Clay Buchholz: Terrible Pitcher

You have a ten run lead. You've cruised through six innings in front of your team's home town fans. Your offense is looking spectacular and everyone is feeling the good vibes despite the park being a brisk thirty seven degrees below zero (might be a slight exaggeration). You walk out to the mound for the seventh inning with a low pitch count. Realistically, you know you should be able to get the next three outs with minimal problems and then you can hand the game over to the bullpen.

But you're Clay Buchholz, so what you actually do is implode and try to give up that ten run lead.

It's amazing how Clay lost it so quickly. He was cruising... and then he was giving up five runs without being able to record that last out. Terrible. Clay is legitimately the only pitcher in the Sox starting rotation that has yet to record a quality start on the year. Yes, it's that bad. This isn't a case of bad luck, it's a case of sucking. In 29 innings, he's allowed 40 hits and 28 runs with 15 walks and 16 strikeouts. Ok, maybe it IS a bad start, but he's got options left and I can point him to the Pawtucket shuttle if need be.

Call me unfair. Go ahead, do it. I've never really liked Clay. He frustrates me, because he'll show a tiny glimmer of being good, and then he'll have a five-run inning where he just cannot get the last out. I never thought I'd say this for the season, but thank God for the bullpen. They made it scary, but they got the job done.

If it weren't for Papi and the rest of the offense, this could have been an ugly night. Two home runs for the Large Father. His offensive contributions for the night were a home run, a walk, another home run, and then a ground out in his last at-bat. I'll go ahead and also give credit to Calviles, Munchkin, Ronald, and Marlon Byrd, all who had multiple hit games last night. Actually, it's a little odd because the players who didn't have a multiple hit night didn't hit at all. Weird, I know.

An additional "boo, you suck" to Nick Punto for missing that popup. I guess anyone could have caught it, but no one did, and Punto got the error. It didn't end up causing any additional harm, but really Nick? Terrible. You're terrible.

Anyway, didn't get the pictures up this weekend. I won't be getting them up tonight either as I will be back at the ballpark for the second game in two nights. Maybe tomorrow... more likely, never. But it's the thought that counts, and I've thought about posting them a bunch of times.

Things: Lots of Things

To say everything has been a whirlwind in the last week is, for me, an understatement.

Since last Thursday, I got to attend the awesome birthday bash at Fenway. There is absolutely no way Millar and Pedro were sober while doing that toast. My favorite line from the toast? "This is getting awkward now, stop looking at me!" - Millar

Sunday, I went apartment hunting, and found an apartment that I loved. Wednesday I got the application approval for said apartment, and last night, I begun packing for my move next Saturday. It's been a lot. I'm a little upside down right now.

But that has nothing to do with sports! And I realized that my poor little blog has been very, very neglected. Let's face it, the past weekend didn't really give me a whole hell of a lot to talk about anyway, unless I wanted to include the phrase 'collapse' (which I didn't), so it was fine not to blog. But this week? Man, they've been pretty spiffy this week, haven't they? They've turned their spiff-dial to 11. Did you know the Sox have a spiff-dial? Well, they do. And it's at 11.

Last night for example... the Sox face the reigning King of the World, Phil Humber. They slapped him around, but good. Who slapped the hardest, you may ask? Salty. That's right, Sodium actually hit two home runs in last night's game! And Asshat? He hit a grand slam! I know, I wouldn't believe me either if I hadn't seen it. He also made some nice plays at third yesterday. Despite Ross being out with a knee injury and Munchkin looking like he was trying to take out his own knee, the Sox came away from this one with a 10-3 win. Doubront was lovely. Tazawa got a save. Trust me, it was fantastic.

Last night not good for you? Wednesday's game wasn't as spiffy (the dial was only set to 5), but it was a win. Dahmer struggled, letting up five runs on ten hits in five innings.... granted, two of those runs were inherited runners that Atch let score, but let's not get bogged down by the details. It should have been a calm game, but it turned into a nail biter. Just one more reminder that the bullpen struggles! Despite the struggles, they did win 7-6 to complete the sweep of the Twins.

I know, you're thinking that wasn't awesome. How about the awesome 11-2 win behind Beckett on Tuesday? The Sox had 18 hits, four of which were from Calviles. Two home runs - Calves and Papi. Doubles from everyone and their grandmother. Twins starter Nick Blackburn only lasted three innings. Granted, Beckett only went six, but he earned that win.

Monday's 6-5 win? On a night where Jon Lester looked like pure crap, the bullpen actually stepped up and secured a win! Morales, Bard, and Sauce combined for two innings of work and... AND they didn't allow a run. It's progress, people! Cody Ross had two home runs! TWO!

So, I think I'll try to get my 100th anniversary pictures up at some point this weekend, because I don't know how much time I'll have next week to post. Although I am disappointed for the Bruins (I still think they did great, they just need work on their power play.... badly), I am happy that my team has had four good games in a row. We needed it. Now we're only 2 games away from .500! Good luck tonight, Daniel Bard.

On a side note, did the White Sox really have Bobby Jenks and John Danks on the same team? Is this hilarious to anyone else? Do you think they'll want Jenks back?

