Screaming at the Shortstop

Beckett: Securely In Camp

2012-02-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Spring training is a wonderful time for me, as I'm sure it is for most fans. When the season ends, there's a lot of confusion. For some seasons, the end brings a lot of anger and anonymous sources and rumors and general unpleasantness. I get pretty reactionary, though I try not to. Usually by spring training, I have my feelings on each player sorted pretty thoroughly.

While yes, I agreed that Josh didn't help the team in September and his attitude probably wasn't a positive thing in the clubhouse. For about a week, I was convinced it might be time to part with Beckett. For the rest of the winter, I tried not think about what pieces should be moved to bring the best out of the team. Now, spring training is on the verge of commencement and I can say, I am as happy as I've ever been that Beckett is in camp.

According to a bunch of people whose opinions probably don't matter all that much to me, Beckett looked good throwing 50 pitches out of the pen. That's the kind of news about Beckett that I want to hear.

Of course, Lester was in camp earlier than Josh, so the reporters, if they so choose, could have a field day writing about how Jon is more motivated for the season than his right handed counterpart.

To be clear, I don't believe that for a moment. I'm just sort of waiting for one of the sports writers to get on it. Any minute now.

Four more days till the rest of the pitchers and catchers join the few ultra-motivated individuals who are already there. Guys, I can't wait. The hunger for baseball... it's rising again and I won't be able to quell it. Opening day can't get here soon enough.

Ortiz: Officially Contractually Obligated

2012-02-13T10:44:00.000-05:00

The problem with updating my blog before I read any other baseball sites is that I tend to be late to the party on certain topics. For example, my last post said that I couldn't wait to see how Papi's arbitration hearing would go. Well, I then proceeded to surf the internet and found that there will not be a hearing.

The big man has agreed to a one-year, $14.575M contract. It's not two years like I hoped for, and it's not $16M like Papi hoped for, but it's enough to get Papi back in that familiar jersey for the upcoming season.

The Red Sox don't like arbitration. Theo had never gone through arbitration (to my knowledge) with any players during his tenure here. Looks like Keebs is determined to follow a similar pattern. I'm ok with that. At least David is still on the team. I don't know what I would do without him.

Truck Day: My Second Favorite Day In February

2012-02-13T09:54:00.000-05:00

I know I missed posting on Truck Day. I was pretty busy, and only home long enough to score a couple of opening day tickets (I could not even begin to express in text how excited I am about this). But just because I didn't post doesn't mean that I forgot about the event.

I love truck day. It means baseball is coming. It would be my favorite day in February if my birthday wasn't in February. Valentine's day comes in probably fourth, after my birthday, truck day, and reporting day. No matter how terribly the season ended, and it was pretty freakin terrible, truck day means we are going to have the chance to start over. No records, no tough losses, no terrible performances, no rain delays... just 162 days of pure sun-shiney bliss. Every game is a day game in my head. And when the truck leaves for Florida, it reminds me that long afternoons of home runs and Fenway Franks are right around the corner. It makes me happy.

This year, there are going to be a lot of changes to get accustomed to. New GM, new manager, lots of familiar faces that will be missing from the crowd. Most notably, Jason Varitek and Tim Wakefield. I have to admit, despite my excitement for the new season, my heart breaks that neither has been brought back yet. In my mind, there IS no team without Jason and Tim. They have literally been parts of the Red Sox since I started watching baseball. The fact that they are simply not there doesn't sit right with me. I'm still going to hold out hope. If I'm honest with myself, I know I will be holding out hope all season. It will be, 'ok, well maybe they're still negotiating. Jason and Tim will join the club for spring training,' and then 'still negotiating. There's time to get them on the opening day roster,' and the after that will be 'the trading deadline is a perfect time to bring in some veterans who need jobs. Jason and Tim would be perfect for that!' I won't be able to let go until I know there's no hope left. So many changes... at least we'll still have Papi... I hope. His arbitration meeting is scheduled for today. I'm interested to see how it turns out.

Pitchers and catchers reporting day is on my birthday this year. I'll be out celebrating, and I will have a drink in honor of number 33 and number 49, whether or not they're back.

The Tiger Prince: Fielder Bolts To Detroit

2012-01-25T08:08:00.000-05:00

Eventually, we knew Prince Fielder would sign somewhere for exorbitant amounts of money and years that his new team would likely regret in the future. Well folks, we've found our sucker! Prince will be suiting up for his daddy's old team in the motor city. The Tigers were able to sign the former NL hitter to a measly 9-year, $214M contract.

It's laughable, these contracts that players are getting lately. While the average American is either losing their job or getting pay cuts, baseball players are signing contracts worth $214M. It does offend me slightly. It doesn't offend me enough to not watch, because as a poor American clinging to her job, I need an escape. Baseball is my escape. I don't calculate paychecks (for the most part) during at-bats. I don't want to think about it. I just want to enjoy it.

Regardless, it seems that the fashionable thing to do this season was to be an NL hitter that jumped ship to the AL. Pujols and Fielder are now suiting up for the Angels and the Tigers respectively. Not saying that the NL doesn't have any major talents left, but the AL has definitely gotten scarier. Time will tell how well these truly talented players adapt to life in my favorite league.

The Tigers sign Fielder, and we sign Cody Ross. Something seems slightly off to me...

Cody Ross or Tim Thomas: Who Has More People Talking?

2012-01-24T08:57:00.000-05:00

Clearly, Tim Thomas does. He opted not to meet the president. People are very upset at his decision. I'm not.

I didn't care when Manny did it, and I don't care that Timmy did it. These are sports figures, folks. They're not foreign dignitaries. They're not royalty, or memebers of Congress, or key political figures of any kind. They do not have to attend the White House ceremony if they feel they do not want to be there. I know sports figures are generally held high on a pedestal and expected to act exactly how we want them to, but they are not contractually obligated to appease our expectations in all facets of their lives. If Timmy has strong political objections to the way this country is being run, he has the freedom to express those objections by opting out of the White House visit. Despite how we personally feel about these players, they owe us nothing except to put all of their effort into every game they play... and they don't really even owe us that. They really owe that to the people who pay their paychecks. That's just how it is. If the Bruins have a problem with him not attending, they will fine or punish him, but I still stand by his decision. That's all.

Now, Cody Ross. So we cleared up $6M from Marco Scutaro to turn around and hand half of it to Cody Ross? Don't we have enough utility players already? I thought that money was going towards making a bid for Oswalt? Apparently, we are just in the process of collecting the throwaways of all the other teams. Weird, I feel like we've tried this before and it didn't quite pan out. Cody Ross seems like a very nice guy, from what I've read thus far, but I'll tell you what he is not. He is not a shortstop. He is not Roy Oswalt. Maybe he is an every day right fielder, but we had Josh Reddick and we let him go. Do you know what he is? He's a more expensive Josh Reddick. I love making claims like this with absolutely no data to back it up.

This is how the season is going... trade Lowrie, sign more expensive version of Lowrie.... trade Reddick, sign more expensive version of Reddick. Pile up a bunch of midrange arms and hope that lightning strikes.... or hope that lightning doesn't actually strike because a bunch of lightning stricken pitchers isn't going to do us any good. I'm only being negative because I'm feeling negative, folks. I guess this is my problem... I don't really know WHAT I want the team to do, so I'm going to be unhappy no matter what moves they make. You know, at least until the season starts and it's all sunshine and baseball once again. And hey, there's pretty much zero chance of Keebs bringing back Lugo, so I've always got that. Happy Tuesday everyone.

We Did What?!: Sox Trade Scutaro? WHAT?!

2012-01-23T08:11:00.000-05:00

I've been MIA, I know. There's not a whole ton going on with the Sox right now. I've got a lot on my plate. Full time job, wonderful boyfriend who deserves a lot more of my time than I can give to him, demanding family, new puppy, and Patriots in the playoffs (Superbowl! We totally didn't deserve to win that game, but we won! Wooo!), so I figured I would sit back and wait till Spring Training started up. But I'm not happy.

I'm not sure I've been happy with any of Keebler's moves. I know Scut was making $6M, but he was steady, and he was one of the three people who actually bothered to hit in September. Why can't we just stick with a shortstop?! This ridiculousness is exactly the type of thing that prompted this blog. Enough with changing shortstops. You want to PLATOON Mike Aviles and Nick Punto? Just stab me in the eye now. This is dumb. This is dumb, and I don't like it, and I am finding less and less to like about this team. I can't even say the team. It's the management. I cannot figure out what the strategy is.

Forgive me if I'm coming off as whiney. I'm not really feeling well, and I liked Scutaro. I'm really not sure I'm comfortable with what Keebs is doing. I guess we'll have to wait and see if it pans out. I'll miss you, Marco. I wish you nothing but good things, and maybe if the next time we play the Rockies, you hit a ball and it manages to hit Keebs in the stomach somehow, I would not disapprove. Good luck!

Trecherous: Okajima Signs With Yankees

2011-12-29T08:01:00.000-05:00

Man, I thought I was upset about this whole Josh Reddick thing, and then I find out that Okajima signed a minor league deal with the Yankees? Why don't you just twist that knife a little bit more, Oki?

I didn't fault him for being upset after being taken off the 40-man roster. It's hard to fault a guy for actually wanting to play and wanting to be a useful member of the team. I agreed with that decision at the time because Oki was struggling and he wasn't helping anyone, but I've always liked the guy.

He was the throw-in. He was the guy they brought in to be BFF's with Dice-K, who wasn't expected to be spectacular but would still get outs. Well, he was spectacular, and when he would come out of the bullpen, you knew that the game was in good hands. A good portion of the time, his speed didn't crack the 90's, but he kept the hitters confused. Not many would argue that he ended up being a valuable part of the team longer than Dice-K did... though Dice is still technically part of the team and may once again prove valuable (not holding my breath).

Okajima once signed a baseball for my mom in spring training, and that was all she could talk about for the rest of vacation. That baseball is proudly displayed in her living room (next to two signed Jason Varitek baseballs), and it makes both her and I happy whenever we see it. Also, the Okajima song is the finest piece of music ever written. Perhaps I'm being a tad hyperbolic, but I love that entrance theme. I can't hear it and not sing along. I just can't.

But now Oki is a Yankee... at least a minor one... and I just have to thank him for all he's done and boo the hell out of him if he ever pitches against us. Sigh.

Oakland: Reddickulous

2011-12-29T07:38:00.000-05:00

I dislike this. I dislike this tremendously. While I have few qualms about Andrew Bailey, I have tremendous problems with trading Josh Reddick to get him. Seriously. I love Josh Reddick. I honestly thought that he would be in right field this season, and he still might be! Only in Oakland.

Keebler thus far has been making.... interesting... moves. They really aren't the type of moves that I can get excited about or think, 'hm, I've always kind of liked that player. I wonder how they will fit in with the team.' Instead, I feel like it's a bunch of moments of, 'who the hell is that guy?,' or 'he traded FOR a former Yankee?!,' or 'no, really, who the hell is that guy?' I'm not saying that we need to sign Prince Fielder, but it would actually be nice to get a piece that I'm happy about. Maybe Andrew Bailey will be that piece, but his appearances will always be bittersweet because I will be stuck with thinking about poor Josh Reddick in Oakland.

I wish you the best of luck, Josh. I'm glad I was able to be in attendance for a good handful of your best games as a member of the Sox. Enjoy Oakland but know that I now have to root against you every time you come back to town.

As The Crickets Chirp: Darvish Finds Out The Name Of His Secret Admirerer

2011-12-20T07:57:00.000-05:00

The Red Sox seem to have posted no bid for Yu Darvish, so there hasn't been much news coming out of my go-to media outlets about his posting process. My guess is that after the fiasco that was Dice-K, Keebler decided that the best bet would be to stay far, far away from that mess. Actually, I think the reason that Keebs has made such minor moves and has kept so quiet is his post-traumatic stress disorder kicked in at the mere mention of a posting process.

"No, Theo, don't do it!" He begged.

"Quiet, Ben. This Dice-K guy is a sure thing."

"Won't you please think of the children?! The children, Theo! They don't even know what a gyroball is! I'm not sure it really exists!"

"Enough out of you. Back in the basement you go."

And there Ben would stay, through the bidding and negotiation. He was only let out of the basement once the damage was done, and even then he was given a pencil and a piece of paper and forced to learn how to spell Matsuzaka. It's bad memories for him. He just couldn't go through that again!

Anyway, the Texas Rangers won the bidding. I guess they saw something in this guy, and if Nolan Ryan thinks he's good enough, then I'm looking forward to seeing him pitch. Against us. When we face the Rangers. Wait, why am I looking forward to this? I give up. It's been a slow week. In case nothing else happens and I don't check in before Sunday, have a very Merry Christmas, you all.

I'm sort of hoping that Santa leaves me a right fielder in my stocking. What are you hoping Santa leaves you?

Nick Punto: He Is Now On Our Team

2011-12-14T17:12:00.000-05:00

With no facts or stats to back up this statement, I will make the following reaction to signing Nick Punto for 2 years $3M:

We traded Jed Lowrie so we could sign an older, more expensive Jed Lowrie.

Brilliant, Keebs. Brilliant.

Lowrider: Astro?

2011-12-14T12:56:00.000-05:00

Farewell Lowrider. We hardly knew ye. Mostly because you couldn't stop hurting yourself and you didn't really get a chance to play. Your future now includes a trip to Houston with your (hopefully) buddy Kyle Weiland. I always felt bad for Weiland. He struggled every time he seemed to pitch for us. I might have been imagining that, but I'm pretty sure I'm not.

Parting with Lowrie does not surprise me. He couldn't show them what he needed to show them in order to become the shortstop of the future. Weird, now he's actually a shortstop of the future (get it? Because the Astros are a futuristic team? Is that funny? I don't think it's as funny in print as it was in my head. Sorry). Regardless, I don't think this is going to make his BFF-MVP runner up very happy. You know Lowrider was the only one Jacoby actually liked by the end of the season... if you are willing to believe what the media tells us. I'm not. Well, sometimes I am, but not in this case.

Melacon will be shipped to us as payment for these fine baseball players that we've provided to them. He seemed to have put up pretty good numbers last year, with the caveat being that it was for the Astros. Is he supposed to be our new closer? I don't know if I'm comfortable with putting the fate of my baseball games in the hands of a former Yankee.

Whatever. I don't honestly care about Lowrider and Weiland getting traded. I'm still in mourning over the possible end of Varitek's Sox career. I wish them well, but that's really the best I can do right now. Good luck in Houston, guys.

Oh Captain: Don't Go

2011-12-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure WHAT to say right now. Nothing is official. There's a chance for him to come back in some capacity (though definitely not as a player), but with the recent signing of Kelly Shoppach, who I happen to loathe, it seems all but certain that Jason Varitek's days with the Sox have come to an end.

(Please take a moment to cue up "Yesterday" by Boyz II Men, as you will need it for reflective background music as I begin my goodbye speech)

Jason made me fall in love with baseball. We didn't watch sports in my house growing up. I had zero exposure to the world of baseball. My dad wasn't a sports fan and my mom (a closet sports fan) followed his lead. When I was 18, the guy I was dating suggested we watch a baseball game. I agreed, mostly because I wanted to impress him. And then there was Tek. One look, I was hooked. I can't explain it. He hit a home run in the very first game I ever watched. For some reason, with my complete lack of knowledge for the sport, I didn't expect that catchers were able to hit. Tek hit. I fell in love. From that moment on, I needed to know everything I could about the novel concept I had just witnessed. Baseball. Imagine that.

Fast forward eight years. I know I said I'm ready for Tek to not be on the team any more, but I'm not. I'll never be ready. I want him on the team, I just don't neccessarily want him playing! That's not too much to ask, right? We've got a bunch of guys on the team who didn't play last year and a bunch more who won't be playing this year. We give THEM money. We let THEM show up to the park. Sign Tek for league minimum and give him unneccessary surgery!

If our GM or our manager or our Larry Lucchino think that Kelly Shoppach is the answer to anything other than 'who is a worse offensive and defensive catcher than a 40 year old Jason Varitek,' they are either fooling themselves or they are morons. Honestly, I do not see a single upgrade in Shoppach other than he's not 40. He's not even good looking. We got rid of him for a reason back in the day. If anyone in the organization honestly believed that he was worth retaining, they wouldn't have traded him to begin with. Theo held on to his favorite minor leaguers with an iron grip. We didn't believe in Shoppach then, and I have less reasons to believe in him now.

I understand wanting to save money, but do we really have to downgrade at positions? I'm not liking this. Bringing back Ortiz was a gesture of good faith to the fanbase, but you've got to do better than Shoppach. In case I haven't mentioned this, I hate Shoppach.

But, if this is goodbye, Jason, I want you to know that I cherished every moment of our time together. My well-worn Varitek jersey will never be retired (not until it is literally falling apart beyond repair) and I will support you no matter where you may end up. My heart breaks at the thought of you leaving. I know I was distraught when Mikey left, and we hadn't shared as many moments as you and I have, Jason. I thought we were in it for the long haul, but I guess fate has decided to tear us apart. Maybe in some other capacity, we can be together again. I'll never forget you, oh captain, my captain. Now please give me a moment. I think I have something in my eye.

Top Free Agents Keep Signing: Marlins And Angels Spending Like Drunken Sailors

2011-12-08T11:24:00.000-05:00

Let me start by saying I have zero problem with these teams ponying up big money for free agents that they covet. I would be the Queen of Hypocracy if I said it wasn't ok. And I am equally fine with the fact that the Sox are not big-spending this year.

The Marlins made the first few big moves, and it looked like they were serious about Pujols. But then they stopped, and the Angels took over. Not only did they giftwrap CJ Wilson for themselves, but they tossed ten years, $250M+ at Albert and have wooed him away from the World Series Champion Cardinals. Money always talks, doesn't it?

I didn't care where either of them ended up. Would I like to have Pujols on my team? Yeah, probably... but logistically, we have nowhere to put him, and giving anyone more than a four or five year contract gives me hives. Anyone who honestly says they don't want Albert on their team is either in denial or does not watch baseball. Or maybe they don't like his face. There are certain players whose faces I do not like. CJ Wilson... yeah, I probably should have wanted him on my team, but I didn't. I would have rather had Buehrle.... Buerhle.... Bue... that guy from the White Sox. I would have rather had him. Wilson is talented, but I'm just not sold on him. It doesn't matter, really. I'm not a GM and I never should be.

Really, the only thing that I actually care about right in this very moment is the fact that Papi accepted arbitration and will be coming back. They needed to bring him back. I truly believe the goodwill of a patient, yet frustrated, fanbase was completely riding on Papi being brought back. At least the front office recognized that. I don't care how much money they have to pay him through arbitration. If they have no problem throwing money at Lackey for being useless, they can throw equal amounts of money at Papi for having a purpose. I'm looking forward to seeing how Keebler fixes the rest of the team. He's taking his time. I hope the slow rebuilding process is worth it, because it's driving me crazy. Typical neurotic Boston fan. What can I say? I just love that dirty water so, so much...

Arbitration Man: Papi To Accept Keebler's Offer

2011-12-07T09:28:00.000-05:00

I think that had our GM included several cases of Chips Deluxe, or even E.L.Fudge cookies this would have been a done deal already. As it stands, the word is not official that Papi will be accepting arbitration, but it's likely. He still has until 11:59 PM to make up his mind one way or another. Hopefully, he'll say, 'Sure Keebs. Give me that one year and I'm gonna tear the cover off the ball and make you regret not giving me a long-term contract.' I mean, he'd probably say that in a cooler way, and with more of a Dominican accent, but you get the idea.

