Near No-Hitter: What?

That... was not fun.

And I'm not feeling the happy, warm joyful feeling that I've been able to maintain through this disgusting month of games. We're under .500 for the month now. And, uh, I don't appreciate that. Not even a little bit.

Someone, anyone, I don't care who... light a fire under these guys. Do it literally if need be. I don't buy into the bullshit that the Manny drama makes everyone on our team forget how to hit and pitch. They're just playing like a team that doesn't realize we don't have a ten game lead (or a lead) in our division. Either that, or they're playing like a team that doesn't realize that the division lead is within striking distance. We can still take it! Victory is OURS for the TAKING!

Strap them to chairs Clockwork Orange style and make them watch film of their performances this month. Force them to witness the horror that they're inflicting on us. Make them feel the pain of their complacency on the field. Repeatedly flash images of the standings. It isn't too late to change, boys! Show them footage of the 2007 World Series. This is ultimately the same team that won it last October! Remind their bats what it feels like to scorch leather. Remind their ears what a strikeout of the opposing team sounds like. Pour champagne on their heads and remind them how much fun those celebrations are. Give them the words to "Dirty Water" and let them remember how things used to be. Bring them to first base and show them that it's really not THAT far to second. Take them to the goddamned wizard of Oz and let him show them that yes, they have had hearts all along! Get them out on the hallowed grounds of Fenway with a mission and hope!

And someone remind them how to win, for goodness sake!

2 months left to the season. Stop limping, start running (and no, I'm not just talking to Manny). We can get to the finish line. I swear, we can!