Offense: Downturning

This is my effort to not be overwhelmingly reactionary... but I have to wonder. The Sox have played 12 games, and have won four of them. The ones they won were pretty awesome wins, but the ones they lost were flat out painful. So which is the fluke, the wins or the losses?

We all know this team is incredibly talented, but as we've learned from watching the Yankees in the distance for a while now, combining the most talented players doesn't always make a team. Yet it seems like these guys get along... it LOOKS like they work well as a group, but something's missing. The pitching and the offense, so far, are more often on different pages than they are on the same one. Hell, sometimes I think the pitching is in a completely different book. I'll say more about the pitching staff later.


I'm not going to get bent out of shape about the last two games. As much as it sucks to lose, the Rangers are a good team... but when we've got good teams on the ropes as often as we had the Rangers, we need to be able to deliver. And it's not happening. Truly, Bobby V. looks as stunned as the rest of us feel every time he walks to that mound. Last night, the heart of our order, Munchkin, Ernie, and Ross, went hitless. The bottom of our order, McDonald and Repko and everyone who came in to replace them, also went hitless. So if the middle of your order isn't hitting, and the  bottom of your order isn't hitting, the guys who are hitting are going to be stranded. But what options are there? Pretzels and Crawford are hurt. We're literally looking at a replacement level outfield. What do you do when you have to replace the replacements because they're struggling? You have to go further down the depth chart. It's generally not the most successful practice, and is definitely not a long-term solution. Luckily (hopefully?), it doesn't have to be. Crawford should be back before we know it... but we aren't even sure what we can get from him.

As for the pitching staff... our bullpen is horrible. You can't sugar coat it. The front office messed up with this bullpen. Who do you depend on? Just when it seems like someone is going to step up, they give up a handful of runs. Hell, Melancon was demoted because he was so flat out terrible. How do we remedy this? My guess is that they're not going to replace the whole bullpen, but at least in the recent past, we've always had that one guy who we can count on. Who can we count on right now?

I'm not panicking and I'm not quitting on my team, but it's frustrating watching these games. On the plus side, Beckett looked good and Asshat got his first home run.... so there's that.

I'll try to lower my expectations for Friday.

Clay Pulls Out A Win: Sox Bats Stay Alive

Watching GameDay in the fifth inning. One on, David Ortiz up to bat, down two runs. I sat watching, quietly asking David for his first home run of the season. If we could just tie this up, it would be a whole new ballgame and we'd have a chance. Dahmer seems to have settled down. After four runs in the first and a run in the third, he's kept the Tampa bats quiet. We just need to tie it. There's no one I want at the plate more than David Ortiz in these situations.

The little blue pitch locator showed up, "In play, run(s) score." There's a couple of tense seconds as GameDay is updating. I figure a double would have gotten Youk home. It's got to be a home run or a double. But there it is. "David Ortiz homers (1) on a fly ball to right center field. Kevin Youkilis scores." Beautiful.

When the team starts responding to my requests, I know they've clicked. I don't know how long this particular click is going to last, but they've clicked. The great thing is that after that home run, it was just two innings before the bats completely woke up to put the smackdown on Tampa Bay. The Sox had scored 22 runs in their first six games, and they had scored 25 in their next two. Admit it, you weren't expecting that at all.

The greatest part was that almost all the runs came off the mighty home run ball. As opposed to Opening Day, where 12 runs were scored without a single home run, this game was the opposite. Our batters, at least during this series (hey, don't want to get too far ahead of myself) have found both the timing and the power they need. Home run hitters for the day included Salty, Munchkin, Papi, Calviles, and Ross. I believe at least two of those home runs went straight out of the park and into the parking lot on Landsdowne. Pretty cool if you ask me. I love to see that kind of power out of players that I don't expect it from.

Make no mistake, the Sox weren't scoring runs off the slouches in Tampa's rotation. David Price and Jeremy Hellickson are good pitchers. Unfortunately for them, and quite fortunately for us, the Sox had some pent up road aggression to take out, and they were the victims of said wrath.

It's a beautiful thing, winning two in a row. Hasn't happened in a good long while.

Pedroia Can Play: Daniel Bard Sort Of Can, Too

Yep, another loss. Painful, right? Absolutely painful. Here we sit, alone in the basement of the AL East, hoping that someone throws us a rope so we can climb out. At least give us a flashlight so we can find the stairs. Bobby V is too busy taking phone calls during press conferences to tell Daniel Bard to throw higher in the zone.

Did Bard pitch well? Well enough. Much better than I thought he would, but he still allowed five runs in innings. Forgive me for my biases, but wouldn't Tek have actually made in-game adjustments? Was Salty making any? It didn't seem like it. To be honest, Salty looks nervous to me 90% of the time, so I have no idea what's going through his head. Maybe someone threatened him with rabid dogs if he failed to be Tek. I make no promises that it wasn't me.

Sox starters, listen here. It's your job to get into the seventh inning. In order to do so, you need to not suck so badly. Christ, at this point, I'll be happy with a quality start. Six innings, three or less runs? Ever heard of it? One run through the rotation and we've had exactly one quality start. Lester with his seven inning, one run effort. Had Doubront pitched on more inning, he would have qualified. That goes to pitch count. You should not, in any circumstance, be throwing more than five pitches to any given batter in any single at bat. I know, it sounds so easy, right? I live with the luxury of not having to follow my own pitching rules, so it's easy for me.