If our Papi does indeed accept arbitration, I will let out a huge sigh of relief. I need this. I think David needs this, too. It seems that most of the teams that have expressed interest in him have dropped out. The Jays don't want him. The Mariners don't want him. There are no other offers on the table, apparently. I'd say that I'm shocked, but I guess I can understand the logic to not wanting to sign a DH to a long-term contract worth around $10M per year. Papi wants a pay day, and he wants to guarantee a few other paydays after that. It's his right to look for a multi-year deal, but with such little interest, accepting arbitration is wise.

No one is ever going to love you the way we love you, Papi. Such a large chunk of this fanbase stood beside you, faith unwavering, through your toughest trials. So many of us never stopped feeling like you were one swing of the bat away from winning every game we were behind. You have our love, but sometimes all that love can guarantee you is arbitration. It may not be a fair trade. Oh no, it's not. But we want you to stay. Because we love you. Because you are an institution here. Because, damnit, you're Big Papi and I wouldn't trust any other pair of broad shoulders to carry this team when they need it most.

And maybe, if you keep doing what you do, we'll have the pleasure of watching you retire with "Red Sox" on your chest.

Pedro: Hall Of Fame Bound

2011-12-05T11:01:00.000-05:00

There's no question in my mind that Pedro's going in to the Hall. Not as a spectator, not as a visitor, but as a first ballot Hall of Famer. If he's not first ballot, everyone who didn't vote for him should have their vote revoked. Love him or hate him, Pedro was a force. He made the best hitters pumped up on the best steroids look foolish. And he made it look easy. This article from the Bleacher Report highlights Pedro's HOF resume. I do not agree with the assumption that he is a second balloter, but we'll conveniently ignore that part. Also, I'm a shameless homer for the players I love.

Another issue that should not be up for debate... Pedro is going in as a member of the Red Sox. He was with us longer than any other team. He was in his prime, and therefore the most dominant. He won a World Series with us and accumulated two out of his three Cy Young awards with us. I know the HOF committee gets to decide what hat he wears, but they need to slap a B on his forehead and call it a day, no questions asked.

Aside from all this HOF talk, hearing of Pedro's retirement makes me sad. It's an end for me, as a fan. The era of Pedro is officially over. There's no hope remaining that he'll come back just for a few games, toss on that old #45 and make batters look silly. I've already missed him in the last few years. Knowing that he's not walking through those doors any more makes me miss him so much more. Good luck with family life, Petey. We'll see you at your induction speech.

Just A Thought: 25

2011-12-02T18:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how I feel about Bobbysox wearing number 25. For some reason, I never had a problem with Mikey Lowell wearing the number, but letting Bobby wear it? I don't know.

Since Mike, I am a little protective of that number. Is that odd of me? Perhaps. But I love Mike Lowell, and my lifetime membership to the Mikey Lowell fan club was not negated by his retirement. I didn't see Tony C. play, so it didn't bother me as much. But Mikey? I adored watching him play.

You have upped the ante, Bobby. You better be good.

Finally: Some News

2011-11-30T07:33:00.000-05:00

In a move that suprised literally no one, the Sox have decided to bring on Bobby Valentine as their new manager. My thoughts:

1) What the heck took them so long? We all knew Valentine was the front-runner for the job at least a few weeks back. What, did they have to go back through the video of his greatest hits? Did they have to finish up his fratboy hazing before he was welcome on the club? Am I just being really impatient about this whole thing? I think it's the last one, but it feels like they took forever to make up their minds. I hope they're completely happy with this decision.

2) I do think Valentine was the most qualified for the job among the remaining candidates. Knowing what little I do about him, I think he's going to be a much sterner force from the bench than Tito was. I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing, but I guess we'll find out. I adored Tito and his managerial style. Granted, some of his decisions drove me crazy, but I don't think any manager alive will make me happy 100% of the time. It remains to be seen if a more strong-willed manager can get our Pitchers of Beer under control.

3) I wonder what his beverage of choice is. I think it would be nice if he would take up drinking Bigelow green tea, just so the transition from Tito to Bobby will be a smooth one. Then again, he does seem more like a coffee man. Time will tell.

4) Anyway, welcome to the madhouse, Mr. Valentine. Don't mess up. Ever. Or I will blog angrily about you.

Happy Thanksgiving, Red Sox Nation

2011-11-24T09:24:00.000-05:00

To all the lovely folks that stop by this here ramblin' hole to get an earful of my crazy, ranty opinions, Happy Thanksgiving. I hope by the end of the day, you are all happy and full and surrounded by the people you love. I know I will be. Have a fantastic day, everyone!

And I can't wait to see if Keebs is going to bring anything delicious to the table today! He's an elf. He should at least be able to whip up some desserts. See you guys after the food coma!

Verlander For MVP: Good?

2011-11-22T10:58:00.003-05:00

I think I'm supposed to be up in arms over the fact that Pretzels didn't win the AL MVP. You know me. I'm not. Granted, I think I would have been ok with Pretzels winning, but I am not willing to make a moving, heart-warming case over why Verlander just didn't measure up.

I am in the camp of rabid baseball fanatics that believe pitchers shouldn't be eligible for MVP awards. While the rest of the team is on the field day after day, a pitcher works once a week. How can he be most valuable? I don't see it. It is INSANELY important to point out that my philosophy on this particular topic is a disgruntled reaction to the great MVP Disaster of 1999. Look it up. No pitcher since then has even come close to being worthy. Why is Verlander more worthy than Pedro? WHY?! GAHH!

It's fine. Verlander apparently is now made of gold and can do no wrong. He can take home as much hardware as his little heart desires. Too bad the Tigers didn't make the World Series. I'm pretty sure I was rooting for them at some point. I don't remember. That was a really long time ago.

I don't think there's anything else that I need to update you kind people on. Theo stole our perspective manager, but the last laugh will be on him when he starts waving in batters during someone else's at bat. Those poor little Cubs don't know what's in store for them. So many outs at home. So. Many. Outs. No, I'm NOT bitter.

It's not like we still don't have a manager and our GM has accomplished nothing since putting Lackey on the shelf. Can we get some things crossed off that to-do list, Keebs? It's winter. I'm cold. I need the Hot Stove to keep me warm. What the hell are you waiting for?

Keebler?: Anyone Got Better Ideas

2011-11-15T08:17:00.001-05:00

Ben Cherington is not giving me anything to work with! His Wikipedia page has nothing helpful (see for yourself here). He hasn't found a manager, signed a Big Papi, or done anything yet to give me any indication that he even deserves a nickname. I mean, even an abbreviated google search revealed no more pertinent information about Benny boy. How am I supposed to assign a merry moniker in the absence of revealing run-through of his entire life?! Yet Lauren is right. He needs a nickname. Ben Cherington is just too cumbersome a name to continuously write out.

I realize it's early in the Hot Stove season. Really, right now, we're in the warm stove season, when everything is just getting ready to go. Before we know it, there will be smoke, and fire, and cookies and Ben will have done something worthy of a nickname.

Nickname-maker is a hard job. Look at this. It's turned me into a rambling fool... you know, moreso than usual. We could call him GM-ington. We could call him White Rice (Uncle Ben... rice... is that racist?). We definitely shouldn't call him Benny Boy, though, because Urban Dictionary tells me that it's an unflattering nickname. Same with "Super Fruit" (I did a google search for cherry and the term Super Fruit came up. Just thought I'd let you in on the process). What about Mighty Mouse? Here he comes to save the day? I don't know. I don't know if any of these are sticking. We could call him Edward Smith, who was the captain of the Titanic. That would be bad karma! We don't want to call him Edward Smith. We don't actually want to mimic the Titanic, though the team did.... well, you know. But that was under Epstein, so if anything, Theo is Edward Smith. Good luck, Cubbies!

I've got Keebler. The man looks like a Keebler elf. This is what I have to work with, and therefore you get a half-hearted nickname based solely on his appearance. I know. It's lazy and you all deserve better from me, BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE BETTER! Does ANYONE have any other ideas?

Feel free to discuss. I kind of like Mighty Mouse, but Keebler is faster to type. If I don't come up with anything better, I'm flipping a coin and whatever nickname wins is going on my list. It's over to the right. See it? You might have to scroll down (or up) a little. There you go. He's either going to be an elf, or a mouse. His fate is in your, or the coin's, hands. And yes, I am aware that coins don't have hands.

Clever Joke About Entrance Theme: Goodbye Post

2011-11-13T19:07:00.002-05:00

See ya, Paps. Good luck in Philly. That's really all I have to say about that.

Still working on that nickname. It's slow goings, guys. Slow goings.

Gold Gloves: No Complaints

2011-11-02T08:06:00.000-04:00

Erick Aybar, I love you. I know almost nothing about you, and I don't throw the word 'love' around easily (ok, when it comes to baseball, I definitely do, but for the sake of this post, I do not), but I absolutely love you. Why, you may ask? I'll tell you why.

Because you're not Derek F*&^ing Jeter.

You could be a can of creamed corn for all I care. The only thing I care about is that you're not Jeter, and you won a gold glove. I'm sure you deserved it. And if you didn't? Well I don't care. I support you winning it anyway. Because at this point, it's nothing but bitterness toward the SS Gold Glove and I need something to make me like it again. You, Erick Aybar, you will make me like it again. Today, sir, you are my hero.

In a little bit of good press from the Sox stronghold, three of our little darlings also came away with a gold glove. It's extremely fortunate that the gold glove voters didn't seem to watch how anyone played in September! I kid. You know, sort of. So congratulations to Ernie, Pretzels, and Munchkin. I still think Pretzels' defense is overrated, but I'm not going to begrudge him this award. I'm proud of our boys, who are (I'm sure) at this very moment strapped to chairs Clockwork Orange style, being forced to watch every moment of failure through the entire season.... because only making them watch September wouldn't be as effective and wouldn't last as long. I have no doubts that Ben Cherington is doing this for us because he loves us and wants us to be happy.

In other news, still trying to think up a good, clever nickname for Mr. Ben. I don't want to go the easy route and call him Uncle Ben... and I was thinking about Goldfinger, but I guess he'll have to do some other good stuff before he really earns that nickname. I'll go back to thinking....

Yeah, so congratulations, guys! Good work!

11:39 PM: Have A Shot of Jack

2011-10-27T15:12:00.000-04:00

Today is the day. Seven years ago, at 11:39 PM, Edgar Rentaria's ground ball to Foulke made us the happiest nation in the world.

There's a lot going on right now, but just like last week when I suggested that we all smile for a bit, I think we should all do a shot of Jack to celebrate the Idiots that made us happy.

That's all I've got, guys. I'm working on coming up with a nickname for Ben Cherington, but I'm not rushing it. He deserves a good one. I'll get back to you all. Happy Thursday!

It's A Miracle!: Or An Injury. Your Call.

2011-10-26T07:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, guys.... I checked the calendar at least fifteen times since I got the announcement (for the record, I got the announcement this morning). I am here to assure you that it is not December 25th, even if it feels like Christmas morning. And it DOES feel like Christmas morning.... and I'm as giddy as a child who just found her presents from Santa under the tree.

Ben Cherington is playing Santa in this scenario.

The present, as you know is Tommy John surgery. For John Lackey.

Call me a coldhearted bitch if you will, and lecture me on celebrating the misfortunes of others if you'd like, but we DESERVE to be happy about this! I deserve this, damnit! I sat through damn near every one of John Lackey's shit-tacular starts this season. I suffered through frigid temperatures, rain, blaring sun from which there was no escape, and overpowering fog that obstructed my view of the entire field. I suffered! And because of that, today I celebrate!

This doesn't solve our Mudpie problem, of course. I do believe he's signed through the 2015 season, but as a short-term solution, I'll take it. And I won't miss him.

Yup, I'm probably going to hell. It's fine, I'll have plenty of good company... and when I reflect on my life, I can think about how happy I was the day I found out John Lackey was going to be gone for 2012, and it will make my eternity in the lake of fire worth it.

I love you, Ben Cherington. I will make you extra cookies and leave extra milk by the fire for you this year.

PS - just for the record, I'm pretty sure this is the first post in which I use the two labels "Mudpie" and "Good things" together. Miraculous. Enjoy yourselves today, guys. This day belongs to the fans!

Happy Anniversary, Red Sox Nation: Go Watch Some DVDs

2011-10-20T08:16:00.000-04:00

Here's a sure way to put a smile on your face this morning.... plop your well-worn copy of Faith Rewarded (or Four Days In October... or hell, just the 2004 ALCS), watch that video until the very end of game 7, then pause the DVD. Let yourself get lost in that feeling. You remember it. The joy, the numbness, the excitement, the confusion of what had just happened. I know you remember it. Every Red Sox fan alive during October 20th, 2004 remembers it. Soak it in, and let that unadulterated joy completely neutralize all the feelings of frustration from this September. That was where we were seven years ago. Our team had just completed a miracle, and we loved them.

The current team is not the same as that team, and I'm not trying to pretend it is. But as horribly as this season ended for us, we still have that. Today, chicken and beer and anonymous sources and voodoo in the dugout isn't allowed to bother you.... because today is one of the worst days in the life of a Yankee fan, and that should be enough to make you smile.

It worked for me. I'm smiling. You deserve to be smiling, too. Happy anniversary, Red Sox Nation! Let's all look forward to more miracles in 2012!

Anonymous Sources: I Hate Them All

2011-10-19T12:26:00.000-04:00

Enough! Geez, I honestly don't want to hear another damn word about pitchers drinking beer! Do I approve that they were drinking on the clock? No! But all this talk of drinking and chicken and team dysfunction and ineffective managers as the cause for the collapse? Ridiculous! This is so stupid. If I read one more article by anonymous sources, my head will implode, turn into a black hole, and destroy the entire Fenway area. I don't care if anonymous sources leak that Pedroia does voodoo dances to curse opposing pitchers in the visitor's clubhouse before games. I don't want to know if anonymous sources tell me Jason Varitek questioned Terry Francona's authority at every turn, or if they want me to believe that David Ortiz kept a Yankee jersey in his locker all season long. From now on, if you want me to believe you, put your name on it. If you stay anonymous, I'll assume you're lying. I have a feeling the majority of fans out there have already long ago reached this point.

Truth is, I don't like that our pitchers were drinking on the clock, but I believe them when they say they only drank during their off-days. Beer and chicken didn't cause the collapse. Shitty pitching, hitting, and fielding did. I am not the only one who blames Curt Young for a lot of this, but it comes back to the players. Don't focus on what they did off the field... what they did in the clubhouse. Put the blame on what we saw with our own eyes.... this bunch of guys didn't play well. It doesn't matter why. I'm tired of reasons and excuses. Now I want to hear how we're going to fix it. That's the only kind of information I want from anonymous sources.

For me, the gossip channel is off. I can't wait till spring training... oh yeah, Go Rangers!

Lester Mans Up: One Pitcher Of Beer Comes Clean

2011-10-17T15:08:00.000-04:00

It's not much, and it certainly doesn't change anything that happened this past September, but reading Jon Lester admit to the allegations against him and apologize for his bad decision-making skills earns him back a bit of respect in my book.

Of course, I don't know the complete set of circumstances that caused the club house to fall apart and I can't assume that pitchers drinking beer during their off-days was the sole reason for the collapse, but Jonny would have earned back a little more respect had he not said their 'bad habits' had nothing to do with the collapse. I have a feeling it had more to do with the collapse than he would like to admit.

Still, seeing as how he's the first one of the three to step up and apologize for the drinking made me feel one little iota better. It might have taken three weeks, but it's something, damnit, and I'm going to cling to it like a life-boat. After all, the wounds are still fresh and I need something to make me feel better.

It's the little things, guys. I'm trying to focus on the positive. Now, Josh Beckett and John Lackey, it's your turn. Get to apologizin'!

Welcome To The Smear Parade: Starting Right On Schedule

2011-10-13T11:18:00.000-04:00

Hi, friends. It's me. Jup. I know I've been mostly absent during Red Sox Nation's time of need, but please know that I have never actually left you. I've just been speechless.

Now, this doesn't happen to me very often. I'm quite the opinionated young lady. I can be pretty witty when I want to be. Yet, in the wake of all that happened in September, I've found myself with nothing to say, no desire to analyze, and no clue what will become of my beloved team. It's been a time of introspection and mourning. I've mourned the playoff aspirations of my team as I stare blankly at the unused ALDS home game 1 tickets. I mourn the loss of Tito... simply the greatest Red Sox manager of my lifetime, and likely of all time. I mourn the 2011 Red Sox, as they will surely be a new beast with the dawning of spring training 2012. I mourn a lost season.

Ok, now that I'm done being dramatic, may I say this is all absolutely ridiculous. I will not believe one single slanderous front-office-based word that comes out about Tito, and I know any of my fellow Red Sox friends with brains will also know better. If I'm being completely honest, I could care less that Theo is gone. I can name more horrible moves he's made (Renteria, Lugo, Drew, Dice-K, Lackey, Gagne, Cameron, Jenks... just to name a few)than wonderful moves (trading for Ernie... signing Alex Gonzales twice.... um....) so I'm not sad to see him go. I only wish he could have taken some of his major-flop contracts with him.

If I want to go on to be more honest, I think it's time for Varitek to move on. Jason will forever be my favorite player and I didn't think it possible that I would see the day where I didn't want him on my team any more.... but I think it might be time to part ways with him. I don't feel honest calling him the captain any more. The 'C' should probably be put in storage until we see a leader emerge, or we can just give it to Munchkin.

I don't like hearing Papi talk of bolting to the Yankees. You may be mad at the front office, but please don't try to punish the fans for what they've done to you. By saying that, all you're doing is hurting us.... the ones that have stood by you during your entire tenure here. I respectfully ask you to stop this nonsense, Papi.

I have not come to a decision on what needs to be done about Wakefield. My heart says keep him, but my brain asks if his head is actually in the game or on his stats. I had never heard Timmy talk of individual accomplishments before, and it worries me. Though, I agree... we do deserve to watch him chase that record. But is that in the best interest of the other 24 guys?

I may not like knowing that Beckett, Lester, and Lackey were drinking, eating chicken, and playing video games in the clubhouse during gamedays, but finding out about this only now makes the Boston media look like a bunch of assholes. They have no problems reporting on other crap, like pending divorces or child support papers being served, crap that has no business in the sports section, but they don't tell us what's going on in the clubhouse. Disingenuous.

I'm anxious and nervous to see what other changes will be made. I am willing to garner no guesses over the fate of Papelbon. I don't like that our pitchers haven't made any public statements about the accusations. I don't like the front office for the way any of this is being handled.... but I love my team, and I will stick by them. And I'm here for you guys if you need a shoulder to cry on. Because I feel your pain.

Tito Takes The Blame?: Bullshit.

2011-09-30T11:59:00.000-04:00

I have not yet come to terms with the end of the season, and I don't really want to talk about it, but I couldn't stay silent on this.

