*****
Top first! Hi Joshua. You're looking spiffy today. This is all assumption, since I'm GameDaying you, love. I just know that you're looking spiffy. That's how good I am. Another way I know you look spiffy? Fourteen pitch first inning. THAT is lovely. I love you, Josh.
Bottom first! Erm... Pretzels and MC, not quite the start I was hoping for. Thanks to Ernie for not going quietly into the second inning. Singles are better than nothing, people! I mean, it got us nowhere, but still better than nothing. Back to Josh!
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Top second! Boo, base hit. Josh! What happened?! Double play... all is well!
Bottom second! Oops, missed it. Bad, liveblogger!
*****
Top third! Look at that, three innings in the books and Joshua's only thrown 33 pitches. I like when that happens. Keep that pitch count low, darling!
Bottom third! Oh, Jason, with your singles and your thighs. You are pretty awesome. Things I also like: doubles from the rookies. Atta boy, Yamaico! Gameday isn't telling me what happened, but it's saying Pretzels is on first and there are no runners on second and third. Should I assume we have a 2-run lead? Yes, yes, I can assume that. Another single for Ernie, getting Pretzels to third with less than two outs. Youk, you better bring him home.
Youk, you fail. Papi? No? Ok, fine. At least we have a lead.
*****
Top fourth! Can I say it's an absolute travesty that John Lackey has as many wins as Joshua? Where is the justice in that? Apparently Josh didn't like the wait. Sweetheart, we do not walk the first batter we see after getting a lead. This is something you should know, but in case you forgot, there's your reminder. For next time. Double play, please. Or a strikeout. Damnit, Josh, stop wasting pitches! No, seriously, Josh, enough of the shit. You just walked two guys in a row. Is it because I made a Lackey comparison? You're an adult. Suck it up.
Wow. Ouch. Josh, if you were trying to hurt me, you win. That hurt. That's it, no more exclamation marks for you. I am boycotting the rest of this half inning, you jerk.
Bottom fourth! I'm pretty furious right now. What the hell just happened? Is this a nightmare? Because it feels like a nightmare! The offense hopefully still deserves the enthusiasm.
Oh, Reddick.... no, darling. That's not what I needed right now. Sutton? Can you help me out here? Ok, guess not. Tek, dearest... I love you, but I'm going to be mighty miffed if you don't get on base here. The thought is that you don't go down 1-2-3 after your starter has a really craptacular inning. Give him a chance to breathe, boys.
....and a little part of me dies. Ugh.
*****
Top fifth. Josh, just so you know, I've got Timlin on speed dial, and he's got a crossbow. Don't think that one good inning after a figurative punch to my jaw is going to make things cool between us again. It's a start, but you've hurt me and you have to work to fix this.
Bottom fifth! Munchkin, I like that you're on base, but it's the fifth inning. Can we get on with the hitting, please? Ugh. Fail. Angry, angry failing. Whatever, guys. I'm abandoning you in a few minutes anyway.
*****
Top sixth. Josh is still in this thing? Really? That's not fair. All the good times we've had can't be tainted by one bad inning that I blame Lackey for anyway, right? Right. I still love you, Josh, but... you know... the suckage should stop.
I read somewhere that Josh get the least amount of run support out of all of the starters. Josh also gives up a lot fewer runs that most of the starters, so he doesn't need as much help. Maybe he's tired of being underappreciated by his offense and this is his way of rebelling? He had the patented "Beckett Bad Fourth" just to show the guys that he needs run support, too. Believe me, I understand the need for run support, but putting yourself in a hole is no way to go about getting it. NEITHER IS WALKING PEOPLE! STOP THIS NONSENSE, JOSHUA PATRICK BECKETT! Look at this. You made me yell. Do you know how much it takes to make me yell? Actually, not that much, but stop it! Thank you.
Bottom sixth. Sorry, offense, you lost the exclamation points, too. I have nothing to be excited about regarding the way you've played today. Youk, I've got a really big problem with swinging at the first pitch when you so obviously can't handle it. Papi... please don't make me yell at you. Grounding out makes me want to yell at you. Reddick? Please? Something, guys. I've got to leave in five minutes. Do. Something. You... you think staring at three straight pitches counts as 'something?' Because it does not. Reddick, you've failed me. You've all failed me, and now I'm going to be sad at the concert. Way to go, Sox. Don't think I'm not going to follow up on this game later. You're spared the rest of my anger for now. JUST for now.
1 comment:
I am so full of hate right now. Like... more so... because I have work hate... and this hate... and it's welling... oh... it's welling. I want to throw a stapler. I really, really...
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