Five starts, one quality start, two painfully embarrassing ones (Looking at you, B-boys.... er, sans Bard), one sort of good one, and one sort of bad one. And we didn't even win the quality start! We need better from you, guys. I'm not hitting the panic button. I'm not announcing the sky is falling. All I'm saying is that you CAN do better, and you HAVE to do better. Munchkin needs some support here. Give the little guy a helping hand, will you?

Today at 12:35, Lester closes out the second series of the year. If he could pitch as well as he did on opening day, I'll be happy. Because it's Tek and Little Tek's birthdays today. You better not lose on their birthdays, Jon.

Also, Happy Birthday to Jason Varitek and Trot Nixon. I miss you guys...

Sorry, Blue Jays: We Needed This

I'm sorry that you couldn't win your home opener, Blue Jays, but this win was really important to us. Another season of starting 0-6 would have been too much to bear. Don't hold it against us. What you CAN hold against us is when we inevitably figure out a way to kidnap John Farrell and bring him back to Fenway. That's our manager and you all know it.

Does it surprise anyone that Munchkin lead this charge? I heard a clip of Valentine saying that Pedey was at the park before noon, pacing back and forth and saying that they're going to get it going (or something along those lines. This isn't a direct quote). As Munchkin goes, so goes the team.

I didn't get to actually watch the game, but I was getting updates sent to me. Doubront seems to have done well. That pitch count was a little out of control, and he didn't really go as deep in the game as we probably would have liked, but he must not have been terrible. Did anyone see the game? How did he look? I figure he'll be fine.

Nice to see Sauce has brought that ERA down to a manageable 27.00. Pretzels still has done nothing to contribute. Asshat has done even less, and from what I understand, he spent a lot of time pouting. Sometimes it IS a strike, Kevin. Swing at it or shut up.

Tonight, though. Tonight, I'll be able to watch Daniel Bard's debut for the season. Do I think he's going to succeed as a starter? Not really, but I'll give him the chance to prove me wrong. These Sox love to prove me wrong, so he may throw a no-hitter. But I may have just jinxed that, so by calling the jinx, I unjinxed it, right? I don't know. I'm running on three hours of sleep and sports superstitions sometimes go way over my head. Let's just enjoy putting our first notch in the win column, huh?

Opening Day: Loss Number One

I know I've seen a few people say this already, but I think that every team should be allowed to win their home opener. It was a tough loss, especially since the last time we saw real baseball, it was a similar type loss. Painful. Tough to listen to. I think I developed baseball PTSD after that base hit.

But, I promised I wouldn't write a negative post, and I won't.

I think Lester was awesome. He was cruising through those early innings, and it was only through the sixth and seventh that he was really laboring. Even laboring, he only gave up one run. Was he as sharp as he could have been? No, but he was great. THAT'S what I like to see, Johnny. Great work.

Munchkin continues to be a sparkplug and inspiration for the team. His ninth inning well-fought-for hit was terrific. Papi and Sweeney did their part, and we tied the game after I already assumed it was lost. But there's no shame in losing to Verlander even if we had lost. While Munchkin's first few at-bats were less than awe inspiring, he redeemed himself.

Alfredo Aceves will be fine at closer, I think. It was a tough situation he was brought into, and I truly believe that had it been Paps on the mound, he would have lost the game, too. Let's not give Alfredo a hard time. We need him to feel good in the closer's spot, so he's got my vote of confidence.

But Pretzels? You suck, Pretzels. Runner up-MVP or not, you took 11 pitches in four at-bats, you impatient piece of sourdough. You're my goat of the game, because I don't like you.

Everyone else? You're fine. I blame Pretzels. But, the game is in the past, and now I look forward to Beckett's regular season debut against the awkwardly named Doug Fister. Tomorrow. On TV. Look at that, I'm still excited. Game one is behind us. On to game two!

We Made It: Happy Opening Day

The grandest of all April days is upon is, folks. Today, in just two short hours and four short minutes, Justin Verlander will be toeing the rubber, staring down Jacoby Ellsbury. Hopefully Pretzels responds with a refreshing 'we've got this, calm down' home run on the first pitch. Hey, I know he's no Dewey, but there's always a chance, right?

Though, the 'Relax' thing has always been more Munchkin than Pretzels. I guess I can wait for the second batter of the season. All I really care about is seeing our boys put together good at-bats and give a damn. And hell, if we're going to try to beat Justin Verlander, this early in the season might be the best time to do it. Early in the season when people are still trying to fully get back in the swing of things is the best time to pummel them. For the sake of denial, let's not apply that same logic to the impending work of Jon Lester.

For those who are not yet aware, the Sox lineup for today's game is this:

Pretzels (CF)
Munchkin (2B)
Ernie (1B)
Papi (DH)
Asshat (3B)
Sweeney (RF)
Ross (LF)
Salty (C)
Caviles (SS)
Lester (P)

Just a few short hours.... I can't sit still, I'm so excited. And I promise, no matter what the result of the game, I won't have an angry post tonight or tomorrow.