If Tito is truly the one taking the blame for the monumental collapse, I am disgusted. Sure, he made a couple of boneheaded decisions, but HE didn't swing at bad pitches. HE didn't refuse to run out ground balls, and he sure as hell didn't misplay the balls in the field. As a matter of fact, I didn't see any of the fastballs Tito threw get slammed for home runs. I didn't see Tito walk anyone. How the hell is he taking the fall for this?

I'm pissed off. This isn't right.

Summary: Anger

2011-09-22T10:40:00.000-04:00

My parents always taught me if I didn't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all. Assuming that same principle applies to blogging, you have your explanation for where I've been.

I'm stressed, panicked, annoyed, and every other adjective with negative connotations you could imagine right now. But I'm trying to be nice about it. Aside from my random outbursts of swearing and idle threats of self-harm (let's face it, I'm way too selfish to ever hurt myself over a baseball team), I have been fairly composed about this embarassment of a month.

But last night.... oh man, last night was my breaking point. I can't be nice. Joshua? Of all people, Joshua has to put on that PITIFUL excuse for a pitching performance? Do the Red Sox not know that we're facing the Orioles? Because the Orioles suck and the Red Sox should know that! What the bloody hell is going on here?! It's September of 2011, boys. Not April 2011. Not September 2006, Josh! There is supposed to be hellfire and brimstone and badassery, but there is none! Instead we have crybabies, and implosions, and pathetic excuses. In the words of the late Owen Hart, enough is enough and it's time for a change! Baseball isn't working for our baseball team, so how about some pro wrestling? I want to see Stone Cold Stunners from Scutaro to anyone who dares run by him. I want piledrivers at home plate to be delivered by Varitek BEFORE the opponents swing the bat. Someone hand Ernie a steel chair and let him swing away at anyone heading up the line. Clotheslines from Munchkin at second base to anyone trying to steal. Intentional HBP's from Beckett, who, damnit! He should be allowed to do a pre-game promo that would be shown up on the Jumbotron. It's a jumbotron now. I demand it. And if the bullpen guys aren't legdropping the opposite team's outfielders at the start of every inning, they aren't doing their job! On top of all that, I want Munchkin to bring a microphone with him for every at bat. The homeplate ump should be Mean Gene Okerlund or Jerry the King Lawler, and they should ask him before EVERY AT BAT what we should expect him to do. And if he doesn't answer something along the lines of "I'll be stylin' and profilin' all around the bases tonight, Mean Gene. Wooo!" then he should be fined.

If they aren't going to play the game the right way, they should at least make it fun for me. Tag-team at-bats! When Ortiz gets tired of fouling off pitches, he can tag in Millar to do it for him! It's not like Kevin doesn't hang out at games anyway, and it would be a great plotline. Besides, we KNOW Kevin can foul off pitches like nobody's business. Then, when Papi is ready, he can tag back in. If we aren't going to get winning, then I want entertainment. Get on it, Tito. Immediately!

Oh, and Go Sox.

Red Sox Enemy #1: Daniel Bard

2011-09-15T09:26:00.000-04:00

Dramatic and extreme? You bet. But right now, I sort of hate Daniel Bard's face, considering that he's been single handedly responsible for three Red Sox losses in the month of September. Some advice for Daniel: You throw 100 f***ing miles per hour. Stop throwing balls in the dirt, asshat! Alternately: The strike zone. Figure it out. Watching one of our best relievers come in and throw 9 balls in his first ten pitches is unbelievably aggrivating. Why? Why does this happen? Why didn't Tek stop it?

Mudpie actually pitched ok! I mean, I didn't enjoy watching him pitch, but he did well enough to leave with a lead! Also, I've got to put the blame on Francona, too. Bard's been shit this month. We're in a pennant race. When you see that he's got NOTHING, maybe it's time for a quick hook, huh? I understand that you've got to let your pitchers pitch and sometimes they have to work themselves out of their own troubles, but he literally could not pitch or field. Daniel did not show up ready to play, and if he's not focused, then I don't want him on my field while we're trying to hold the wild card.

Dwelling isn't going to do me any good. Posting while I'm still filled with irrational hate doesn't do you guys any good. Papi's out with spasms, Ernie left with a cramp (seriously, guys, time to play through a little bit of pain!), and we didn't have a baserunner for the last three innings of the game. Youkilis has been less than useless since his return, though I give him credit for playing through pain. No one on the team had more than one hit, with the majority of them going hitless. The fielding in this one was terrible on both ends, though Tek did make an amazing play at the plate. Not like it mattered, we still lost. How do you go from plating 18 runs the night before to the offensive 'performance' they put on yesterday afternoon? I don't get it. Someone tell the boys that it's July again and maybe they'll play better.

200: Finally!

2011-09-15T09:13:00.000-04:00

Let me start by saying that everything was perfect at Fenway on Tuesday... at least in my opinion. The weather was great, the bleacher folk were wonderful, and it just FELT like it was going to be a good night. I'm glad it worked out as well as it did because I was a stressed out ball of nerves for the first five innings. Just like roughly 30,000 other people in attendance, I wanted this for Tim so badly. He's been through so much with the Sox and he's never really complained. I just wanted him to win. Those other 7,000 in attendance? Well, they were just there to drink beer and couldn't care if Tim won. But at least 30,000 of us cared.

No, it wasn't pretty. After taking a 2-0 lead, Tim pissed it away by allowing a 3-run (zero out) home run. The, after taking a 4-3 lead, Tim immediately allowed a 2-run home run that left me swearing like a sailor. Luckily, just two innings later, we took the lead for good.

I don't have the will to recount all of the 18 (18!!!!!) runs that they scored that inevitably got Timmy the win. Just know that Pretzels homered, and Munchkin homered twice in incredibly impressive fashion. After the first home run, Ryan commented 'holy shit, that Rudy kid hit a laser!' (he calls him Rudy because he's short and white, in case you didn't know). So I answered, "That's why they call him Laser Show.... the also call him Muddy Chicken, but I still haven't figured that one out."

Before long, the game started looking like Red Sox day care, with all the kids replacing the actual players. We had Anderson, Iglesias, and Lavarnway in the field and Tazawa on the mound. But it didn't matter anyway, because at the end of the game, the Sox had a 12-run lead. Twelve runs. They haven't scored twelve runs for Tim this season, never mind in a game... but I'm glad they found offense for our elder statesman.

It was amazing in the 9th, with Tazawa on the mound, hearing everyone chant "Wake-field! Wake-field! Wake-field!" It brought tears to my eyes (yes, I'm a sentimental loser and I don't care) when Wake came up those dugout stairs after the game, looking like he had been crying with his reddened nose and slightly puffy eyes. He can pretend he was showering if he wants to, but we all know he was shedding a few tears in that clubhouse. Even Ryan clapped at the video montage of Timmy's 17-year Red Sox career.... and he doesn't even like baseball. I lingered as long as I could, taking in the moment and watching the interviews and the videos and Timmy getting showered with champagne. What a night. I'm glad he could reach that milestone at home where he belongs. Boston loves you, Tim Wakefield. Congratulations!

My Prediction For Tonight: Sung To The Tune of "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" From Annie

2011-09-13T11:16:00.000-04:00

Oh, the score will run up on Morrow
Bet your bottom dollar that B. Morrow won't have fun.
Just thinking about B. Morrow
Gives poor Wake no reason to feel sorrow.
He should feel none!
It hasn't been great
This wait
For 200.
But he'll get that win!
I'll grin
And saaaaaaaay...
We'll run up the score on Morrow
We just got to beat up on B. Morrow
For Timm-ay!
B. Morrow! B. Morrow! We'll beat you, B. Morrow!
Tim's only one win away!

Dedicated to Amy, because she's having a shitty day and I hope my dorkiness will help change that!

Greatest Red Sox Ever: Who's Your Favorite?

2011-09-13T08:56:00.000-04:00

Have you guys seen this? Boston.com is holding a bracket-style tournament that you all can vote on to determine the greatest player in Red Sox history. My guess is that Ted Williams will probably win out in the end, and I will fiercely battle anyone who may say otherwise, but some of the matchups were definitely interesting.

I went through and made my choices for all four divisions, and there was only one I was legitimately stuck on …. Tim Wakefield vs. Jon Lester. Most of the matchups, I answered based completely on my personal biases (don’t we all do that though) and therefore, Trot Nixon is absolutely winning out over Roger Clemens. Other ones like Jimmie Foxx vs. Johnny Damon (who?) were no-brainers. Bill Lee vs. Curt Schilling? I went with Schill, but that does not at all diminish my love of the Spaceman. Still, through all the matchups, I stared at the matchup of Wake and Lester…. Torn as if being forced to choose between my own children. How do you choose?

I love Wakefield. He’s been around for as long as anyone remembers. He may have actually been on the team before there was a team… the quintessential Sox player. He’s known suffering and heartbreak and has been with us through it all. But if there’s a big game on the line, between the two of them, I want Lester on the mound.

Sure, Lester doesn’t share the decades of suffering with us that Wake shares, but Lester…. He’s ours. We’ve supported him through his personal suffering. He came up through our system. He’s developed right before our very eyes into a top-tier lefty. I adore Jon Lester. Besides, he’s good. You can’t actually ask me to choose between the two.

But that’s exactly what this tournament did. They made me choose. In the end, Timmy won out for me based completely on longevity. I’m still thinking about changing my mind though. It seems like the most important decision I could make for the day, to be honest. It’s not, but it feels like it is (probably because my other decisions aren’t as much fun). I hope Jon Lester doesn’t take it personally. It’s like asking me to choose my best friend over my grandfather. Family always comes first…. And now I’m rambling. Go vote! Or don’t, it won’t impact my day.

No Excuses This Time: Manny Messed Up

2011-09-13T07:37:00.001-04:00

I got a text around 11 last night from a former coworker telling me that Manny had been arrested. This ex-coworker knows how much I love (loved? I don't know if it's past tense yet) Manny, and he takes great joy in his downfall.

How can I continue to be a Manny apologist? I am staunchly against domestic violence of any kind and have never ever supported a pro-athlete that partook in such tasteless and unmanly behavior. I know it's sort of different, because Manny is no longer a pro-athlete and I wasn't actively supporting him anyway, but he leaves me in a tough spot. Am I capable of not letting this marr my positive memories of him? I was able to deal with the steroids, but this? This might ruin everything. I'm a little disgusted this morning.

But, at least in terms of mugshots, his is exactly what I expected it to be. I'm upset by this. I need time to process...

September Is Stupid: I Hate Losing

2011-09-12T08:28:00.000-04:00

Quick.... someone give me one positive that came out of this weekend's series with the Rays. One thing. Anything! I can't think of anything and I'm trying to stay positive.

I know I've been busy a lot lately, and I haven't been writing as much as I want to, but what is there to write about right now? I don't want to be a constant mass of negativity, but I'm not good at putting on a happy face when my team is playing like they're looking forward to golf in October. Really, Jon Lester, what was that? I expect it from Lackey, and Miller, and even Weiland, but you? That's twice in this month already that I've wanted to rip your face off. What's going on? This is when we need you the most, and instead of stepping up, you've taken a nap. Aces need to go more than four innings. You need to give us a chance to win!

I'm not even going to start on the offense because I just had breakfast and I don't feel like throwing up violently. Which WOULD happen. Because the offense has been stupid.

Just ONE positive. One happy thing that I can hold in my brain and think, 'Hm, yes, this is fine. There's nothing wrong with this.' I'll take anything. Work with me, guys.

Tuesday, I'm going to Fenway. I'm taking my boyfriend to his first game ever. Tuesday also happens to be the day that Wakefield once again goes for win number 200. I'll be spending my evening answering silly, obnoxious questions like 'why doesn't a foul count as a hit?' or 'why don't they just go into the stand to get the ball?' and I am genuinely hoping that these silly questions are not my favorite part of the night.... but if they are, then at least I have something, I guess.

Erm.... go Sox.

Stupid Team: Does Stupid Things

2011-09-09T09:03:00.002-04:00

Dear Red Sox:

Stop sucking. You're making me mad. (With the obvious exception of my darling Varitek) I dislike all of you. Do your jobs and win games like you did in July. Thanks. Love, me.

Three Letters: W, T, and F

2011-09-08T09:06:00.000-04:00

You've got to be f'n kidding me, right? No, really, somebody better have staged that game, hacked into my satellite dish, and blocked me from watching the REAL game. I don't know who would have done it, and for their sake I better never find out because it WASN'T FUNNY!

This isn't April! I know it's cold and rainy like April, but it's freakin' September! Wake should have not only gotten his 200th career win a month and a damn half ago, but he should have been up to Red Sox career win #193. Damnit. Just damnit.

Seriously, universe, you're lucky I had key lime pie for breakfast. Had I not, you'd be facing one angry me right now. Angrier, actually. The delicious limey flavor cooled the anger a bit. Damn you, bullpen! Bless you, pie.

If Tim gets denied one more time, I honestly believe two things will happen: 1) My face will violently implode, 2) Ryan will be so terrified that HIS face will implode. We don't really want two imploded faces, DO WE, bullpen? No, we don't. So cut the stupid shit! I want wins, damnit, and I want them now!

No, No, I Still Exist: I'm Just Procrastinating

2011-09-07T07:56:00.000-04:00

Well.... there goes my effort to start off September right. Same goes for the Sox, I guess you could say. Aside from that pummeling of the Jays last night, there hasn't been much winning. Heck, there hasn't been much of anything! No pitching, no offense, no enthusiasm, no musical numbers.... it's been sad.

And now, to top all that suck off, Beckett's hurt. Oh, sure, he'll be ok... but I was supposed to see him pitch live next week. Thanks a lot, gods of pitching rotations. You're going to make me see Lackey again, aren't you? I might have to pledge not to buy any more game tickets until Lackey is gone. I guess I'll miss Fenway for the next few years. I can always sit in Game On! and stare lovingly at that beautiful old park, but it won't be the same. Thanks for ruining everything, Mudpie.

On a completely unrelated note, has anyone else noticed that it's been... um.... fall? Last time I checked my calendar (about thirty seconds ago because it's over my computer monitor and features a lovely collage of Doug Mirabelli this month), it was September 7th. I've had to wear sweaters to work. What is going on here? I expected nice weather for at least a few more weeks! Cold makes me sad. Cold means that baseball is ending soon, and then I am left with a big, baseball-shaped hole in the center of my heart until February. I can't dwell. I need to cherish the last few weeks of the season and embrace the cold wintery playoffs. I wish it were June again.

Should I even talk about attempt number 856 for Wakefield to win his 200th game? I don't know if I should bother, it doesn't seem to bring him luck. Either way, I'll be watching and hoping but not expecting much because our offense sucks when Wake is on the mound. I say all paychecks should be directly linked to how much offensive output each player contributes for the night. You want to go 0-4, Ernie? Then you get exactly $0 for tonight. Don't spend it all in one place. Ground into another double play, Scutaro? You owe US $500. Pay up and learn to avoid DPs. It's the only way to teach them. Take away their monies if they can't get Timmy a win! I demand it!

Maybe I should have stuck to not blogging....

Not His Best: But Still, A Win

2011-09-01T13:34:00.000-04:00

Erm, to say that Beckett pitched well against the Yankees would be a bit of an overstatement. He was good enough to win, but not good enough to make my heart flutter like a knuckleball (not that the knuckleballs have been aflutter much lately). Sixth inning, Joshua. I feel like there needs to be at least 50% more focus involved in that inning. For future reference.

I have no idea what I'm writing about today. I don't feel like writing, but I'm trying to start September off on a good note. We won! The Jimmy Fund telethon raised over $3M! I.... didn't.... break anything? I don't know, I'm reaching here. Honestly, I'm kind of cranky and stressed out. My social life is putting a huge strain on my me-time. This weekend, I'm taking off. I don't know where to, but I'm packing up the boyfriend and we're going on a roadtrip to 'west.' So I probably won't be watching the games and I probably won't post about them. Yup. West. I don't know how far west. I guess it depends on how far we drive till I get tired. I don't want him driving my car, after all.

Tonight, I'm heading to Fenway with no tickets and hoping to get some awesome Will Call luck. After all, my boy Jonny is pitching, and there is nothing better to relieve stress than watching one of your favorite pitchers pitch live. Hopefully it'll help. If not, I'll pick up a couple of bottles of vodka on my way home from the game.

All I know is, I hope AJ Burnett is still crazy. That is all.

Don't Let The Yankees Ruin It: Jimmy Fund Time Has Returned!

2011-08-31T10:11:00.000-04:00

I do this every year. It's time again for the Jimmy Fund Telethon, guys! Now, I know the Sox dropped an ugly one to the Yankees last night, leaving an entire nation on base, but don't let that sour your outlook on life. There's still plenty of good to be done, and maybe those karma points could go toward a Sox victory tonight? Hmm? Just a suggestion.

Cancer has affected my family so deeply, and I have lost so many loved ones to this horrible disease. The Jimmy Fund is my charity of choice for that very reason. There have been so many breakthroughs in cancer research, but all those breakthroughs require money. Every small bit counts. Believe me, it does.

My father and both of his parents were lost to cancer. My maternal grandfather died of cancer. My aunt and uncle both have struggled with cancer and are hanging strong right now. More funding means more research, and more research likely means more cures. I want to believe in a future where my niece and nephew don't have to worry about the disease. I want to believe in a future where people don't have to watch their loved ones go through what I watched my loved ones go through.

If you'd like to donate, go on and click here or call 1-877-738-1234. Additionally, you can text KCANCER to 20222 to donate $10 instantly! It's so easy, and you really didn't need to buy coffee and a bagel from Dunks today, did you?

If you'd like more inspiration as to why donating is a good idea, there are some touching stories listed here or if you just want to follow along with how the telethon is going, you can head over to the WEEI Radio Telethon page.

Or, if you've had enough of my little guilt trip, you can just look forward to watching Beckett mow down the Yankees tonight. There's nothing wrong with that.... but imagine how much better a win tonight would feel if you've already done your good deed for the day. Just saying.

Water Water Everywhere: My Saturday Getting Rained On

2011-08-30T11:07:00.000-04:00

I hate rain. I hate rain and water and storms and puddles. I hate that this season, my 'game bag' also known as my purse that I take to Sox games has officially become my 'rainy game bag,' and includes a poncho, an umbrella, a towel for drying my seat, and plastic bags to put all my wet garb in. I hate that more than half of the games I've gone to this season have included rain delays.

So of course, I had tickets for Sunday's game. Good seats, too! Eleven rows from the visitor's dugout... and I got them at a discount. $90 seats that cost me $65 because they came from my best friend's cousin who knew a month in advance that she could not use them. That's why we got hit by a hurricane.

Driving to the train station, seeing the water literally just pouring off of buildings, finding out that one of the stations that I need to pass through was closed due to flooding... yeah, there was nothing about Saturday that made me think we were getting those games in. There was a huge part of me that just prayed they'd cancel because I'm tired of sitting in the rain, but my dedication would not allow me to not go.

The Red Sox allowed game two ticket holders to come into Fenway for the last two innings of game one. We got to go in early and sing along to Sweet Caroline and dance to Dirty Water (there was PLENTY of it, by the way) and still got to see game two. As a disclaimer, we didn't stay all the way through game two. Once it hit rain delay, I was convinced there was no way they were getting the rest of the game in. I was wrong... but I still justify my decision. If I never have to wear my poncho again, it'll be too soon.

