one little win lightens my mood so much. The only one who is getting punched is Bobby Jenks, and you know he deserves it.

Since Mike Cameron is not on the team any more, he's being removed from the cookie list. I'm sorry, Mike, but you have to make it to the end of the season to get your cookies. Again, I wish you well. Here we go.

Varitek - 59 cookies - 12 cookies for participating in the It Gets Better Project, and six for the two home runs in game three.
Munchkin - 38 cookies, 1 spine punch
Papi - 33 cookies
Wakefield - 31 cookies
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Beckett - 24 cookies
Youk - 17 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch - also gets twelve for the IGBP.
Drew - 14 cookies
Tito - 12 cookies, one Timlin spine punch - Nice participation, Tito. Also, thanks for getting Jenks out before it was too late.
Lester - 11 cookies - plus six for pitching one hell of a game
Crawford - 10 cookies
Dahmer - 8 cookies
Ernie - 7 cookies
Aceves - 6 cookies
Ellsbury - 6 cookies
Salty - 6 cookies, 2 spine punches
Paps - 4 cookies, 1 Timlin spine punch - plus three for finishing the ninth
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Lowrider - 3 cookies
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Dan Wheeler - 1 cookie
Lackey - -14 cookies
Jenks - 3 Timlin spine punches - -1 cookie, plus three spine punches for being worthless.

Red Sox Agree: It Gets Better

For those who want to see the video that the Red Sox put together to support the "It Gets Better Project" and the "Trevor Project," go on and click right here. I wish I could embed the video, but that little elf Bud Selig won't let me.

It's great to see the Red Sox tossing in their support for these worthy projects. You can read about the "It Gets Better Project" by going to itgetsbetter.org. While you're there, you can pledge to do your part to end hate and intolerance in your community. Having grown up with plenty of friends in the LGBT community, I fully support this cause. It does get better. I've seen it get better. Nice job, Red Sox. And way to give me more reasons to love you, Tek!