Happy Opening Day, friends. We're here. We've made it.
All I can say, and all I want to hear is this (trust me, you've been waiting for it too!) - PLAY BALL!

Get Ready: Twenty-Six Hours Till Opening Day

I'm excited. Of course I am! What actual baseball fan isn't? I'm excited, but I'm not sold. I guess I just have to prepare for letdown, but God help that team if they lose the first twelve games of the season. More like God help my blood pressure...

Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Kelly Shoppach (from here on out, Shoppy) at catcher? Neither one is Varitek, so I am automatically unenthused. I guess 'Not Being Tek' is unfair criticism. Neither one of them had a say in the matter. I like to believe if they did, they would have chosen to be Tek. It will, however, be interesting to see what Salty will bring to the table after working under the tutelage of my favorite player. If I'm being honest (which, when it comes to Tek, I don't necessarily feel like I need to be), if either one of them can throw out base runners consistently and hit .240, I'll survive.

Ernie does not concern me at all. Nor does Munchkin. They'll be wonderful!

Mike Aviles at short? I don't know. Does having large calves make one a better shortstop? Can I call him Calviles? I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

Youk at third? Let's see if he can stay healthy. He's been pretty fragile lately.

Outfield. Besides Pretzels, do we HAVE outfielders? I think once Crawford returns from the wrist injury, he'll be worlds better than he was last year. Till then? Not at all sure what to expect from left and right, but if Pretzels is in center, I guess that'll be fine.

Papi? He's Papi. Come on now.

Pitching staff? Excuse my while I do my ostrich impression and bury my head in the ground. I'm not even sure I WANT to look. Bum thumbs and DUIs do not a great pitching staff make. There's no way it's going to be as bad as it was last year. John Lackey is on the DL, so it absolutely cannot be that bad.

I like baseball, so I'm going to enjoy the season... I just might not be pleasant about my enjoyment, so don't be surprised if you see a lot of overreactions like the one about Beckett's thumb. I'm not really THAT insane. It's just a little venting, is all.

Tomorrow, one o'clock. Opening Day. Palpable excitement!

Spring Training: It Is Upon Us

To be completely honest, I thought about writing that post about Timmy a grand total of once this weekend during the brief moments of free time I found myself in possession of, and I realized I couldn't do it yet. I haven't gone through the pictures... and I really don't want to use other people's pictures. I'll do it later. Tim deserves a full effort from me.

But I did want to celebrate the opening of camp. No matter who shows up early, pitchers and catchers reporting means that camp is open. I've thus far avoided any major media outlet, because I don't care to hear rehashes of last season's ending. I'll be hearing enough of it through the course of this season. So all I really know is that players have reported. Some Live from Spring Training thing taped on my TiVo last night, so I'll watch that as I'm putting together my Timmy post.

I'm excited, guys. It's been a really long off-season, and I can't seem to completely escape from the 'chicken and beer' taunts. It's tricky being one of the few truly devoted baseball fans around the water cooler, because (as I'm sure so many of you have experienced), more casual fans want an explanation of what happened. They want a player to blame, and they want a forecast for the new season... and I can't provide any of that information. As much as a lot of people want to blame Beckett, I need to remind those people that Josh (while shitty in September) posted the lowest ERA of his career (2001 not included since he only played four games) and allowed the fewest number of hits he's allowed since 2004. Besides, I'm a complete and utter homer for Beckett, so I'm not going to blame him. I'm also not going to blame Lester, because I don't have to. All I can do is say that I don't think the team, as a whole, really tried. Maybe I'm wrong, but from my point of view, that's what I saw. Individual players like Pedroia and Scutaro and Ellsbury still gave it their all, but it just seemed like a majority of the team was distracted. So there. It was a team collapse, not just a pitching staff collapse.

That being said, I'm ready to move forward. I harbor no ill will, except against the front office who made Tito walk. I still think it was the wrong decision, but it was theirs to make. Maybe Valentine will be what this team needs. Maybe he'll muck things up even worse. All I care about is that in a few days, pretend baseball starts. And a month or so after that, real baseball starts. And I can't wait to see what the guys have in store for us this season.

Gold Gloves: No Complaints

Erick Aybar, I love you. I know almost nothing about you, and I don't throw the word 'love' around easily (ok, when it comes to baseball, I definitely do, but for the sake of this post, I do not), but I absolutely love you. Why, you may ask? I'll tell you why.

Because you're not Derek F*&^ing Jeter.

You could be a can of creamed corn for all I care. The only thing I care about is that you're not Jeter, and you won a gold glove. I'm sure you deserved it. And if you didn't? Well I don't care. I support you winning it anyway. Because at this point, it's nothing but bitterness toward the SS Gold Glove and I need something to make me like it again. You, Erick Aybar, you will make me like it again. Today, sir, you are my hero.

In a little bit of good press from the Sox stronghold, three of our little darlings also came away with a gold glove. It's extremely fortunate that the gold glove voters didn't seem to watch how anyone played in September! I kid. You know, sort of. So congratulations to Ernie, Pretzels, and Munchkin. I still think Pretzels' defense is overrated, but I'm not going to begrudge him this award. I'm proud of our boys, who are (I'm sure) at this very moment strapped to chairs Clockwork Orange style, being forced to watch every moment of failure through the entire season.... because only making them watch September wouldn't be as effective and wouldn't last as long. I have no doubts that Ben Cherington is doing this for us because he loves us and wants us to be happy.