I hate you, rain. I hate you, Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene. I hope everyone out there is safe, and for my friends who lost power this weekend, hope you get it back in time for the Yankees series that starts tonight.... or better yet, skip tonight and wait for Beckett tomorrow.

200 Denied: Again. Seriously?

2011-08-30T10:45:00.000-04:00

Dislike. That is all.

Varitek Triples: Doesn't Fall Apart

2011-08-23T11:20:00.001-04:00

I was in the car listening to the game on the radio. It was the top of the fifth in a scoreless game. Jon Lester had just, minutes before in the bottom of the fourth, given up his first hit of the game, so my dream of another KC no-hitter was dashed. I was feeling a little grumpy at the thought that it was the fifth inning and we still didn't have a single run against Kansas City. And then it happened.

Joe Castiglione started shouting. The ball was over right fielder Jeff Francoer's head. It was rolling to the wall! It got stuck under the wall and Tek was on his way to third as Jed Lowrie had already had time to get home and take a nap. Jason Varitek had collected himself an RBI triple.

Do you know how rare it is for Jason to hit a triple? Very. I know triples are rare in general, but in Tek's fifteen seasons in the bigs (yes, I count his one game in 97 as a year in the bigs), he's had 14 triples. He hasn't hit one since 2007, though he did have three that year. I know, I couldn't believe it either. From 2000 to 2005, he collected exactly one triple per season. In comparison, in the same span of years, David Ortiz has 16 triples. In six seasons, Munchkin has seven triples. In five seasons, Pretzels has 21. Slow guys don't hit as many triples as fast guys. THAT is a true story, so I am always more impressed with a Tek triple than a Pretzels triple.

Aside from that very cool play, we had the usually wonderful pitching of Jonny Lester to love and admire. He wasn't as sharp as he could have been, laboring through six innings and actually allowing more walks than strikeouts. That doesn't happen often. It's happened two other times this season (April 1st against Texas and August 10th against Minnesota), and both other times it has happened, Jon's lost the game. This time, however, he won. Thirteen wins on the season for our boy Jonny. Six runs of support on the board. That's what I like to see.

Ronald and Crawfish broke out the home run power, each collecting a solo shot for the night. In the 8th, Ernie, Lowrider, and the new kid combined to put three on the board. Yup, the new kid collected his first RBI (please keep in mind, Saturday DID NOT happen. Thank you.) I'm proud of him. I love to see the kids do well.

So the offense woke up a bit this weekend. Lester, Miller, and Beckett were able to collect wins to give us a series victory and... well, we won't talk about Saturday's game still. Somehow, through all of this, we've stayed tied with the Yankees. I wish that I could still say the same today. Next post, I discuss why the offense went back to sleep in Texas and theorize what thoughts are running through Erik Bedard's head when he's on the mound. Stay tuned.

Miller Gives Up Less Than Five Runs: Universe Implodes.

2011-08-23T10:57:00.000-04:00

I guess I can be pretty mean to Andrew Miller. It's not completely intentional. I know he's just a kid. Talent. Potential. Blah. Not going through that again.

Despite my general feeling that he is of no use to us, he actually managed to pitch well against the Royals on Friday. Honestly, pitching well against the Royals shouldn't be considered a difficult task, but not everyone can live up to my impossibly high standards for pitchers. Actually, no one can. Beckett and Lester come close, but even they don't quite make it. Against one pretty bad team, Andrew Miller pitched 5.1 innings and only gave up three hits and a run. I won't go back through any of his other game data, but three hits and a run seems like a typical inning for him, not a typical game. Anyway, he won so cool.

Itty bitty baby catcher-turned-DH Ryan Lavarnway got his first hit as a major league ballplayer, but he still had a terrible night as he left eight runners on base. It's fine. He's young. If we didn't have injuries, he wouldn't even be up right now. I haven't seen enough of him yet to make any sort of brash statements about his possible abilities... and let's not fool ourselves, my statements would be brash.

Aside from Miller not sucking and the kid getting his first hit, Ernie semi-broke-out from his little funk, collecting three hits on the night and showing a teeny bit of power with two doubles. From what I hear, they almost went out of the park. Sadly, in baseball, almost doesn't count. What does count as going out of the park is Salty's 5th inning home run... because it actually went out of the park. Weird how that works.

Hmm, what else? Pretzels got hit in his back with a pitch and he's a big bruised marshmallow. Aceves continues to pitch like a rockstar when we need him to. Terry Francona still enjoys tea. I think that about covers it.

For the record, I am not writing about Saturday's game because I don't want to trigger any flashbacks. So we're skipping that and going right to Sunday. Everyone's cool with that, right? I sure hope so.

Pedroia Is The Show: Everyone Else Is A Background Character

2011-08-19T10:51:00.000-04:00

You know I would never take away from the importance of Beckett, but if it weren't for MC Laser Show, we would have been lost. No... wait, we would have lost, not would have been lost. He drove in three of the four runs we gathered on the night, with Tek driving in the other one. Strangely, both of them made outs at second base after RBI singles, so that was dumb. I don't like having so many baserunners thrown out trying to stretch singles into doubles. Especially Tek. Tek, darling, you can't run. It's not worth trying!

Beckett actually did get on my nerves yesterday. His first inning was a tad sketchy. His second inning was beautiful and ended with an easy-to-manage pitch count. But the third? Meh. All he had to do was hold the lead they gave him, and that's the one thing he failed to do. Overall, he could have been far worse. Three runs in seven innings with four strikeouts and no walks against one of the worse teams in baseball is nothing to sing songs about, but it'll do. 110 pitches in seven innings also isn't the best we've gotten out of him. Again, I'll limit my nugacious complaints because we won the game. Had we lost, heads would be on chopping blocks.

So, news is that Youkilis is now on the DL with a severe case of suck (which they kindly referred to as 'back trouble,' but we all know) and David Ortiz is down with a case of 'needing a vacation' which they covered up by calling it bursitis and putting him in a boot, so the Sox decided that we needed an offensive boost. Granted, they're about three weeks late to that party, but they called up Ryan Lavarnway to pump up our boys. He may not have gotten a hit last night, but I think he put the fear of God into Tek. Our old man catcher was hustling, for sure. Guess he wants to keep his job. Not gonna lie, I want him to keep it, too. It's got to be hard seeing the ghost of Christmas future hanging out in the dugout.

The Sox ended up with nine hits for the night, matching their hit total from the past three games. Thanks for waking up a little, bats. You're going to need to be fully caffeinated with Andrew Miller on the mound tonight, and I demand that by the time Wakey takes the mound on Saturday that you've gotten your shit together. Really, I don't ask for too much, do I?

Invisible Offense: Sox Do Nothing

2011-08-17T11:02:00.000-04:00

Aside from solo home runs from my darling Jason and the suspicious Pretzels, we had nothing. In eighteen innings yesterday, the boys managed six hits, and three of them were home runs. The other three were singles. There's a problem here. I know Papi is sick (and I hope he gets well soon!) and I know Youkilis is all sore and grumpy for whatever reason, but six hits in eighteen innings? Come on, boys, you're far too talented for that.

I wanted a happy post here, because Lowrider, Munchkin, and Ernie worked together in the fourth inning to record a triple play. A triple play! Do you know how rare triple plays are? I should have been able to write about how awesome it was, and what a great job everyone did to make sure we won on a night where the defense managed a motherfreakin' triple play but I CAN'T! Because aside from the triple play and the two home runs every other moment of this game was useless to me! Bedard recorded a quality start but couldn't get any run support and lost the game. Jeff Niemman collected ten strikeouts from our lineup! TEN! That's more than our collective total of baserunners for the entire day.

I'm trying not to get annoyed, but I'm sure you can clearly see that I am failing that goal. Everyone on the team needs coffee. Lots and lots of coffee since they are obviously falling asleep at the plate. I can provide them with said coffee as I have a source at a coffee distribution center. This can happen. Where do I deliver the magical caffinated beans? Because I don't want to watch the boys sleep any more. We've only got a month and a half left to the season, and I loudly request that we don't end the season the way we started it. The way to avoid that? Coffee. Obviously.

I'll get on it. For now, start praying that Mudpie manages a good game, because we're .5 games out of the division lead, and I'm not comfortable here in second place.

Nice Rebound: Jon Lester Gets Back On Track

2011-08-17T10:48:00.000-04:00

Not that I ever had major concerns about Jonny's ability to bounce back from two less-than-Lesterish outings, but it was still nice to "see" (hey, I have a job. I can't watch a 1 PM game on a Tuesday!)

The first inning was a tad bit worrisome, as he let up two doubles and a run in the first, but that would be it. He wouldn't let up another hit until Evan Longoria singled off of him in the sixth. He wasn't as dominant as he could be, throwing 113 pitches in just seven innings. We've seen better from him. His control was a little bit off at times, but he was still pretty fantastic if you ask me. Luckily the mistakes he did make weren't damaging. Oh, that Jonny. How I love him.

It was nice to see one of our starters only allow one run. It's been a while. The last time a starter allowed only one run was August 7th, when Josh once again showed the Yankees that they're nothing to be afraid of. We've had some rough starting pitching over the course of the last week, and even rougher offense. Let's get to the offense, shall we?

I know Sharky is generally credited as being a useful pitcher, which I generally disagree with. Especially against the Sox. Career-wise, he's 6-11 all time against us with a 4.84 ERA. The only teams that he has a higher ERA against are the Diamondbacks, the Reds, the Rockies, the Padres, and the Nationals, and he hasn't played more than two games against any of those teams. The Sox can generally handle Sharky. Not so much yesterday, though.

Three hits was the entirety of our offense against him. All three hits came in the third inning with singles from Reddick and Aviles and a home run for Pretzels. Seriously? Another home run? Is this guy on steroids or something? I'm highly suspicious of why all of a sudden, Pretzels has power. I don't like it. I also don't like that the rest of the offense sees Pretzels' newfound power as an excuse to take a nap at the plate. It may be a tad bit selfish of me to expect fireworks from the offense every night, especially considering how many fireworks we saw through the month of July, but I feel the mid-August sputtering to be entirely inappropriate.

I know. I'm being entitled. I expect to win, and I expect the starters to be stellar, and I expect the offense to put ten runs on the board every night. What a spoiled little sports fan I am... but I enjoy watching my team win, and the best way to win is to have your starters be stellar and to have your offense put a bunch of runs on the board. I like winning games like this, games that can be easily decided by one swing of the bat. I don't like watching the offense fail.... but I'm not going to complain, because they won, and that's what's important. Besides, I've got nothing to worry about as long as we've got Jonny.

Perpetually Behind: Playing Catch-Up in A Single Post

2011-08-16T09:50:00.000-04:00

Nope, this isn't entirely ideal. I had been doing really well posting in the month of August, and then.... life. I sort of feel like a scam artist when I write about games that I didn't actually watch. Yeah, I get score updates and I read game wrapups the next day, but not actually SEEING the games makes it hard to write about them. The one thing I don't want to be is a scam artist.

So this is the part where I blame my boyfriend. You can blame him for every post I haven't written, and believe me, he's cool with it. See, he doesn't like sports, and he doesn't own a TV.... and I've been spending lots of time with him, so unless we're at a sports bar, I can't actually watch games. I get score updates from MLB and text messages from friends telling me what's going on, but it's not the same. So there's my excuse that no one asked for.

Anyway, in the week that I haven't found it necessary to post, let me give you a little rundown of what happened....

-We won last week's series with the Twins, dropping the last game 5-2, when Lester got roughed up and the batters decided to be useless.
-After winning the first game in Seattle and giving Lackey another gotdamned W for his undeserved collection, Beckett and Wakey imploded in their games, and we dropped a series to the Mariners.
-Let me repeat that, we dropped a series to the Mariners. I think I'm going to be sick.
-Wake once again was denied his 200th win in that loss, even though he pitched a complete game and wasn't the worst we've ever seen him. He'll get another shot, and quite frankly, I'm sick to death of waiting for the guys to support him. Enough shenanigans! You guys are making me mad.
-Ernie has not hit a home run yet in the month of August. He hit two in July (July 7th and July 30th). He has two RBIs this month. Make of that what you will.
-Carl Crawford is hitting .342 in his last ten games, so please, everyone... shut up about how signing him was a mistake. He's fine.
-We are, unfortunately, once again tied for first in the division. The Yankees took advantage of our failure in Seattle and used it to catch up to us. I hate the Yankees.
-This afternoon, Jon Lester tries to rebound from his rough start vs. the Twins when he takes on Sharky Shields and the Rays at Fenway. If we sweep the double header today and the Yankees lose their game, we could go right back to a 1.5 game lead in the division. Here's hoping.

So we're all caught up and everything is back to normal. I'm going to do my best this week to keep up, but... you know... don't hold me to that.

Congratulations Jim Thome: Slugger Reaches 600 Home Runs

2011-08-16T09:20:00.000-04:00

Jim Thome has reached a milestone that few others have ever been able to reach. Last night, during the Twins/Tigers game, Jim clubbed his 600th career home run, becoming one of eight players to make it to 600. Other members of the 600 club include Barry Bonds*, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays, Ken Griffey Jr., A-rod, and Sammy Sosa.

Aaron, Ruth, and Mays are in the HOF. Bonds, Sosa, and A-rod did it with steroids, so it's yet to be seen whether or not the BBWAA will let them in. Griffey is more than likely going to get in. Where does that leave Jim Thome? Would you put him in the Hall?

He's a five-time All Star, finished in the top ten of MVP voting four times (finished in the top twenty nine times), finished in the top ten for OBP SLG% and OBPS% ten times between 1995 and right now. According to the Jim Thome page on the ever-fantastic baseball-reference.com , Jim Thome's got a good case. Using the Bill James "Hall of Fame Stats" tool, it looks like Jim's a pretty likely candidate to get in. I know, right now you're thinking "well, obviously Jim Thome is a likely HOF candidate. There was no reason to even write this much about the possibility!" And you're right, but I felt the need anyway.

Jim Thome seems like one of the truly nice guys in baseball. He seems to love what he does, and in every article I've read about his great achievement today, he's come off as an incredibly humble, down-to-Earth guy. I root extra hard for people like that. I want to see him do well, and I want to see him get into the Hall. This may ring as cliche, but once in a while, I want to see the nice guys finish first. And I'm rooting hard for Jim.

Congratulations on 600, Jim! Now keep working on the case for Cooperstown!

Varitek Celebrity Putt-Putt: Pictures!

2011-08-08T20:53:00.000-04:00

See? Told you I'd have them up by Monday. Not the greatest shots in the world, but they're something!

Unfortunately, the rest of them came out even blurrier... there was one of Tim Wakefield tickling Salty's daughter, but the quality was not up-to-par. Oh well. Never say I don't give you anything. Back to the game!

Another ND For Josh: But Beating Up On Mo Makes It Ok

2011-08-08T19:06:00.000-04:00

He was in control. He had his soul-shattering curveball. He had his electric fastball. He only allowed a single, paltry run in six innings, and yet again, Joshua walks away with nothing to show for it. Again, for the ninth time this season, Josh pitched his ass off and gets to watch someone else rack up a victory. This time, that other person was Daniel Bard.

Not to say that Daniel didn't deserve it. I fully appreciate the work Daniel did, but I'd love to see Josh get some stat-padding wins. But it's fine; I'm not going to dwell. Matt Albers and Franklin Morales both struggled in this one, and the Yankees picked up a lead almost the moment that Beckett came out of the game. Wheeler, Papelbon, and Bard, though... those three held the fort and I have zero complaints. Not allowing the Yankees to pad their lead gave the batters an opportunity to perform some magic.

In the 9th, Scutaro, Pretzels, and Munchkin worked together to steal away the game tying run from Mariano Rivera (the only Yankee I have even the tiniest shred of respect for) in the form of a sac fly. This was the only point in the game where the top of the order came through for us in this one. They're just lucky they saved their best for last when we needed it most.

Joe Girardi, who obviously confused last night for game seven of the ALCS, brought starter Phil Hughes into the game to replace Rivera in the 10th. Granted, Rivera blew the save, but he hadn't thrown a bunch of pitches, and in a tied game, don't you want your best pitcher on the mound? Obviously Joe does not. With one out, David Ortiz doubled and was instantly yanked from second in favor of Ronald. I will never complain about getting a little bit of speed in scoring position in the tenth inning. An intentional walk to Crawfish later, Reddick steps up to bat. One pitch later, he was cruising to first, McDonald was being called safe, and the Sox picked up their tenth win of the season against the Yankees.

We're staying positive in this one. I'm not going to complain about the lack of production from the top of the order or Tek's tough day at the plate. I'm remaining impressed by Beckett's badassery, thrilled with a Reddickulous walk-off, and overjoyed to hand the Yankees another series loss. All positives all the time.

Tonight, in about ten minutes, Tim Wakefield steps to the mound for his third attempt at win number 200. If I see any squandering on the part of our offense, I might fly to Minnesota in a Dustin Pedroia costume and take care of Minnesota myself. Timmy deserves this win. It's time to get it for him. Let's go, boys.

All Tied Up: Offense Eliminates Yankee Division Lead

2011-08-08T13:21:00.000-04:00

That's better. Sure, we may have been out of first place for a few hours, but the universe righted itself in a timely manner. I'll take a tie for first over a one game deficit any time, thank you. As much as it pains me to do this, I have to give Pretzels the majority of the credit for this win. Our snacky little centerfielder essentially destroyed Fatass all on his own, going 2-for-4 with six RBIs. Saturday marks the fourth time Fatass has lost to the Sox this season. Have we officially gotten into his head yet, or is it going to take another start?

Do I have to give Mudpie credit here? I really don't want to. In all honesty, saying anything nice about him makes me feel a little dirty. You know no matter well he may have pitched this time around, he's not deserving of the praise. So if I have to give Pretzels credit in this one, I'm going to withhold the Mudpie credit. I can't say nice things about both of them in the same entry. The universe would swallow itself. True story.

It took Fatass two innings to remember he was pitching to the Red Sox, but sure enough, he started handing over runs in the third. It started innocently enough. A sac fly from Pretzels. An RBI 2B from Munchkin. Suddenly, the Sox had a 2-0 lead. A sloppy inning, a double play, and a single in the fourth tied the game at 2 each, but the Sox weren't done with Fatass yet. The bottom of the fourth found a double from Youkilis, a single from new Red Sox that I haven't mentioned yet (welcome to Boston, Mike Aviles!), an RBI single from Crawfish, an RBI single from Scutaro, and to top it off, a 3-run home run from Pretzels. In case you lost count, that was five runs. Suddenly, it was 7-2 Sox, and the Yankees would never come close to matching the Sox offensive output... I mean, if you don't consider four to be close to seven.

Daniel Bard gave up an uncharacteristic home run in the 8th, making it 7-4 at the time, but the Sox poured on three more runs (big surprise, Pretzels was credited with two of those three) in the bottom half of said inning.

How exactly did we lose the sure-thing game on Friday and win the no-chance game on Saturday? Baseball is funny. Next up, Josh Beckett takes on Freddy "The Rock" Garcia. If you don't think he looks like The Rock, you're wrong. Gee, I can't imagine how this one will end. I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Lester Loses: Sox Fall Out Of First

2011-08-08T12:40:00.000-04:00

Stupid, right? Bartolo Colon, who by my account shouldn't actually be able to throw 96 mph anymore, got the better of Jon Lester? Did that really happen? Why did that happen? I don't approve.