In other news, still trying to think up a good, clever nickname for Mr. Ben. I don't want to go the easy route and call him Uncle Ben... and I was thinking about Goldfinger, but I guess he'll have to do some other good stuff before he really earns that nickname. I'll go back to thinking....

Yeah, so congratulations, guys! Good work!

Welcome To The Smear Parade: Starting Right On Schedule

Hi, friends. It's me. Jup. I know I've been mostly absent during Red Sox Nation's time of need, but please know that I have never actually left you. I've just been speechless.

Now, this doesn't happen to me very often. I'm quite the opinionated young lady. I can be pretty witty when I want to be. Yet, in the wake of all that happened in September, I've found myself with nothing to say, no desire to analyze, and no clue what will become of my beloved team. It's been a time of introspection and mourning. I've mourned the playoff aspirations of my team as I stare blankly at the unused ALDS home game 1 tickets. I mourn the loss of Tito... simply the greatest Red Sox manager of my lifetime, and likely of all time. I mourn the 2011 Red Sox, as they will surely be a new beast with the dawning of spring training 2012. I mourn a lost season.

Ok, now that I'm done being dramatic, may I say this is all absolutely ridiculous. I will not believe one single slanderous front-office-based word that comes out about Tito, and I know any of my fellow Red Sox friends with brains will also know better. If I'm being completely honest, I could care less that Theo is gone. I can name more horrible moves he's made (Renteria, Lugo, Drew, Dice-K, Lackey, Gagne, Cameron, Jenks... just to name a few)than wonderful moves (trading for Ernie... signing Alex Gonzales twice.... um....) so I'm not sad to see him go. I only wish he could have taken some of his major-flop contracts with him.

If I want to go on to be more honest, I think it's time for Varitek to move on. Jason will forever be my favorite player and I didn't think it possible that I would see the day where I didn't want him on my team any more.... but I think it might be time to part ways with him. I don't feel honest calling him the captain any more. The 'C' should probably be put in storage until we see a leader emerge, or we can just give it to Munchkin.

I don't like hearing Papi talk of bolting to the Yankees. You may be mad at the front office, but please don't try to punish the fans for what they've done to you. By saying that, all you're doing is hurting us.... the ones that have stood by you during your entire tenure here. I respectfully ask you to stop this nonsense, Papi.

I have not come to a decision on what needs to be done about Wakefield. My heart says keep him, but my brain asks if his head is actually in the game or on his stats. I had never heard Timmy talk of individual accomplishments before, and it worries me. Though, I agree... we do deserve to watch him chase that record. But is that in the best interest of the other 24 guys?

I may not like knowing that Beckett, Lester, and Lackey were drinking, eating chicken, and playing video games in the clubhouse during gamedays, but finding out about this only now makes the Boston media look like a bunch of assholes. They have no problems reporting on other crap, like pending divorces or child support papers being served, crap that has no business in the sports section, but they don't tell us what's going on in the clubhouse. Disingenuous.

I'm anxious and nervous to see what other changes will be made. I am willing to garner no guesses over the fate of Papelbon. I don't like that our pitchers haven't made any public statements about the accusations. I don't like the front office for the way any of this is being handled.... but I love my team, and I will stick by them. And I'm here for you guys if you need a shoulder to cry on. Because I feel your pain.

Summary: Anger

My parents always taught me if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all. Assuming that same principle applies to blogging, you have your explanation for where I've been.

I'm stressed, panicked, annoyed, and every other adjective with negative connotations you could imagine right now. But I'm trying to be nice about it. Aside from my random outbursts of swearing and idle threats of self-harm (let's face it, I'm way too selfish to ever hurt myself over a baseball team), I have been fairly composed about this embarassment of a month.

But last night.... oh man, last night was my breaking point. I can't be nice. Joshua? Of all people, Joshua has to put on that PITIFUL excuse for a pitching performance? Do the Red Sox not know that we're facing the Orioles? Because the Orioles suck and the Red Sox should know that! What the bloody hell is going on here?! It's September of 2011, boys. Not April 2011. Not September 2006, Josh! There is supposed to be hellfire and brimstone and badassery, but there is none! Instead we have crybabies, and implosions, and pathetic excuses. In the words of the late Owen Hart, enough is enough and it's time for a change! Baseball isn't working for our baseball team, so how about some pro wrestling? I want to see Stone Cold Stunners from Scutaro to anyone who dares run by him. I want piledrivers at home plate to be delivered by Varitek BEFORE the opponents swing the bat. Someone hand Ernie a steel chair and let him swing away at anyone heading up the line. Clotheslines from Munchkin at second base to anyone trying to steal. Intentional HBP's from Beckett, who, damnit! He should be allowed to do a pre-game promo that would be shown up on the Jumbotron. It's a jumbotron now. I demand it. And if the bullpen guys aren't legdropping the opposite team's outfielders at the start of every inning, they aren't doing their job! On top of all that, I want Munchkin to bring a microphone with him for every at bat. The homeplate ump should be Mean Gene Okerlund or Jerry the King Lawler, and they should ask him before EVERY AT BAT what we should expect him to do. And if he doesn't answer something along the lines of "I'll be stylin' and profilin' all around the bases tonight, Mean Gene. Wooo!" then he should be fined.