I know Jon wasn't the best he's ever been. His one bad inning was pretty bad (for him), and it was just enough to do the team in. It started so promising, too. Jonny struck out three of the first four batters he faced. He would only collect four more strikeouts on the night, while allowing four walks. That's unlike him. If I recall correctly, there were a number of pitches he wasn't happy with, but he usually can make adjustments. It wasn't his best day, but I'll give him a pass because he's Jon Lester and I love him. Lately, he's been suffering the lack of run support just as badly as Josh has. Seems like the only guys that are getting run support are Miller and Lackey. Life isn't fair sometimes.

Ortiz had a solo shot in this one. The other run the boys posted was a collection of effort from Reddick, Scutaro and Pretzels. I know Reddick was forced out by Scutaro, who ended up scoring on Pretzels' double, but I would be remiss if I didn't give credit to our rookie. With the way Reddick is playing right now, does anyone miss JD Drew? Because I don't.

I guess if you want to take some positives away from this, Albers continues to be solid out of the 'pen... and it's not exactly like Jonny got lit up. The best part, though, is that I can recount the game without annoyance because I have the benefit of knowing what happened in the next two games. There's no need for me to get worked up about falling out of first place at all. I know, it's a charmed life. Next up, the shocking results of the Lackey/Sabathia matchup.... or, I guess by now it's not as shocking any more.

Fetus Bests Bedard: But I Still Love Fetus

2011-08-08T12:08:00.000-04:00

No, of course I didn't want Bedard to lose his Red Sox debut. While I did actually want Fetus to do well, I was hoping that the boys would pick up with the offense after he came out of the game. Little did I know that the offense wouldn't be the problem. Franklin Morales, on the other hand....

Franklin and I, we've had some disagreements in the past regarding how he should handle himself on the mound. He seems to think he should be allowed to surrender runs whenever he sees fit, and I think he should not. Ever. But we're different people and aren't always going to see eye-to-eye on stuff like this. For his, what? Ten minutes of effort? Mr. Morales was handed a well-deserved loss, negating what had been a delightful debut for Erik Bedard. Sorry about that, Erik. It's not always going to be bullpen implosions around here. I mean, sure, there will be times when your lead gets stripped away from you and you walk away with the Beckett special (the dreaded ND), but for the most part, your new bullpen will be good to you.

I'd get on Andrew Miller's case for pouring more fuel on the fire, but honestly, what's the point. On the offensive side of things, the boys weren't doing much with Fetus or his fellow pitchers. Aside from a 4th inning Reddick home run, the only other Boston RBI's were accumulated by Ernie and Papi in the first. They just didn't have anything going. I think the boys get overwhelmed looking toward the mound and seeing Fetus' happy little face. It's just not right. He's one of us! And where did that trade get us? Victor ditched us the minute he could, and Fetus is still piling up wins for Cleveland. Sure, I'd probably make the trade all over again. I'm just sad that he's not one of us anymore and I have a hard time letting go of stuff like that.

As usual, I'm behind on the blogging. I've got the whole Yankees series to review. Luckily for me, there's plenty of good to write about. Who doesn't like writing about beating the Yankees on a Monday afternoon? We just have to muddle through that one little loss first... but don't worry, we'll do it together.

200: Denied

2011-08-04T10:36:00.000-04:00

I'm all for walk-off wins. If I could use a word to describe walk-off wins, I think I'd go with spiffy. I toyed with using splendiferous, but I think I'll just play it safe and go with spiffy. Even when the walk-offs are being perpetrated by Pretzels, I enjoy them.

Before I go further with this thought, let me put in my two cents regarding Pretzels, since I enjoy being the contrarian so often. I still don't like him. I know he's like, the second coming of Ted Williams all of a sudden and everyone is back on the Jacoby bandwagon, pretending it's 2007 all over again, but I'm not buying it. You're not getting me on that bandwagon. It looks crowded, and I'm not that social. After giving it thirty seconds of thought, Pretzels has Kevin Cash syndrome. No matter what he does, no matter how well he plays, I won't like him, and I don't have a legitimate reason. With Cash, at least it was because he was replacing Mirabelli (a big no-no) and I'm ultra-protective of the catchers I love. Jacoby replaced Coco. I didn't love Coco.... I was ok with him toward the end, but I never loved him, so why am I so anti-Pretzels? I don't even want to like him. I guess it doesn't matter, but there will be no Jacoby-bandwagoning here, just the ocassional forced props when he does something well.

Now, onto Timmy. St. Timmy, like Commander Joshua before him, again gets no love from the offense. Oh, sure, they came through and won the game, but that win should have belonged to Tim, what with that quality start he posted and all. I don't know if they're aware, but it's currently August 4th, and we've got just about two months left to the regular season. Timmy still needs eight wins. That means he needs to win at least four wins per month. It's possible, but we need the whole team to rally together to get this done. Score the runs while Tim is on the mound, guys!

Tonight, in the series finale, Fetus takes on Erik Bedard, who will be making his Red Sox debut. I hate rooting against Fetus because.... well, because he's Fetus and I'm still a little in denial about him not being on the team any more, but I'm completely throwing my support behind Bedard in this one. He's got to be better than Miller, right?

....Right?

The No-Decision Epidemic: Beckett Again Gets No Support

2011-08-03T11:15:00.001-04:00

What is it about Josh Beckett that the offense refuses to support? Is it his grumpy demeanor? Is it the way he wears his facial hair to make himself look like he has a chin when he doesn't? Are they jealous of his fastball? What is it?! I want to know! Josh has eight no-decisions this season. Jon Lester has five (Sox lost four of those five... late inning bullpen implosions, you know), Mudpie has one (Monday's game, breaking up a string of 17 decisions in a row), and Wakey has four starts in which he didn't receive a decision (three which ended up being Sox wins). Of Josh's eight ND's, the Sox have gone on to win six of those games. Five out of those six were won by one run, the other was won by two runs.

If the Sox had managed to score those single runs while Josh was in the game, he'd be 15-4 right now. He'd have as many wins and fewer losses than Justin Verlander. He'd be one win shy of the major league lead for wins. Granted, he's pitched 40 innings fewer than Verlander (no, I don't want to discuss the league leader in wins, thank you), and I don't so much believe that he has a case for the Cy Young over Verlander, it would be nice if his wins accurately reflected how well he's pitched this year. Do you really think Josh is only worthy of nine wins? Apparently, his offense thinks so. It's a shame.

It was a shame last night. I know Beckett only went six innings in a rain delayed game, and I know he gave up two solo home runs, but didn't he deserve a win? Why do they wait till he's out of the game to score runs? I don't get it. Someone ask Pretzels why he couldn't drive in another run earlier in the game. How come no one could get on base ahead of Youk before he hit that home run? Why couldn't Tek single instead of striking out in the second? Why is it so hard to support our damn ace? Ok, I'll stop with the questions that can never be answered. It just bugs me.

What doesn't bug me, however, is winning the game. I like that the winning rally was sparked by Varitek. I think it was a fantastic decision to pull Tek out of the game and let Salty run for him (because those knees aint getting Jason anywhere fast, kids), and I think it was wonderful that Reddick and Pretzels didn't waste the Captain's efforts. Also, I like that Salty is faster than I thought. I like that Salty and Pretzels teamed up in an inning to make good things happen because I legitimately laugh out loud a little bit every time I think of Salty Pretzels (yeah, so what?!). See? There's plenty that I liked about the game. I'm not always unhappy with the results.

So, I'm setting a goal for the Sox. The next time Beckett is on the mound, I would like to see them score four runs. That's it. Just four while he's pitching. With the offense we have, four shouldn't be much to ask for, and I'm fairly confident that Josh could make four runs stand. It's not that lofty a goal, boys. Just try. For me?

Look at that, I'm all caught up! I may have slacked through July, but August is a new month. Maybe I'll write about our new acquisitions next. Or maybe I won't. I guess I'll have to wait and see what I decide to do.

Mudpie Deserves No Love: And That's Exactly What He'll Get From Me

2011-08-03T09:48:00.000-04:00

Damnit, Mudpie. Just damnit. You know, even though we had a lead and Mudpie had two good innings, I just never felt good about it. You know, because of who was pitching and all. Just... ugh. And to make matters worse, he let his sucktasticness spread to Bard. Me and Daniel Bard didn't quite see eye-to-eye a few times early on in the season. There were some moments where face-ripping gloves were needed, but in the last couple of months, I've had no complaints! Daniel and I were getting along just fine, and to be honest, I don't want to ruin the harmony we've had, so I have to blame Mudpie for this.

Mudpie left the game in the top of the seventh in a tied game. He had let the Indians take the lead in sixth, but Salty showed a little power and hit a two-run shot to tie it up for him. Not that he deserved it, but Salty was gracious with the run support. It stayed knotted up till the eighth, and then sad stuff happened.

You all know the story by now. Bard's scoreless streak, dating back to May 27th, had reached 26 1/3 innings. Solid, in-control pitching for more than two months. He comes into a Mudpie game and ends up surrendering what would be the winning runs in the form of a home run to Asdrubal Cabrera. Not for nothing, but Asdrubal is the worst name in the world, and based on that fact alone, he should not be allowed to hit home runs off of our solid set-up guy. It's not fair. There's no justice in that.

Am I being irrational? Absolutely. And it's not likely to stop. Because after Bard was infected by Lackey disease, Matt Albers caught it, too. I don't know if you've been paying attention to Albers, but he's another one who's been solid out of the pen. Prior to Monday night, Matt had not allowed a run since June 25th (13 1/3 innings). It's not quite the streak that Bard had, but it's impressive nonetheless. Look at the chain reaction Mudpie caused. Even these reliable bullpen guys could not protect themselves from the awesome sucktitude of John Lackey. Ridiculous.

Nothing in my being wants to discuss this game any more, especially when I know what happened last night. We've got happy thoughts coming our way, boys and girls. Happy thoughts in the form of Josh Beckett.

It's Wednesday: I'm Still Writing About The Weekend

2011-08-03T09:21:00.000-04:00

Does it count as slacking if I'm trying really hard to make up for lost time? Because I feel like I should get a little bit of credit here. Better late than never, right?

Thankfully, I'm wrapping up the weekend (finally!) and then we can move on to the two games that already happened this week. Don't look at me with that shame and disappointment in your eyes, I feel bad enough as it is. Today, we discuss Andrew Miller.

Andrew seems like a fine young fellow, to be sure. Potential. Velocity. But mostly potential. Location, on the other hand, is a constant problem. With an ERA now sitting at 5.36 and a WHIP of 1.884, Andrew doesn't instill a whole lot of confidence in me. Though his BAbip is a slightly high .341 (MLB average = .299) and we can probably expect the hits to come down a bit in the future, 51 hits in 40 innings is still scary. To top it off, his BB/K ratio is exactly 1.00. For every strikeout, he walks a guy. I watch his location. Too many times, where Tek is set up and where Andrew throws the ball is too far off for comfort. So what's with this guy? Is it bad luck or is it just a case of potential that cannot be realized? Detroit and Florida quit on him, so obviously he's the type of player that Theo wants to tap into because Theo knows that even in a tight pennant race (like, um, the one we're in), the talent level on the team will be able to compensate for acquisition mistakes. In other words, we have the luxury of being able to give him a chance to achieve said potential. This is a luxury that most teams do not have.

Take Sunday. Miller pitched 5.2 innings and came out of the game trailing by a run. He had an ok game. The hits (10) were a little outrageous for five plus innings, but he only allowed one walk and managed eight strikeouts. He was one third of an inning away from his first dictionary-definition quality start since July 2nd, but a high pitch count prohibited him from continuing on after Juan Pierre's sixth inning single. Luckily, behind him in the bullpen were Aceves, Bard, and Papelbon, who finished out the game by allowing only one additional hit between them. They gave the Sox a chance to come back and win the game. Our bullpen has been incredible this season. As has our offense.

A seventh-inning rally got Miller off the hook and made sure Aceves got the win for another fine job out of the pen. An additional run in the ninth made the lead a little more comfortable. Oh, did I mention that Tek hit a home run? Because I'm pretty sure that was my favorite part of the game. Again. Tek, love, well-documented, blah blah blah. I repeat myself a lot. I'm aware of this issue.

I'm glad the boys walked away with a win, but I'm still uncomfortable with the thought of Miller on the mound. He makes me nervous, and I don't enjoy being nervous. Unfortunately, the man who pitched Monday? He just makes me angry. I think the tone of my next post is going to be angry, and I apologize for that in advance. Sorry, guys.

Jonny Saves The Day: Because He Is Awesome

2011-08-02T15:11:00.000-04:00

I love Jon Lester. I've always loved Jon Lester, and watching him pitch well? That makes everything sunshine and rainbows. Believe it or not, I actually got to watch this one... which was good because I didn't get to see his first start back from the DL and I've missed seeing him. It was nice to have a night to myself that I could spend watching baseball.

There's a small nagging thought in the back of my mind every time Jon Lester starts a game that leaves me believing he'll throw a no-hitter. Without fail, every time he pitches, I get this thought, and there's always this moment of great disappointment when he gives up that first hit. At least in this one, the first hit got taken care of relatively early with a harmless second inning double so my delusions of no-hit goodness were dashed quickly and I could still enjoy a tremendously well-pitched game.... at least on our side.

To be fair, this was a tense game through four innings. Through four innings, only four baserunners had reached base (a double, a walk, and two singles)... and then there was the fifth inning where the Sox were able to put four on the board, giving Jon Lester the only run support he would need. Maybe if they had given some of those runs to Wakey, we could have won TWO games instead of one. Just saying. The fifth inning went like this: Crawford single, Salty double, Reddick single, Scutaro sac fly, Pretzels single, Munchkin sac fly, Ernie IBB, and Youkilis single. In one inning, we managed to exceed the previous offensive output for the game. I love when that happens. Only when it's in our favor, though.

The ninth was another one of those awesome innings, and the boys managed five more (yes, Scoots drove in an eighth inning run, but not important). Ernie and Youk went back-to-back with home run goodness. There were doubles, there were singles, and there was just good times all around. I'm a big fan of good times.

Man, so far behind. If I have time tomorrow, I'll write about my disappointment with Miller and (ugh!) Mudpie, and I'll wax poetic about how I think I'll react to Wake winning his 200th game, and ramble about how much I love Josh.... only if I have time, though.

No Chicago Salvation: A Bad Friday Night For Timmy and Munchkin

2011-08-02T13:10:00.000-04:00

That was stupid. Everything about Friday night's game was stupid, and I'm glad I didn't see the majority of it. As awful as it was of me, knowing that Tim was going for career win #200, I was on a date. I love Tim, and I support him fully (to the point that yes, I did wear my Tim Wakefield shirt on the date), but sometimes I have to miss a game. Lately, I've been missing quite a few of them. I need to get my gentleman caller hooked on baseball. Weird how I manage to find the one guy in Massachusetts that doesn't seem to care for sports.

I digress. I don't blame any of this loss on Tim. Perhaps I should, considering he did give up the three runs that were his ultimate demise in this game, but I don't want to blame him. I want to hug him and tell him it'll be alright and then smack everyone who was in the lineup for not supporting him. Why don't you guys love Tim? He's always supported you all! Do him a favor and let him get the win next time around, ok? Because him losing again because of inept bats is not something I'm comfortable with. Got it?! Jeez.

To further the suck for the evening, little MC Laser Show's hitting streak came to an end. They couldn't even give me that to hold on to, could they? Yes, I know Salty hit a home run, and I'm ultra-proud of him because I love when (most) catchers do well. I've always had a soft spot for catchers. I still wanted better for my Timmy. After all these years, they still can't manage regular run support for our veteran.

Luckily, Tim will get another chance. I'm so late posting last Friday's results that Tim actually gets his chance tomorrow. So you know what that means? That means today is Tim Wakefield's 45th birthday. Go celebrate today with a win, and make sure that he gets his 200th win as a belated birthday present tomorrow, boys. Happy birthday, Tim Wakefield!

Failfaces: Sox Split Royals Series

2011-07-29T09:32:00.000-04:00

That was majorly disappointing. I'm kind of glad I missed the end of that. Luckily, the Reel Big Fish concert I went to last night was not disappointing, and it didn't make me sad the way Beckett made me sad. So that's my advice for you all. When your favorite players disappoint you and make you sad or angry, go to a ska show. It'll make you feel better.

Man, my live event schedule is wearing me out. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I'm actually pretty happy that at the very least, Munchkin extended his hitting streak. It's a small victory, but it feels like a moral one. Josh was.... meh. At least we kept one good story line going. I enjoy when Pedroia extends the hitting streak via home runs. I also enjoy when the other hitters decide to hit, but I can't have it all every day, I guess.

Tonight, Timmy's on the mound. I'm rockin' my Wakefield shirt today (makes for great Friday date apparel!) and I'm feeling pretty good about our boys, even if they did lose. It's the ska music, guys. It brings good mojo. I'm not too old for ska music yet.

Damnit, I forgot those pictures again. I'm a slacker. Maybe tonight.... or tomorrow. Definitely by Monday.... you know, A Monday. Not necessarily the one coming up. What? Don't look at me like that. I've been busy.

Beckett For The Win?: Happy Thursday Liveblogging

2011-07-28T13:43:00.009-04:00

I already know I can promise you that if this game goes past 3:30, I'm putting a stop to the liveblogging because I've got a concert to go to tonight, and it's far away from where I am now. I make no promises that I will finish it later, but you guys will know what happens, won't you? You don't need me for that, you dedicated little fans. I both admire and respect your dedication. Alright, let's go!

*****

Top first! Hi Joshua. You're looking spiffy today. This is all assumption, since I'm GameDaying you, love. I just know that you're looking spiffy. That's how good I am. Another way I know you look spiffy? Fourteen pitch first inning. THAT is lovely. I love you, Josh.

Bottom first! Erm... Pretzels and MC, not quite the start I was hoping for. Thanks to Ernie for not going quietly into the second inning. Singles are better than nothing, people! I mean, it got us nowhere, but still better than nothing. Back to Josh!

*****

Top second! Boo, base hit. Josh! What happened?! Double play... all is well!

Bottom second! Oops, missed it. Bad, liveblogger!

*****

Top third! Look at that, three innings in the books and Joshua's only thrown 33 pitches. I like when that happens. Keep that pitch count low, darling!

Bottom third! Oh, Jason, with your singles and your thighs. You are pretty awesome. Things I also like: doubles from the rookies. Atta boy, Yamaico! Gameday isn't telling me what happened, but it's saying Pretzels is on first and there are no runners on second and third. Should I assume we have a 2-run lead? Yes, yes, I can assume that. Another single for Ernie, getting Pretzels to third with less than two outs. Youk, you better bring him home.

Youk, you fail. Papi? No? Ok, fine. At least we have a lead.

*****

Top fourth! Can I say it's an absolute travesty that John Lackey has as many wins as Joshua? Where is the justice in that? Apparently Josh didn't like the wait. Sweetheart, we do not walk the first batter we see after getting a lead. This is something you should know, but in case you forgot, there's your reminder. For next time. Double play, please. Or a strikeout. Damnit, Josh, stop wasting pitches! No, seriously, Josh, enough of the shit. You just walked two guys in a row. Is it because I made a Lackey comparison? You're an adult. Suck it up.

Wow. Ouch. Josh, if you were trying to hurt me, you win. That hurt. That's it, no more exclamation marks for you. I am boycotting the rest of this half inning, you jerk.

Bottom fourth! I'm pretty furious right now. What the hell just happened? Is this a nightmare? Because it feels like a nightmare! The offense hopefully still deserves the enthusiasm.

Oh, Reddick.... no, darling. That's not what I needed right now. Sutton? Can you help me out here? Ok, guess not. Tek, dearest... I love you, but I'm going to be mighty miffed if you don't get on base here. The thought is that you don't go down 1-2-3 after your starter has a really craptacular inning. Give him a chance to breathe, boys.

....and a little part of me dies. Ugh.

*****

Top fifth. Josh, just so you know, I've got Timlin on speed dial, and he's got a crossbow. Don't think that one good inning after a figurative punch to my jaw is going to make things cool between us again. It's a start, but you've hurt me and you have to work to fix this.

Bottom fifth! Munchkin, I like that you're on base, but it's the fifth inning. Can we get on with the hitting, please? Ugh. Fail. Angry, angry failing. Whatever, guys. I'm abandoning you in a few minutes anyway.

*****

Top sixth. Josh is still in this thing? Really? That's not fair. All the good times we've had can't be tainted by one bad inning that I blame Lackey for anyway, right? Right. I still love you, Josh, but... you know... the suckage should stop.

I read somewhere that Josh get the least amount of run support out of all of the starters. Josh also gives up a lot fewer runs that most of the starters, so he doesn't need as much help. Maybe he's tired of being underappreciated by his offense and this is his way of rebelling? He had the patented "Beckett Bad Fourth" just to show the guys that he needs run support, too. Believe me, I understand the need for run support, but putting yourself in a hole is no way to go about getting it. NEITHER IS WALKING PEOPLE! STOP THIS NONSENSE, JOSHUA PATRICK BECKETT! Look at this. You made me yell. Do you know how much it takes to make me yell? Actually, not that much, but stop it! Thank you.

Bottom sixth. Sorry, offense, you lost the exclamation points, too. I have nothing to be excited about regarding the way you've played today. Youk, I've got a really big problem with swinging at the first pitch when you so obviously can't handle it. Papi... please don't make me yell at you. Grounding out makes me want to yell at you. Reddick? Please? Something, guys. I've got to leave in five minutes. Do. Something. You... you think staring at three straight pitches counts as 'something?' Because it does not. Reddick, you've failed me. You've all failed me, and now I'm going to be sad at the concert. Way to go, Sox. Don't think I'm not going to follow up on this game later. You're spared the rest of my anger for now. JUST for now.

Midget King Strikes Again: Also, Papi Slams Royals

2011-07-28T09:01:00.000-04:00

Some days, it's really difficult to come up with a stupid title for my posts. Some days, I can stare at the blank little line for literally twenty minutes thinking "There is nothing worth turning into a title. Why is there nothing worth turning into a title?!" And then I get frustrated and write something stupid that leaves me shaking my head. Not today. Today we've got a plethora of highlights to go over. Hint: Two of them are mentioned in my title today. Alright, kids, take out your notebooks and get ready to take notes.

First off, let's start with the Lackey Pledge, a campaign of sorts bravely started in an effort to give Mudpie the warm fuzzies whenever he takes the Fenway mound. Lauren's got the right idea, and I encourage all of you to make your own version of the Lackey pledge and stick with it. Here's mine:

I, Jup, do solemnly pledge to only curse the name of John Lackey on occasions which he truly deserves the ridicule. These occasions, moments in which he has surpassed the 'Lackey Limit,' are still subject to cursing, threat-making, object-throwing, defenestration, and general unpleasantness. All other occasions are subject to quiet murmuring about how one John Lackey shouldn't be allowed to pitch with that face.

Pledge done. Even crappy pitchers deserve to not be pelted with tomatoes once in a while I guess.

Onto baseball! So Mudpie still sort of sucked, but I don't care because our offense showed up again, so we don't even have to discuss the pitching today! YAY! (Actually, boo, because I like pitching, but you know) To start... MC Laser Show at it again, extending that hitting streak to 24 games and spreading general badassery towards all aspects of his game. Another three hits, to go along with his four from last night. If I were an opposing pitcher, I'd be terrified of Pedroia right now. If only he had gotten that home run last night. Sigh.

In the 'ok fine, I'll give you credit' category, Pretzels also had a fine night at the plate, going 3-for-4 with a 1st inning lead-off home run, a walk to bring in a run, and a double. Pretzels, in case you did not know, is batting .325. And he's got 17 home runs. Aren't those two signs of the Apocalypse? I think they are. Keep an eye out for horsemen.

And then there's Papi. Our lovable big man only had one hit last night, but that hit was grand. Do you see where I'm going with this? Yes, a fourth inning grand slam. It was crushed, and if you didn't know it was out right off the bat, then you weren't paying attention. This, of course, is the best way to record your 1,000 RBI as a member of the Sox. 1,000 RBIs for Papi. The number's mindblowing if you think about it, and he joins a pretty elite club of Yaz, Teddy Ballgame, Jim Ed Rice, Dewey, and Bobby Doerr. I don't have a fun nickname for Bobby Doerr. Sorry. Think about how many of those RBIs were in critical moments... how many of them gave us leads, how many of them tied the game in late innings when we needed him the most. Just think of how many of them are against the Yankees. I love Ortiz, and all he has done for the Sox during his nine year career. Congratulations on 1,000 well-loved and very-appreciated RBIs, Papi.

More offensive 'props' (as the kids would say) to Ernie, whose three hits for the night brought his average up to .351. That's a pretty number, but it's about 49 points lower than I would like it to be. You've got two months, big guy. Get going on that, ok? Also, Youkilis stole a base. You literally do not see that every day. He now has 2 SB's for the season. Ronald and Yamaico each had a pair of hits. Production from the bottom of the order is important when your top three hitters are as hot as Pretzels, Munchkin, and Ernie. Offense is fun when it's coming from our guys.

This afternoon, in yet another attempt by the universe to keep me from witnessing the sheer glory of watching Beckett pitch, Josh will be taking on the guy that Lester threw the no-hitter against. Yup, Beckett vs. Hochevar. If I have time, I might live-blog... but I don't want to make any promises.

Speaking of promises, I completely forgot to put up those Celebrity Putt-Putt pictures. Will someone please remind me to post those when I get home?

Lucky Man: Offense Shows Up For Miller

2011-07-27T10:10:00.000-04:00

Andrew Miller, I hope you treated the entire starting lineup to a steak dinner last night. Wow. That was some bad pitching, Andrew. Truly bad. The location was way off of where Tek was setting up, and you weren't fooling anyone. The Kansas City Royals, though a fine young team, are 17 games under .500, and you couldn't make it out of the fourth inning without giving up nine hits and seven runs. And yet.... yet, you didn't lose. That is luck.

Or maybe it's not luck. Maybe it's talent. Not Miller's talent. No, everyone else's talent. Miller has the benefit of being on a very good offensive team. As a matter of fact, our boys were the top offensive team in the AL during the first half of the season. They made a game out of this shitshow, and they brought home a win for Aceves... you know, the guy who pitched 1/3rd of an inning less than Miller and managed to give up seven fewer runs? Yeah, that guy. He has been priceless to the Sox. There's no debate there.

Another guy who's been priceless basically for his entire career? Yep. The Muddy Chicken Laser Show Munchkin. Whatever you want to call him, he's irreplacable. Right now, our mighty midget is up to a 23 game hit streak and is impervious to superstition. Didn't he look like a twelve year old last night with no facial hair? I think it's precious. Regardless of what age MC Laser Show appears, he actually is a grown-up who can hit Major League pitching like nobody's business. Little guy was a home run short of the cycle last night, and his deep fly in his last at-bat looked like it had a chance. Oh well, another time.

Between the Chicken and Papi collecting eight hits, the love of my life had a solo home run in the seventh, keeping that batting average up to .235. Listen, .235 might be nothing worth writing home over, but for our elderly backup catcher, isn't that good enough? I think it is! And I'm always right... at least in my world.

Franklin Morales had another rough outing, giving up 2 runs in the ninth. I did specifically ask Franklin not to make a habit out of giving up runs. He may not have heard me, so I'll remind him: Franklin, I would appreciate if you did not make a habit out of giving up runs late in the game, ok? I know we had a comfortable lead, but 13-9 is honestly a little too close for comfort.... especially against the Royals.

I'm happy with the game. I am! I'm happy with MC Laser Show, and Papi, and Tek, and Aceves, and what the hell, let's give some credit to Albers because he's been solid. I'd like to see Andrew Miller locate better, and I think it's silly that we couldn't get a hit off of their outfielder, but it's fine. We'll be ready for him next time.

Tonight, Lackey tries to seal up at least a series tie against Bruce Chen. I have zero faith in Lackey, but you never know. He likes to pitch well when I'm not at the park, so he'll probably throw a no-hitter. And he'd do it to spite me.

Wake Wins 199: 185 With Sox

2011-07-25T15:18:00.001-04:00

On top of recording his 2,000th strikeout, making small children laugh, and being the happy grandfatherly face of the franchise since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, Tim is now one win away from #200. He's a mere eight wins away from that record that I talk about all the time. I cannot allow myself to imagine a scenario in which he does not reach this goal. He HAS TO get there, doesn't he? If it's not a law, it should be. Somebody get going on that, ok?

This one looked like it was going to get real ugly early with Timmy getting beat up pretty well in the first. He was lucky to only have given up two runs, and he was even luckier that his team wanted to score runs. The tiniest part of me feels bad for the Mariners, but we need every win we can get. Their first inning, two run lead lasted approximately five minutes, give or take a couple. Their rookie was NO mystery to the Sox in the first, who batted around and recorded five runs while barely breaking a sweat.

Get it? Because it was so fricken hot on Friday and Saturday and Sunday wasn't as bad? Comedic gold, I know. That's what they pay me for, ladies and gentleman.

Youkilis had a home run.... Pretzels, Crawford, Reddickulous, and Muddy Chicken all had doubles. Every starter in the lineup recorded a hit except Scutaro. MC, Papi, and Scoots are the only three starters who didn't have RBIs. Let's be honest for a minute... I don't want to recount every run, and you guys already know what happened, so you don't need to re-read it.

The highlights are that Wake got the win, Aceves continues to be priceless out of the pen, and no one died of dehydration on the field. It's a win for all, right? No, it's a win for Tim. Don't try to take his credit.

Tonight, we welcome back my boy Jonny Lester to face the Royals. I've missed Jonny.... but unfortunately I won't be able to watch the game. Someone should let me know how he looks out on the mound. My guess is 'awesome' but I don't want to show my prejudices just yet....

Joshua Wins: Tito Gets To 1,000

2011-07-25T13:28:00.000-04:00

Who better to have on the mound when you're going for your 1,000th win as a manager than JPB? Well, Pedro in his prime, of course, but since that was not available, we'll go with Josh. Wasn't Josh pretty on the mound Saturday? The hits may have been a little high, but the runs were low, and he recorded one strikeout for every hit surrendered. That's balance. Josh was well-balanced. And pretty. Did I mention pretty, because that's really high up there on the list. And by 'Beckett was pretty', I mean 'Beckett's fastball was pretty.... also, Josh is an attractive man, but definitely love the fastball.'

Despite being pretty with a delightful fastball, a pleasant changeup, and a lovely curveball, Josh walked off the field without a lead. A solo home run to My Carp to begin the seventh was the difference in the game when Josh finished up.... and then the offense took over.

It wasn't the most explosive rally we've ever seen in the seventh, but I will never turn my nose up at a three-run rally.... especially when that rally is started by a bases-empty, 2-out single from the love of my baseball life. Strangely enough, it was Pretzels again to do the damage and seal up the win for Josh. Munchkin and Ernie combined to distract David Pauley enough for the third run to score, and there's your offense.

At the end of the day, Josh picked up the win, lowered his ERA, and gave me a good reason to recap the game. Usually I get these recaps up early on Monday, and I'm only on Saturday's game. Man, I am dragging today. I wouldn't expect much better out of me tomorrow, though.

Up next, Tim Wakefield goes for win #199, and I miss everything after the fifth inning and I pretend that I knew what happened. Stay tuned!

Rock Bottom: Mariners Can't Beat Lackey. Why?

2011-07-25T11:01:00.000-04:00

Once again, Mudpie turns in a nice little pitching performance on a night that I am not in the park. What will it take to get him to pitch that well on a night that I'm at Fenway? Because let's face it, I already know that he'll probably be pitching the next game I go to, and I would like to see a win. Just giving you advanced warning, Mudpie, so you can have all the extra time to come up with new ways to disappoint me.

Offense is key though, people. Good pitching is important, but you can't win a game if you don't score any runs. Luckily, the offense brought some of their run producing bats and were able to get the job done on Friday. After Mudpie allowed a run in the first, Youkilis was able to get said run right back with an RBI single. Two innings later, Pretzels put us on top to stay with a solo home run. Is it weird to anyone else that he has 16 home runs? Why does he have 16 home runs? I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with that.

It looked like a nailbiter of a game with a one-run lead going into the bottom of the seventh... and then it almost turned into a laugher, and then it went back to save situation.... yeah, one of THOSE games. I wasn't entirely sure what my anxiety level was supposed to be by the time Pap came in for the ninth. A five-run seventh gave us a 7-1 lead (thanks largely to Ernie, Youkilis, and Papi), and then a 3-run Mariner home run cut that lead to 7-4. I will not fault Morales for the 3-run homer this time, but let's not make a habit of this, eh Franklin?

Besides, it didn't matter. It was still a relatively comfortable win for a majority of the time, especially with a nice clean inning from Pap. It's now three days later and I still haven't figured out what my anxiety level should be, so there's that. On to game two of the series!

500!: That's A Big Number

2011-07-22T08:37:00.000-04:00

Here's the deal.... I haven't been posting. I've been sitting on post #499 for pretty much the entire week because I was trying to come up with something fun and awesome for my 500th post. And you know what? I give up. I have no research projects or fun tirades to go on. So now we're back to the drivel. Hope you're all cool with that.

Actually, in the land of happiness and sunshine, I got to attend Jason Varitek's Celebrity Putt-Putt last evening. I dopishly said three words to Jason as I was photographed with him. I can't help myself... it's the thighs. They make me speechless. Around him, I am the ultimate fangirl and all I can do is giggle. He looked positively stunning in his purple golf shirt, folks.

I also spent a significant amount of time standing near Joshua Patrick. I was behind the guard rail, so I didn't get to, you know, talk to him. He didn't acknowledge most of the folks outside of the guard rail. But I snapped a bunch of fancy pictures of him in which he looks completely possessed. Josh might be the devil. Just putting that out there. I'm ok with it, though.

I saw Salty holding a small child who I will presume is his daughter. Tim Wakefield had her giggling because he kept reaching over to tickle her. I'd like to believe that Wakefield tickles everyone. It seems like a very grandfatherish thing to do, and he should be grandfatherish. It was pretty adorable.

I was lead to believe that Lester, Youk, and Ernie were going to be at this event. I didn't see any of them, but I did get stuck staring at Lackey. Who let him out of his cage, huh? I demand my money back. Now he's trying to ruin non-baseball games for me, and I don't think that's acceptable.

I'll try to put a couple of pictures up later if I remember... and I will edit them into this entry and delete this paragraph so it looks like it all went up together seamlessly. And that's that. Five hundred posts. Thanks to all you nice people who keep coming back to read my ramblings!

The Muddy Chicken?: What The Heck Did I Miss?

2011-07-18T12:42:00.000-04:00

I have neglected my blogging duties for the past week or so. I did not stop watching the games, but I decided to have my own little All-Star Break. It was well-deserved. I've never blogged so much in my life as I have so far this season. I'm out of blog-shape, and my fingers needed a while to recover. But I'm back! You can't get rid of me that easily.

Unfortunately, the one game I didn't get to watch since the ASB was last night's game. I want to know how Pedroia got the nickname The Muddy Chicken. I demand to know this information. Whoever provides me with said information will win a lifetime supply of my gratitude. It's priceless, people. Once in a lifetime opportunity!

Sixteen innings, huh? Apparently the game ended at 1:56 AM. Had I known that it was still going on, I would have listened on the radio as I drove home at 1 AM. How was I supposed to know that there would be minimal offense heading into the 16th inning? I was preoccupied. With Josh on the mound, I didn't expect much offense out of the Rays, but I sort of expected something out of our boys. Another 8 inning, 1 hit performance vs the Rays for Joshua. Where was this Josh during the Phillies series? You know what? I don't even care, as long as his knee stays normally extended. But after Josh, Bard, Albers, Morales, Aceves, AND Papelbon had to work, so we're looking at a pretty tired bullpen tonight. Them's the breaks, I guess. Seriously nice work by Aceves, though. That guy seems to step up big time when we need him. Cookies for Aceves!

But it's Pedroia... our little Munchkin.... our spark plug that zapped all of the energy from the Rays and let Sox fans to go sleep happy. Not that he needed to add "16th Inning Hero" to his list of accomplishments, because I'm not so sure that ego can fit into Fenway any more, but I'll take it anyway. I mean, what more can I say? Kudos to both teams for bringing each other to the brink of exhaustion and destruction? Next time, wrap it up in nine, please? Both teams rocked last night/this morning... it just so happened that Munchkin, as usual, rocked a little bit harder. End of story.

Wake tonight, going for win 185. I believe in Timmy.

Winning For Weiland: Wild Weekend Winds Down

2011-07-11T09:18:00.001-04:00

I was wondering how many 'w's I could fit in my title and still have it make some kind of sense. The answer was six. Go ahead and count if you don't believe me.

This was another insane, weird game. Our rookie pitcher gets ejected in the fifth inning for hitting a batter? Umps, come on. I know you had warned the benches in an effort to avoid any more brawling, but the kid was a rookie who had already given up six runs. Do you really think he did that intentionally? I think nerves and a lack of command were more the culprits than intention, don't you? Oh, you don't? That's why you ejected the itty bitty baby pitcher from his first major league start before he could finish the fifth inning in a game where his team had literally just gotten him the lead and he would have been in line for his first big league win? I see. Alright then.

The second inning was a little... eh, we'll go with shaky. It wasn't all Weiland (whose name gives me an overwhelming urge to call him Scott, much like the front man of the Stone Temple Pilots, but I digress); the fielding was pretty shaky. I'm not blaming anyone in particular for the six runs in the second inning, but I don't think Kyle was as bad as the box score shows. There were some nerves, there were some badly played balls, and there was some pretty crummy luck. I hope he can bounce back from this because I did see some promise for him.

And, oh, offense. I'm surprised Showalter's boys didn't hit more of our batters after we scored that eighth run off of them. I know their kid, Gonzalez, threw behind Papi, but David kept his cool and Mike Gonzalez got ejected. That was a stupid play. Your team is losing in a close game, and you're going to get ejected because what? You want to keep trying to make that point that no one else on the Orioles has been able to make? Like David said, "Situations happen. I guess people make their own decisions, so whatever." Whatever is right, Papi.

Oh yeah, offense. That's what I started writing about. Down 6-2 heading to the bottom of the second, Scutaro and Munchkin both hit solo shots, and Youkilis hit a 2-run shot to tie it up. Guthrie, now pitching for the O's, walked Papi to force in the winning run in the 4th. Pretzels added an RBI single in the seventh, and that would do it for the scoring.