If they aren't going to play the game the right way, they should at least make it fun for me. Tag-team at-bats! When Ortiz gets tired of fouling off pitches, he can tag in Millar to do it for him! It's not like Kevin doesn't hang out at games anyway, and it would be a great plotline. Besides, we KNOW Kevin can foul off pitches like nobody's business. Then, when Papi is ready, he can tag back in. If we aren't going to get winning, then I want entertainment. Get on it, Tito. Immediately!

Oh, and Go Sox.

200: Finally!

Let me start by saying that everything was perfect at Fenway on Tuesday... at least in my opinion. The weather was great, the bleacher folk were wonderful, and it just FELT like it was going to be a good night. I'm glad it worked out as well as it did because I was a stressed out ball of nerves for the first five innings. Just like roughly 30,000 other people in attendance, I wanted this for Tim so badly. He's been through so much with the Sox and he's never really complained. I just wanted him to win. Those other 7,000 in attendance? Well, they were just there to drink beer and couldn't care if Tim won. But at least 30,000 of us cared.

No, it wasn't pretty. After taking a 2-0 lead, Tim pissed it away by allowing a 3-run (zero out) home run. The, after taking a 4-3 lead, Tim immediately allowed a 2-run home run that left me swearing like a sailor. Luckily, just two innings later, we took the lead for good.

I don't have the will to recount all of the 18 (18!!!!!) runs that they scored that inevitably got Timmy the win. Just know that Pretzels homered, and Munchkin homered twice in incredibly impressive fashion. After the first home run, Ryan commented 'holy shit, that Rudy kid hit a laser!' (he calls him Rudy because he's short and white, in case you didn't know). So I answered, "That's why they call him Laser Show.... the also call him Muddy Chicken, but I still haven't figured that one out."

Before long, the game started looking like Red Sox day care, with all the kids replacing the actual players. We had Anderson, Iglesias, and Lavarnway in the field and Tazawa on the mound. But it didn't matter anyway, because at the end of the game, the Sox had a 12-run lead. Twelve runs. They haven't scored twelve runs for Tim this season, never mind in a game... but I'm glad they found offense for our elder statesman.

It was amazing in the 9th, with Tazawa on the mound, hearing everyone chant "Wake-field! Wake-field! Wake-field!" It brought tears to my eyes (yes, I'm a sentimental loser and I don't care) when Wake came up those dugout stairs after the game, looking like he had been crying with his reddened nose and slightly puffy eyes. He can pretend he was showering if he wants to, but we all know he was shedding a few tears in that clubhouse. Even Ryan clapped at the video montage of Timmy's 17-year Red Sox career.... and he doesn't even like baseball. I lingered as long as I could, taking in the moment and watching the interviews and the videos and Timmy getting showered with champagne. What a night. I'm glad he could reach that milestone at home where he belongs. Boston loves you, Tim Wakefield. Congratulations!

Pedroia Is The Show: Everyone Else Is A Background Character

You know I would never take away from the importance of Beckett, but if it weren't for MC Laser Show, we would have been lost. No... wait, we would have lost, not would have been lost. He drove in three of the four runs we gathered on the night, with Tek driving in the other one. Strangely, both of them made outs at second base after RBI singles, so that was dumb. I don't like having so many baserunners thrown out trying to stretch singles into doubles. Especially Tek. Tek, darling, you can't run. It's not worth trying!

Beckett actually did get on my nerves yesterday. His first inning was a tad sketchy. His second inning was beautiful and ended with an easy-to-manage pitch count. But the third? Meh. All he had to do was hold the lead they gave him, and that's the one thing he failed to do. Overall, he could have been far worse. Three runs in seven innings with four strikeouts and no walks against one of the worse teams in baseball is nothing to sing songs about, but it'll do. 110 pitches in seven innings also isn't the best we've gotten out of him. Again, I'll limit my nugacious complaints because we won the game. Had we lost, heads would be on chopping blocks.

So, news is that Youkilis is now on the DL with a severe case of suck (which they kindly referred to as 'back trouble,' but we all know) and David Ortiz is down with a case of 'needing a vacation' which they covered up by calling it bursitis and putting him in a boot, so the Sox decided that we needed an offensive boost. Granted, they're about three weeks late to that party, but they called up Ryan Lavarnway to pump up our boys. He may not have gotten a hit last night, but I think he put the fear of God into Tek. Our old man catcher was hustling, for sure. Guess he wants to keep his job. Not gonna lie, I want him to keep it, too. It's got to be hard seeing the ghost of Christmas future hanging out in the dugout.

The Sox ended up with nine hits for the night, matching their hit total from the past three games. Thanks for waking up a little, bats. You're going to need to be fully caffeinated with Andrew Miller on the mound tonight, and I demand that by the time Wakey takes the mound on Saturday that you've gotten your shit together. Really, I don't ask for too much, do I?