Other props to Alfredo Aceves, who earned the win after Weiland came out of the game. He tossed three innings of no-hit ball, then Bard and Paps closed it out. And that was that. In four games, we outscored the O's 32-13? I think that sounds right. Way to show us who's boss, Orioles.

Lackey Doesn't Suck: But Only When I'm Not At The Park

2011-07-11T08:46:00.000-04:00

Is it petty of me to be a little annoyed that he pitched so well? I mean, I know it was the Orioles and all, but I've been in attendance for the two starts at Fenway prior to this, and he was atrocious. Knowing that he's CAPABLE of pitching that well makes me angry that he doesn't do it when I'm wasting my money. /bitterness.... but not really.

Good ol' Buck Showalter... oh man, you and your team need to calm yourselves. Honestly, trash talking with nothing to back it up makes you look really bad. This is what Show had to say about Lackey after the game:

"I thought the key was we didn't do much against Lackey, and it seems like a lot of the American League has," said O's manager Buck Showatler. "So hats off to him, but we expected a little bit offensive output tonight."

That just reeks of bitchiness, doesn't it? Am I reading this wrong, or did he essentially say that everyone knows Mudpie sucks and he's surprised they didn't score a ton of runs off of him? Buck, he might be Lackey, but you're still the Orioles! Get back in the basement and be quiet, ok?

We gave them a chance. The offense didn't explode for eight runs in the first again. We scored less than eight runs in the entire game, and we gave them Mudpie to tee off on, but they couldn't. They couldn't do anything with Mudpie, or Bard, or Papelbon. Our offensive contribution for the night was a triple and four doubles, three of which scored runs. Pretzels tripled while Youkilis, Reddick, and Munchkin doubled. We were nice enough to keep the ball in the yard.

I feel like this post has taken a very snarky, anti-Orioles turn. Again, I'm not anti-Orioles. I love the Orioles. Really, I'm just anti-Kevin Gregg and anti-Buck Showalter running his mouth about how much he hates the Red Sox. Also, I take offense to his comments about Mudpie. Weird, right? It's sort of like, I can say anything I want about my family and that's fine, because they're my family, but you are NOT allowed to talk negatively about them. I never EVER thought I would compare Mudpie to a member of my family. I must not be feeling well. I think I'm going to lie down...

Friday Fight Night: Fights, Injuries, and Smack Talk

2011-07-11T08:24:00.000-04:00

2010, haunt me no more! Leave me to my new baseball season! I told you before, it's not going to work between us. You're hurting the people I love just to get my attention, but it's never going to happen. We're never getting back together, so it's time for you to go. I've got a new season now, and we're pretty happy. You need to leave me alone.

Dahmer... Lester... Beckett. All injured. This is nightmarical. Nightmarical is the only word that properly describes having Lackey as the only starter left in your rotation. Terrifying isn't a strong enough sentiment; it's got to be nightmarical.

Thank God we were only playing the Orioles, so even with Josh out of the game, we had nothing to worry about. That's right, Kevin Gregg, your team actually sucks. So make whatever point you were trying to make by throwing at Papi. At the end of the day, you just looked like a jackass and your team still got whupped to the tune of 10-3. Yup, in two nights, the Sox outscored you 20-7, so the tough guy act is really adorable, but why don't you try actually winning games instead? Oh, you can't? You mean you're a no-talent hack who has been on five teams in the last six seasons and sports a career ERA of 4, and the only team left willing to let you implode in their bullpen was the Orioles? Also, it's not YOUR job to tell anyone else how to play the game... it's YOUR job to throw the ball and get outs. Can't see to do that, though, can you? Nice work though, Kevin, because this is the probably the last time you will ever be relevant in your career, so enjoy the attention.

It was insanity. Gregg is lucky that Papi didn't land that big hook he threw at him. I don't remember seeing David that fired up. He's a scary guy when he's angry. And seeing Marco Scutaro jumping on Gregg, only to be flipped around like a hula hoop? Priceless. Having Reddick make the third out of the inning because he abandoned third base to join the ruckus? Craziness. When's the last time we saw that happen? And what the heck did Salty do to get ejected?! Either way, this is probably the last I'll write about the fight, because Ortiz wasn't proud of it and I don't want to harp on something he wasn't proud of. Instead, let's harp on the offense!

Eight runs in the first inning. Yessir, eight. Five guys (not the burger joint) recorded RBIs in the first. Those fine gentlemen were Youkilis, Ortiz (on a home run... I guess if I were the Orioles, I would have been a bit miffed by him also), McDonald, Pretzels, and Ernie. There was a lot of sloppy Orioles fielding in there. My shortstop, JJ Hardy, looked pretty bad... but it's ok because I still love him. The O's starter didn't even last the inning, getting pulled with two outs. Do I feel pity for him? NO! You never pity the enemy, friends, even if you do sort of love them. Pity is for the weak!

Joshua got a little sloppy in the fifth, and then our loose-jointed starter gave up three runs, hyperextended his knee, and STILL managed to finish the inning without allowing five more runs. Weird how good pitchers can do that. I hope he's as ok as he claims to be because too much time without seeing Josh makes me grumpy. And nobody likes me when I'm grumpy.

The Sox tacked on two more, one on a sixth inning Pedroia home run, and the other on an eighth inning Reddickulous triple that scored said Munchkin... right before the fireworks. Yeah, crazy game alright... but we still won. Next up, the horrible reality that is John Lackey against the saddest team in the AL East. Nightmarical, right? Definitely.

I Sort Of Love The Orioles: Also, The Rays Right Now.

2011-07-08T08:17:00.000-04:00

That's not me being obnoxious or sarcastic. I legitimately sort of love the Orioles. They're like my backup team. I know, the general rule is one favorite from the AL, one favorite from the NL but I just kind of have a soft spot for them. They've got a beautiful ball park in a beautiful city, and they tend to get at least a few players that I like (MILLAR!) once in a while. I like going to Camden Yards even when the Sox aren't playing there. The Orioles are just kind of delightful.

Also, right now, it doesn't hurt them that they feature my coveted shortstop and they let us win to get back to the top of the division before the ASB. Us being number one is also why I sort of love the Rays. That affection will fade quickly, because I don't enjoy the Rays in any capacity when they aren't doing something to positively effect my team.

I'm also a huge fan of my team hitting six home runs in a single night, with three that went back-to-back-to-back (nice work, Papi, Reddickulous, and Salty) because that generally means that I don't have to worry about who's coming out of the bullpen. Keep in mind, I still shut the game off when Jenks came in. I had to, for the sake of my own sanity, not watch him. It would have ruined the delightful glow of home run hitting that the game had going for it. Aside from the B-2-B-2-B HR's, Pedroia also took one completely out of the park over the monster, Pretzels hit his second in two days, and Ernie showed everyone that he was just fine with a solo shot of his own. All those homers and an RBI groundout from Drew, and your final score is 10-4 Sox, America.

The offense saved Andrew Miller from his first loss. He had a bit of a rough night, with his pitch count rising very high early on. He only made it through five, and he walked more (4) than he allowed hits (3), but he was still able to come away with the win. I enjoy the offense when they pick up the kid pitchers on bad nights. It's good for all involved... except the opposing team, I guess.

Beckett vs. Britton tonight. I'm sure you know who I have my hypothetical money on.

Punchy Sort of Week: Cookies and Spine Punches For Jays Series

2011-07-07T09:04:00.000-04:00

He looks ready for spine punches, don't you think?

I've been really good about not having Timlin punch many spines lately. It's part of my effort to be more positive about baseball in general, and I think it's going well. This week, though? A couple of punches need to be distributed. It's only fair. But don't worry, because there are plenty of cookies to hand out, too!

As a side note, I'm kind of surprised I'm still doing this. I'm way beyond my typical two-weeks-before-boredom mark. Oh well! Let's hand 'em out!

Varitek - 70 cookies - plus five for blocking the plate (I guess? Maybe?) and driving in one of our three RBIs in game 2.
Munchkin - 43 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus 2 for his GM 2 home run. Chicks dig the long ball, guys.
Wakefield - 37 cookies - plus six for career win #198, Sox career win #184
Papi - 35 cookies - plus 2 for the double that started the game 2 mini-rally.
Beckett - 30 cookies
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Youk - 23 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch
Drew - 16 cookies - plus two for driving in a run in Gm 2
Lester - 14 cookies - plus three so his injury heals faster. Also for having a no-hitter for a couple of innings.
Tito - 12 cookies, one Timlin spine punch
Ellsbury - 11 cookies - plus five for having a great game 3.
Crawford - 10 cookies
Ernie - 10 cookies
Dahmer - 8 cookies
Salty - 7 cookies, 2 spine punches - plus one for a game 1 triple
Dan Wheeler - 7 cookies - plus six for crucial clean innings after the Lackey fiasco in game one.
Aceves - 6 cookies
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Lowrider - 3 cookies
Paps - 2 cookies, 2 Timlin spine punch - plus one spine punch and minus two cookies for two really bad performances in a row.
Matt Albers - 2 cookies for pitching in after the Lester injury
Franklin Moralez - 2 cookies for the same reason as Albers
Daniel Bard - 2 cookies.... see above.
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Yamaico Navarro - 1 cookie
Lackey - -14 cookies, 3 spine punches - plus three spine punches because HE SUCKS.
Jenks - 3 Timlin spine punches

Soggy Pretzels: Jacoby Excels In Rainy Game

2011-07-07T08:14:00.000-04:00

I give Pretzels a lot of grief. I call him soft and claim that half of his body is made of marshmallows. I constantly berate him for being an overrated fielder and yell at his image on my TV that he's useless if he's not stealing bases. I am not nice to Pretzels. I don't have to be, and I'm not going to change. But today? Today he gets a break from the abuse, because he had one hell of a game last night, and I am not above giving him credit when he earns it. He went 3-for-5 (including his third lead-off home run of the season), stole a base, and played pretty solid defense.... even if his best play of the night didn't count because the umpires are ridiculous and didn't bother to let anyone know that time had been called. It's a shame. His catch against the wall, and pinpoint accurate throw back into the infield was delightful. It should have counted. Well played, Pretzels.

The other story was Grandfather Tim(e) himself. Yes, Timothy notched career win #198, improved his record to 5-3, and put in a quality start by all definitions of the term. More importantly to me, he got Red Sox career win #184, putting him in a position where he only needs eight more wins to tie Cy, and nine more wins to move passed him... and that other guy who I don't like to talk about. I want to see him in sole possession of that record when it's all said and done. Nine more wins... two and a half months left to the season. Does he have nine more wins in him this season? Better yet, will he have enough starts to try to earn those nine wins? If my bake sale plan goes through, he will. We just have to get John Lackey out of the rotation so we can keep Wakefield in. Right now, between the two of them, it's an absolute no-brainer who deserves the job.

Overall, it was a pretty decent offensive night. Ricky Romero has his problems with the Sox, and he just can't seem to shake them, but I'm not complaining. Everyone in the starting lineup had a hit, except Ortiz and Scutaro... who could easily be replaced with JJ Hardy. It's just an observation. Hardy is trade bait right now. Back on point, it's nice to score six runs on a night that Ernie is riding the pine with a sore neck. I will not bemoan him the day off as he has played in every game this season up until last night. I mean, sure, the ASB starts in four days... but no bemoaning here. Navarro, Ronald, and Youkilis combined to put as many RBIs on the board as Pretzels put up himself (3), and we had a nice three-run cushion heading into the ninth inning... only after sitting through a 40-minute rain delay. What's a game without a rain delay or two?

But oh, Papelbon. It seems you have the same problem with the Jays that Romero has with the Sox. You see them in the opposing dugout and you start to suck. It's a terrible affliction, and I suggest therapy to get over it. Paps had me holding my breath and cursing his name at the same time. I think there might have been an armageddon if he had blown this game, because I'm really rooting hard for every possible Wakefield win. Every single one, Paps. So just a friendly suggestion... you might want to pull your sucky shenanigans on other pitchers. Like Lackey. He doesn't ever deserve to win anyway. I guess you could try pulling that on Beckett, but I assume he'd put an end to that pretty quickly on his own. If Dice ever pitches another major league game, pull your garbage on him. But not Tim. You leave Tim's leads alone, y'hear? He's got milestones to reach!

Mike Cameron: Marlin

2011-07-06T12:16:00.000-04:00

And just like that, it's over. After being designated for assigment by the Sox just a few days ago, Mike Cameron has been traded to the Florida Marlins for cash or the dreaded PTBNL.

I really do wish him well. He always had a smile on his face, whether he was hitting or not, whether he got playing time or not. It had to hurt watching them trot JD Drew out there, knowing that he was a better fielder and had the potential to be a better hitter. He handled it with grace. I hope he gets more playing time with the Marlins than he did with us. Good luck, Mike! Keep smiling!

In other matters... Theo, I need a favor. I don't know if you could actually get this done, but I promise to stop bitching at you at LEAST until the end of the season (maybe longer!) if you could at least try. Are you listening? Good!

So Theo... rumor has it that my coveted shortstop, JJ Hardy, is on the trading block. I want him on my team. You OWE me this, because you took Gonzo away from me TWICE! TWICE, THEO! Do you know how painful it was for me to see him leave twice? Damn near broke my heart. I'm asking nicely. Please try. Make an effort. I want Hardy between second and third by August 1st. I don't think it's much to ask. Do you? No. You don't. Thanks in advance!

No, Jonny, NOOOOOO!: Sox Win Despite Lester's Injury

2011-07-06T08:09:00.000-04:00

Jonny Bear, how could you!? How could you strain your left lat and come out of a no-hitter before I even got home? I know I was a lot later than usual and I should have been there to watch you, but you knew I'd be there. Oh God, this is all my fault, isn't it?!

Faux melodramatics aside... I am kind of worried about Jon being injured. See, we sort of need him. Unlike the OTHER starter with the initials JL, THIS JL is actually important to the team. I just hope that with rest and the ASB coming up, Jon won't miss too much time, because honestly... we need him. A lot. Our left-handed Beckett. Our co-ace. Our no-hit hero. Am I pushing this too far? I don't care. He's vital. I love Jon.

Papelbon, on the other hand.... oh man. Jonathan, I seriously hope you took Tek and Ronald out for as much alcohol as their livers could handle, because they saved your dancing ass. With two out, two on, and two runs already in, Paps allowed a single to left. Encarnacion came running home. Ronald shot that ball back in to Tek like it was his job, and Tek blocked the plate and somehow by the grace of all that is holy, got the out at home. I know that John Farrel doesn't think Tek made the tag, but John? You're not in Boston any more. No one cares what you think. I barely cared what you thought while you were here. Since baseball refuses instant replay, you have to live with the call. To me, all biases aside, I thought he made the tag. Maybe I saw it wrong. Who knows? It was two great plays to cover up some crappy pitching from our closer. Jonathan, though, was the only pitcher out of the pen who had a bad night. Matt Albers, Franklin Morales, and Daniel Bard were all fantastic, stepping up huge when we needed them. Cookies are coming to you three. Just be patient.

So how did we score our three runs? Let me tell you a story....

Once upon a time in the magical land of Fenway, the mighty giant David stood on second base. Our hero, Captain Varitek saw him stranded in a sea of blue and cast a spell that made the little white orb that held mighty David at second fly into left field. David ran home safely and Captain Tek replaced him on the base. Seeing that the Captain was now stuck, the oft-injured JD The Broken took it upon himself to save Varitek from the curse of the white orb. He also sent the ball flying, this time to right, and the Captain was free to return home. Then one inning later, the Mighty Midget hit a home run, and that's your story, kids. Go to bed.

Yes, I know it's not even 8 AM, go to bed anyway. No? Well, you WERE good in listening to the story. I'll reward you with some lovely pictures of the Captain from Monday's game. Just three. I wouldn't want to spoil your appetite. Here you go.

You're welcome.

Happiness Assassin: John Lackey Destroys Another Nice Day

2011-07-05T10:47:00.000-04:00

John Lackey is horrible.

Everything about him is repulsive. His pitching, his attitude, his smarm. Oh yes, he's smarmy. It's digusting. It's at the point that when I have tickets to game Lackey is scheduled to pitch, as I did yesterday, I strongly consider selling them because I know Lackey is going to suck, and I'm going to have wasted money to watch him suck. He never lets me down in that aspect. For my second trip to Fenway in a row, I've been stuck watching the shitshow that is John Lackey. My friend Amy and I set a "Lackey Limit" before each of his starts. We decide how many runs he can allow in how many innings before we give up and go to Game On! to drink away the memories before they fully form and become permanent. Yesterday's Lackey limit was set at 8 runs in 4 innings. It was a reasonable limit, I thought. Thankfully, Tito didn't let him get that far, and Amy and I were able to stay for the whole game. Don't get me wrong, he was close. One more batter and he would have reached that limit, I'm sure of it. Nobody likes you, John Lackey. Do the right thing, give back your paycheck and retire because you are flat out stealing from the good people of Boston. You horrible troll man.

The Sox did try to rally. They cut the deficit to two runs. The bullpen pitched well, but we can't expect them to completely shut down a team for six and two thirds innings. I mean, the rest of the team did everything they could to catch up, but the hole Lackey put them in was too deep. Because he sucks. I'm not kidding, even if he doesn't need Tommy John surgery, can't the Sox just force him to get it anyway? Please?

Dan Wheeler was fantastic. He gets loads of credit in my book for going out there and throwing almost three innings of scoreless baseball. Pretzels and Salty (side note - haha, salty pretzels) both tripled in runs and tried their hardest to tie it up. Unfortunately, we ran out of magic with Pretzels on second in the ninth with nobody out. Francisco proceeded to strike out Munchkin, Ernie, and Navarro (all three swinging... at least they didn't stare at strike three, so credit there, too) to end the game and to send us all home sad. Valiant effort, but it fell just short.

And it's all John Lackey's fault.

A brief discussion about Lackey over at Lauren's blog (Too Soxy for my Shirt... click the link. DO IT!), I've decided that John Lackey will be called Mudpie from now on. Because he is dirty and gross and unpleasant and he stinks. All. The. Time. And I'm just hoping that the Red Sox do the right thing and give me reason to not have to ever write about Mudpie again.

Hey Now: You're An All-Star

2011-07-05T10:28:00.000-04:00

Get your game on, go play. I'm talking to you, Papi. And you, Ernie, And definitely you, Joshua Patrick. And sort of you, Pretzels.

Sorry, I know... I really like my outdated references. I just can't help myself! It's a sickness. If I ever make a relevant reference, I might be scared. But don't you think Smash Mouth deserves a shout-out on a baseball blog around the All-Star break every once in a while? I do.

The rosters are now almost set, and your starting fielders for the silly, useless game are as follows:

C Alex Avila Tigers
1B Adrian Gonzalez Red Sox
2B Robinson Cano Yankees
3B Alex Rodriguez Yankees
SS Derek Jeter Yankees
OF Jose Bautista Blue Jays
OF Curtis Granderson Yankees
OF Josh Hamilton Rangers
DH David Ortiz Red Sox

I love that Alex Avila made the cut, because he DESERVES to be there. As much as I can't stand Cano, I guess I can justify him being there. Even A-Rod. I can't stand him, but I can't deny he's talented... even if that talent was delivered to him via syringe. But this isn't about steroids. I don't even care about steroids or A-Rod, or Cano. No, what really really boils my blood is Jeter's inclusion. Shame on you, everyone who voted for him just because his name is Derek Jeter. He's an awful shortstop, and he can no longer hit. He's no longer an elite player. He's marginal at best, and that's only with a bat. On the field, he's one step from being inept. All-star? Are you kidding me? He's getting close to not even being a starter. Shameful. And THAT is why I don't vote for the All Star game, because no matter how many times I vote, Jeter still gets in. It's less of an honor for everyone else knowing that Jeter is there.