Invisible Offense: Sox Do Nothing

Aside from solo home runs from my darling Jason and the suspicious Pretzels, we had nothing. In eighteen innings yesterday, the boys managed six hits, and three of them were home runs. The other three were singles. There's a problem here. I know Papi is sick (and I hope he gets well soon!) and I know Youkilis is all sore and grumpy for whatever reason, but six hits in eighteen innings? Come on, boys, you're far too talented for that.

I wanted a happy post here, because Lowrider, Munchkin, and Ernie worked together in the fourth inning to record a triple play. A triple play! Do you know how rare triple plays are? I should have been able to write about how awesome it was, and what a great job everyone did to make sure we won on a night where the defense managed a motherfreakin' triple play but I CAN'T! Because aside from the triple play and the two home runs every other moment of this game was useless to me! Bedard recorded a quality start but couldn't get any run support and lost the game. Jeff Niemman collected ten strikeouts from our lineup! TEN! That's more than our collective total of baserunners for the entire day.

I'm trying not to get annoyed, but I'm sure you can clearly see that I am failing that goal. Everyone on the team needs coffee. Lots and lots of coffee since they are obviously falling asleep at the plate. I can provide them with said coffee as I have a source at a coffee distribution center. This can happen. Where do I deliver the magical caffinated beans? Because I don't want to watch the boys sleep any more. We've only got a month and a half left to the season, and I loudly request that we don't end the season the way we started it. The way to avoid that? Coffee. Obviously.

I'll get on it. For now, start praying that Mudpie manages a good game, because we're .5 games out of the division lead, and I'm not comfortable here in second place.

Another ND For Josh: But Beating Up On Mo Makes It Ok

He was in control. He had his soul-shattering curveball. He had his electric fastball. He only allowed a single, paltry run in six innings, and yet again, Joshua walks away with nothing to show for it. Again, for the ninth time this season, Josh pitched his ass off and gets to watch someone else rack up a victory. This time, that other person was Daniel Bard.

Not to say that Daniel didn't deserve it. I fully appreciate the work Daniel did, but I'd love to see Josh get some stat-padding wins. But it's fine; I'm not going to dwell. Matt Albers and Franklin Morales both struggled in this one, and the Yankees picked up a lead almost the moment that Beckett came out of the game. Wheeler, Papelbon, and Bard, though... those three held the fort and I have zero complaints. Not allowing the Yankees to pad their lead gave the batters an opportunity to perform some magic.

In the 9th, Scutaro, Pretzels, and Munchkin worked together to steal away the game tying run from Mariano Rivera (the only Yankee I have even the tiniest shred of respect for) in the form of a sac fly. This was the only point in the game where the top of the order came through for us in this one. They're just lucky they saved their best for last when we needed it most.

Joe Girardi, who obviously confused last night for game seven of the ALCS, brought starter Phil Hughes into the game to replace Rivera in the 10th. Granted, Rivera blew the save, but he hadn't thrown a bunch of pitches, and in a tied game, don't you want your best pitcher on the mound? Obviously Joe does not. With one out, David Ortiz doubled and was instantly yanked from second in favor of Ronald. I will never complain about getting a little bit of speed in scoring position in the tenth inning. An intentional walk to Crawfish later, Reddick steps up to bat. One pitch later, he was cruising to first, McDonald was being called safe, and the Sox picked up their tenth win of the season against the Yankees.

We're staying positive in this one. I'm not going to complain about the lack of production from the top of the order or Tek's tough day at the plate. I'm remaining impressed by Beckett's badassery, thrilled with a Reddickulous walk-off, and overjoyed to hand the Yankees another series loss. All positives all the time.

Tonight, in about ten minutes, Tim Wakefield steps to the mound for his third attempt at win number 200. If I see any squandering on the part of our offense, I might fly to Minnesota in a Dustin Pedroia costume and take care of Minnesota myself. Timmy deserves this win. It's time to get it for him. Let's go, boys.

All Tied Up: Offense Eliminates Yankee Division Lead

That's better. Sure, we may have been out of first place for a few hours, but the universe righted itself in a timely manner. I'll take a tie for first over a one game deficit any time, thank you. As much as it pains me to do this, I have to give Pretzels the majority of the credit for this win. Our snacky little centerfielder essentially destroyed Fatass all on his own, going 2-for-4 with six RBIs. Saturday marks the fourth time Fatass has lost to the Sox this season. Have we officially gotten into his head yet, or is it going to take another start?

Do I have to give Mudpie credit here? I really don't want to. In all honesty, saying anything nice about him makes me feel a little dirty. You know no matter well he may have pitched this time around, he's not deserving of the praise. So if I have to give Pretzels credit in this one, I'm going to withhold the Mudpie credit. I can't say nice things about both of them in the same entry. The universe would swallow itself. True story.

It took Fatass two innings to remember he was pitching to the Red Sox, but sure enough, he started handing over runs in the third. It started innocently enough. A sac fly from Pretzels. An RBI 2B from Munchkin. Suddenly, the Sox had a 2-0 lead. A sloppy inning, a double play, and a single in the fourth tied the game at 2 each, but the Sox weren't done with Fatass yet. The bottom of the fourth found a double from Youkilis, a single from new Red Sox that I haven't mentioned yet (welcome to Boston, Mike Aviles!), an RBI single from Crawfish, an RBI single from Scutaro, and to top it off, a 3-run home run from Pretzels. In case you lost count, that was five runs. Suddenly, it was 7-2 Sox, and the Yankees would never come close to matching the Sox offensive output... I mean, if you don't consider four to be close to seven.

Daniel Bard gave up an uncharacteristic home run in the 8th, making it 7-4 at the time, but the Sox poured on three more runs (big surprise, Pretzels was credited with two of those three) in the bottom half of said inning.

How exactly did we lose the sure-thing game on Friday and win the no-chance game on Saturday? Baseball is funny. Next up, Josh Beckett takes on Freddy "The Rock" Garcia. If you don't think he looks like The Rock, you're wrong. Gee, I can't imagine how this one will end. I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised.

It's Wednesday: I'm Still Writing About The Weekend

Does it count as slacking if I'm trying really hard to make up for lost time? Because I feel like I should get a little bit of credit here. Better late than never, right?

Thankfully, I'm wrapping up the weekend (finally!) and then we can move on to the two games that already happened this week. Don't look at me with that shame and disappointment in your eyes, I feel bad enough as it is. Today, we discuss Andrew Miller.

Andrew seems like a fine young fellow, to be sure. Potential. Velocity. But mostly potential. Location, on the other hand, is a constant problem. With an ERA now sitting at 5.36 and a WHIP of 1.884, Andrew doesn't instill a whole lot of confidence in me. Though his BAbip is a slightly high .341 (MLB average = .299) and we can probably expect the hits to come down a bit in the future, 51 hits in 40 innings is still scary. To top it off, his BB/K ratio is exactly 1.00. For every strikeout, he walks a guy. I watch his location. Too many times, where Tek is set up and where Andrew throws the ball is too far off for comfort. So what's with this guy? Is it bad luck or is it just a case of potential that cannot be realized? Detroit and Florida quit on him, so obviously he's the type of player that Theo wants to tap into because Theo knows that even in a tight pennant race (like, um, the one we're in), the talent level on the team will be able to compensate for acquisition mistakes. In other words, we have the luxury of being able to give him a chance to achieve said potential. This is a luxury that most teams do not have.

Take Sunday. Miller pitched 5.2 innings and came out of the game trailing by a run. He had an ok game. The hits (10) were a little outrageous for five plus innings, but he only allowed one walk and managed eight strikeouts. He was one third of an inning away from his first dictionary-definition quality start since July 2nd, but a high pitch count prohibited him from continuing on after Juan Pierre's sixth inning single. Luckily, behind him in the bullpen were Aceves, Bard, and Papelbon, who finished out the game by allowing only one additional hit between them. They gave the Sox a chance to come back and win the game. Our bullpen has been incredible this season. As has our offense.

A seventh-inning rally got Miller off the hook and made sure Aceves got the win for another fine job out of the pen. An additional run in the ninth made the lead a little more comfortable. Oh, did I mention that Tek hit a home run? Because I'm pretty sure that was my favorite part of the game. Again. Tek, love, well-documented, blah blah blah. I repeat myself a lot. I'm aware of this issue.

I'm glad the boys walked away with a win, but I'm still uncomfortable with the thought of Miller on the mound. He makes me nervous, and I don't enjoy being nervous. Unfortunately, the man who pitched Monday? He just makes me angry. I think the tone of my next post is going to be angry, and I apologize for that in advance. Sorry, guys.

No Chicago Salvation: A Bad Friday Night For Timmy and Munchkin

That was stupid. Everything about Friday night's game was stupid, and I'm glad I didn't see the majority of it. As awful as it was of me, knowing that Tim was going for career win #200, I was on a date. I love Tim, and I support him fully (to the point that yes, I did wear my Tim Wakefield shirt on the date), but sometimes I have to miss a game. Lately, I've been missing quite a few of them. I need to get my gentleman caller hooked on baseball. Weird how I manage to find the one guy in Massachusetts that doesn't seem to care for sports.

I digress. I don't blame any of this loss on Tim. Perhaps I should, considering he did give up the three runs that were his ultimate demise in this game, but I don't want to blame him. I want to hug him and tell him it'll be alright and then smack everyone who was in the lineup for not supporting him. Why don't you guys love Tim? He's always supported you all! Do him a favor and let him get the win next time around, ok? Because him losing again because of inept bats is not something I'm comfortable with. Got it?! Jeez.

To further the suck for the evening, little MC Laser Show's hitting streak came to an end. They couldn't even give me that to hold on to, could they? Yes, I know Salty hit a home run, and I'm ultra-proud of him because I love when (most) catchers do well. I've always had a soft spot for catchers. I still wanted better for my Timmy. After all these years, they still can't manage regular run support for our veteran.

Luckily, Tim will get another chance. I'm so late posting last Friday's results that Tim actually gets his chance tomorrow. So you know what that means? That means today is Tim Wakefield's 45th birthday. Go celebrate today with a win, and make sure that he gets his 200th win as a belated birthday present tomorrow, boys. Happy birthday, Tim Wakefield!