Guys, Jeter sucks. It's true. He didn't always suck, but he does now, and it's time to accept it!

Anyway, I'm happy to see Bautista going, because again, he deserves it. I think Granderson's resurgence with the Yankees is a little suspect, and I don't like him, so I don't want him there. And Josh Hamilton is a drug-abusing, lying fraud and I will always root against him. So there's that. As for the other players from the AL that made it, I'll let MLB.com tell you about that:

The AL pitching staff consists of: starters Josh Beckett (Red Sox), Gio Gonzalez (Athletics), Felix Hernandez (Mariners), David Price (Rays), James Shields (Rays), Justin Verlander (Tigers), Jered Weaver (Angels) and C.J. Wilson (Rangers); and relievers Aaron Crow (Royals), Brandon League (Mariners), Chris Perez (Indians), Mariano Rivera (Yankees) and Jose Valverde (Tigers).

And the backup position players are: catchers Russell Martin (Yankees) and Matt Wieters (Orioles); infielders Adrian Beltre (Rangers), Asdrubal Cabrera (Indians), Miguel Cabrera (Tigers) and Howard Kendrick (Angels); outfielders Michael Cuddyer (Twins), Jacoby Ellsbury (Red Sox), Matt Joyce (Rays) and Carlos Quentin (White Sox); and DH Michael Young (Rangers).

I haven't yet seen news of who the starting pitcher will be, but I don't think that any one of those pitchers would be a bad choice. And can I just say, I'm going to miss seeing Ichiro at the ASG? I can? Good.

I'm going to miss seeing Ichiro at the ASG.

Also, in case anyone cares, the AL team for the Home Run Derby will consist of last year's champion, David Ortiz, as the captain and Jose Bautista and Adrian Gonzalez as.... well, his crew, I guess. A captain's got to have a crew. Good lord, I have been writing a LOT this morning. Nervous energy, I guess.

Texas Cookies: Rewards For A Good Weekend

2011-07-05T10:00:00.000-04:00

I've given Timlin the weekend off from his spine-punching duties. He's had to work pretty hard lately, so I figure the least I could do is not have him punch spines after a sweep. Unfortunately, I already know that after the Jays series, he's going to be right back to work.

Jason is still way WAY in the lead, and it doesn't look like he's going to relinquish that lead any time soon. I promised right from the start that I would be biased toward him, so don't act surprised.

Varitek - 65 cookies - plus six for his efforts in game three
Munchkin - 41 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus three for game 1 RBIs
Papi - 33 cookies
Wakefield - 31 cookies
Beckett - 30 cookies - plus six for finishing the sweep
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Youk - 23 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch - plus six for playing effectively through an injured ankle
Drew - 14 cookies
Tito - 12 cookies, one Timlin spine punch
Lester - 11 cookies
Crawford - 10 cookies
Ernie - 10 cookies - plus 3 for game 1 RBIs
Dahmer - 8 cookies
Aceves - 6 cookies
Ellsbury - 6 cookies
Salty - 6 cookies, 2 spine punches
Paps - 4 cookies, 1 Timlin spine punch
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Lowrider - 3 cookies
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Dan Wheeler - 1 cookie
Yamaico Navarro - 1 cookie for his first ML home run
Lackey - -14 cookies
Jenks - 3 Timlin spine punches

Beckett: Swoon.

2011-07-05T09:05:00.000-04:00

That's all I have to say about Josh. He didn't swoon; he makes me swoon with his pitches and his grumpiness and his lack of chin. For people like Posada, it's laughable, but it works for Beckett. He uses the facial hair well to craft a shadow chin. Now that I've established how much I love Josh, I will be up front and say I haven't watched this game yet. I pretty much haven't been home for two days, so I recorded it, but I didn't get to see it yet. Don't tell me what happened, guys. I want to see it for myself.

I knew we won, and I knew the final score, but I don't know how that score happened, so I'm going to live-blog my reaction to going over the recap of the game! Let's go!

Ok, my initial reaction is that they need to find a picture of Josh that doesn't make him look constipated. I know it's his pitching face, but I think a picture of the scowl would work just as well, don't you? How about a stare-down? Josh likes to stare. I've seen him do it. There are so many better pictures of our little All-Star. I know! I have about a hundred of them. Alright, let me move passed the picture in the front and check the box. Huh. Each team had six hits? Before scrolling down, I can see that since Joshy got the win, and the Sox didn't score the winning run till the ninth inning, he must have stayed in the game a good long while.... but we'll get there. I want to look at the hitters' stats first.

Youk is the only one credited with an RBI? There must have been a double play in there somewhere. That's slightly irksome, but nothing I can do about it now. Let's see... two hits for Pretzels... oh yeah, that's what I'm calling Ellsbury from now on since he's made of pretzels and marshmallows. I didn't want to forget, because I'm going to stop using CRW. It's all Pretzels from here on out! Anyway, Munchkin was on base three times (one hit, two walks), Ernie also walked twice. Ooh! Tek got a hit. That's pretty awesome. I feel like his batting average has been respectable for an aging backup catcher, don't you? He's getting a hit once every four at-bats. You can't argue with that math. Hey, apparently that hit was a double! That's pretty cool. Showing some power there, Jason? Nice.

Let's move on to pitching. Oh, Joshua, look at your line! It's beautiful! 8 IP 5H 1ER 0BB 11K? That's just fantastic. There are cookies in your future, dearest. Chocolate chip bacon cookies. You seem like you'd enjoy them, and trust me, they're pretty darn good. Paps seems to have had a nice inning too, but I'm not going to give him cookies because I don't want to. I love how I am completely ignoring the Astros' side of the stat page. It doesn't hold any relevance for me.

Now a quick visit to the play-by-play page so I can see how all three runs in the game were scored. So that double play I thought existed? It didn't. Jason (oh, how I love him!) reached on a force attempt and a run scored because Brett Wallace messed up. I'm not complaining about it, I just wish Tek could have gotten an RBI for that. I feel he should have one. I guess to make up for it, in the bottom of the fifth, Wallace doubled and was driven home by Angel Sanchez to tie the game. Boo! Do. Not. Like. Now to the ninth... Kevin Youkilis walked in a run? Really? That's got to be painful for Houston. Walking in the winning run in the ninth? Ouch. Hey, I'll take it, but that's not a pretty way to win. Luckily, like I say all the time, there are no style points in baseball.

Well, I'm happy, and I very much look forward to watching this game. I love watching wins. It's so much more fun that watching John Lackey... who I will angrily get to in a little while. I've got cookies to hand out first...

It's Miller Time: And Other Completely Overused Expressions

2011-07-05T08:36:00.000-04:00

Let's be truthful here. Saturday's game should have been out of hand in our favor WAY before the eighth inning. There was a lot of squandering, and I never approve of squandering. It started right in the first inning, folks. We had Happ on the ropes from the get-go, lacing three singles in between a pair of walks. It was a delicious, fully-loaded single sandwich (with no pickles), but I guess Salty doesn't like sandwiches because he all but threw it away and then Ronald helped him by closing the lid to the trash bin. We may have gotten three runs out of the deal, but there should have been more. I personally LIKE sandwiches and disapprove of Salty's apparent distaste for them. I'm trying not to dwell. Moving on!

Miller was decent. I'm not going to harp on the few mistakes he made because he is still essentially an itty bitty baby pitcher in a big leager costume. Aside from the first, there really wasn't an inning that he got himself into trouble. The seven hits he gave up seemed to be spread out enough that they weren't concerning. The two runs he allowed didn't put us in a position that I felt that the game was in danger. It was a fairly relaxing game, as far as baseball games go. I appreciate that, Miller. Thank you.

Munchkin drove in another run in the fifth, Yamaico Navarro hit his first home run ever in the big leagues in the seventh (Yay, Yamaico!), and then came the eighth. Knowing how Salty dislikes sandwiches, the guys decided to set up just a plain old single spread and they loaded the bases with no outs. Apparently, he wasn't a fan of that either, but he didn't double-play it this time. He settled for a sac fly. In an effort to save the inning, Ronald hit a 3-run shot out to the train. In case you don't know where the train is, it is far from home plate. I don't know how far, but far. Youkilis added one more run in the ninth for good luck, but I didn't see it because I shut off the TV as soon as Jenks came into the game in the bottom of the 8th. I had no desire to see any of that, even though he supposedly did well.

With those ten runs, the Sox took game two from the Astros and made us forget just a little about how bad they've played during this road trip. Hold on tight, boys and girls, because we've only got one interleague game to go! Try not to cry too much.

Frustrating For Tim: Good For The Win Total

2011-07-05T08:01:00.000-04:00

Now that 4th of July weekend is over, and I've been sufficiently sunburnt, I can catch up on my blogging. Hooray! I know, I'm pretty excited about it, too. What I'm not excited about is the lack of run support for one Timothy Wakefield on Friday night. Scutaro lead off the game with a home run and then they just. Stopped. Hitting. Until Tim came out of the game, that is. After he came out, they just erupted with hits and runs and happy sunshine unicorns. Maybe not that last part. I might have made up that last part.

My dearest Timmy was not having his best day. I'll admit that. Five runs on eleven hits in five and one third to the worst team in baseball? Not the kind of game I would write home about... but in all fairness, I never write home. I'd rather just call. So anyway... we had nothing. The pitching wasn't so hot, there was literally no hitting between our second batter of the game and the end of the sixth inning, and they were in that horrible little park in Houston. Has anyone been there? Is it as horrible as it looks on TV? I don't want to unfairly categorize it as awful if it was just a trick of the light, but it looked like a place I'd never want to be. Ever. For anything.

The top of the seventh began and five straight Sox batters reached base. Two Drews, a Salty, a burger-slinging clown, and Reddickulous combined to bring in two runs and load the bases. Scutaro, looking to take advantage of the situation, promptly struck out, but there was more offense to come. A midget and George Lopez's best friend combined to drive in the last four runs that would be driven in during the game. A single for Munchkin put two on the board, and a double for Ernie matched that. Viola! You have your final score, ladies and fellas. 7-5 Sox.

Timmy didn't get the win, but let's be fair. He didn't deserve it. I'm saddened that he doesn't take a step closer to The Record (is that TM'ed? It should be), but hopefully he'll get many more chances to get that record. And maybe the Sox will remember how to hit WHILE he's on the mound instead of AFTER he comes out of the game. I won't hold my breath for that, though.

Mostly Spine Punches: But Still, A Few Cookies

2011-07-01T10:42:00.000-04:00

After the last nine games, going 3 and 6, I was absolutely prepared to just spine punch everyone. Funny how one little win lightens my mood so much. The only one who is getting punched is Bobby Jenks, and you know he deserves it.

Since Mike Cameron is not on the team any more, he's being removed from the cookie list. I'm sorry, Mike, but you have to make it to the end of the season to get your cookies. Again, I wish you well. Here we go.

Varitek - 59 cookies - 12 cookies for participating in the It Gets Better Project, and six for the two home runs in game three.
Munchkin - 38 cookies, 1 spine punch
Papi - 33 cookies
Wakefield - 31 cookies
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Beckett - 24 cookies
Youk - 17 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch - also gets twelve for the IGBP.
Drew - 14 cookies
Tito - 12 cookies, one Timlin spine punch - Nice participation, Tito. Also, thanks for getting Jenks out before it was too late.
Lester - 11 cookies - plus six for pitching one hell of a game
Crawford - 10 cookies
Dahmer - 8 cookies
Ernie - 7 cookies
Aceves - 6 cookies
Ellsbury - 6 cookies
Salty - 6 cookies, 2 spine punches
Paps - 4 cookies, 1 Timlin spine punch - plus three for finishing the ninth
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Lowrider - 3 cookies
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Dan Wheeler - 1 cookie
Lackey - -14 cookies
Jenks - 3 Timlin spine punches - -1 cookie, plus three spine punches for being worthless.

Red Sox Agree: It Gets Better

2011-07-01T09:21:00.000-04:00

For those who want to see the video that the Red Sox put together to support the "It Gets Better Project" and the "Trevor Project," go on and click right here. I wish I could embed the video, but that little elf Bud Selig won't let me.

It's great to see the Red Sox tossing in their support for these worthy projects. You can read about the "It Gets Better Project" by going to itgetsbetter.org. While you're there, you can pledge to do your part to end hate and intolerance in your community. Having grown up with plenty of friends in the LGBT community, I fully support this cause. It does get better. I've seen it get better. Nice job, Red Sox. And way to give me more reasons to love you, Tek!

Half-assed Live Blogging: Hoping For Some Magic

2011-06-30T12:36:00.015-04:00

The intent was, obviously, to live blog this game for the sake of doing it. I looked at the lineups, and I'm not so sure I want to continue. Youkilis is out with an injured ankle. McDonald is batting second, Pedroia's batting fourth, Tek is batting fifth, and Sutton is somehow in the lineup. Suffice it to say... I miss Crawford, and I miss having Papi in the lineup. Let's hope these nine make me eat my words.

Word coming out right now is that Mike Cameron was designated for assignment, and Yamaico Navarro is being bused in from Pawtucket as we speak. It's sad, because I liked Cameron enough, but it was time. We were getting nothing from him. Good luck, Mike!
****
Ok, first pitch. Let's go before I start internet shopping. I almost just bought a new pair of heels, but at some point in everyone's lives, they need to stop and ask themselves "Just how many zebra print heels do I need?"
****
First inning! Alright! Here we go! Ells gets on and then..... ugh, F**K you, Ronald. You're horrible. That pitch was right down the middle. At least have the decency to strike out and stop dragging everyone down with you. Sometimes I hate you guys. Hopefully Lester is better than you three.

Bottom first! Nice work, Jonny. I felt like you were wasting a few pitches there, but who am I to argue with results? Now you've set a precedent, and I'll know if you're not trying as hard. Just saying.
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Second inning! Man, you guys are going to have to do something, because I cannot keep up this faux enthusiasm all afternoon while you fail at everything. Right now, Sutton and Ernie are tied for the 'Taking the Most Pitches' award. There's no prize. Everyone should want to win, though.

Bottom second! Ok, WHO gave Lester permission to walk anyone? Cause I sure as heck didn't! I can't see Jon's reaction, because I'm GameDaying this, but I'm pretty sure he scowled at the result of his second pitch to Ibanez. It was very strikey. So is Ibanez. Out.
****
Third inning! I swear, if you guys don't muster up something, I'm ditching the exclamation points for the next half inning. That is a threat. Fine, you guys obviously don't love my enthusiasm. It's gone. I'm pouting from now on.

Bottom third. Christ, Jon, he's the pitcher! You can throw him strikes! He threw YOU strikes! Ball one to Jimmy Rollins? CLEARLY a strike, ump. But it doesn't matter. He got them anyway. Perhaps I'll give Jon the enthusiasm back. He seems to be the only one to appreciate it! (<--- see? Enthusiasm! Well earned!)
****
Fourth inning (<--- no enthusiasm. Also well earned). Really, Ronald? Ugh. These are not productive at-bats, gentleman! You might want to take your heads out of your asses and do something. What say you, Munchkin? You say no? Well, I hate you, too.

Bottom fourth! Come on Jon, I hate the rest of your team mates... what? Yes, I am aware I come off as a very angry person. That's not MY fault. It's sort of all you guys' fault. Guess you all know what you need to do to change my outlook on the world, huh? Have I ever mentioned that I disapprove of the shape of Placido Polanco's head? I do. It's a troubling shape. One thing I can say about the home plate ump... he is consistent in missing the bottom of the strike zone. I'd like to know where he thinks that thing ends. Ok.... now I'm really angry. Chase Utley, consider yourself hated. Forever. And Jim Wolf, Mr. Home Plate Umpire, someone needs to explain to you how a strike zone works. You've effectively took away the bottom third of the strike zone from Jon. I blame you for all the failure. And there's a lot of failure going on.
****
Fifth inning. Is it offensive to say that the Sox couldn't get two hits if they were locked in a room with an angry Ike Turner? Is that reference too outdated? I need to get up-to-date with my pop culture references, guys. Ok, failures. Hammels is coming out of the game, presumably with an injury. It's about freakin' time to make the Philly bullpen pay. DO. SOMETHING. USEFUL!

Ok, Tek, taking eight pitches after the starter comes out doesn't count as useful. Nice try, though. You've supplanted Sutton and Ernie as the leader in the "Taking The Most Pitches" award. REDDICKULOUS! You tripled! I am so proud of you! How's third base? Maybe you can come home and then tell your teammates tales of how amazing and beautiful the view from third is, and perhaps it will inspire them to visit third themselves. Maybe? Ok, Sutton. That was useful. I get it. I need to say mean, disparaging things about you guys more often because you are constantly hell-bent on proving me wrong. Great. Keep proving me wrong. I like when you do that. Though, I would have liked it better if you had gotten consecutive hits and runs while Lester had his no-no going. I guess I can't be that picky.

I'm not making promises, but it looks like I'll be handing out cookies after the game after all. Reddick, I hope you like chocolate chip. And Ronald? I hope you don't need your spine for anything. 2-0 Sox.

Bottom fifth! Now we have actual runs, so I can be slightly enthusiastic again! I continue to love Jon Lester, though that pitch count is getting a little high, darling. Keep it in mind for the next inning. Thanks.
****
Top sixth! Jason, my love! Did you hit that home run to shut me up? It worked. I am full of joy again, and it's all thanks to you. Nothing else in this half inning matters. It's all about your home run, darling.

Bottom sixth! Jon Lester keeps rolling. I feel like he took my advice with that whole pitch count thing. Hey Beckett? Lackey? I hope you two are paying attention.
****
Top seventh! I love you, Jon Lester, but I'm glad you don't have to bat for us regularly. Um, Tito... not that I'm complaining about Ronald coming out of the game, but when you have someone who obviously doesn't want to play as much as Drew does, why bother to pinch-hit him? He could have just been a defensive replacement. But fine, let him one-pitch-rally-kill again. Far be it for me to question your decisions.

Bottom seventh! Ok, up over 100 pitches now and allowing a single to Howard? Please stop that. Keep it at two hits. I'd like to update my post about Tek's no, one, and two hitters, and I can't do that unless you stop it. Again, Mr. Wolf decides that he doesn't like calling that many strikes for Jon. Sure, it looked like a close pitch, but it WAS a strike. And on his 120th pitch, Lester struck out Raul Ibanez to end the biggest threat the Phillies had going for them to this point. I can't imagine that he'll be back out for the eight. That would be stupid, Tito.
****
Top eighth! Munchkin finally breaks out of his slump and homers! Two home runs in one game? My God, I don't even know what to make of this, but I like it.... TEK! Again! Oh my, I didn't think I could love you any more than I already did, but a two home run game has exponentially increased my love for all things Jason. Limited playing time does wonders for my darling. Just for the record, I would willingly take more half-innings like that any day.

So, I wrote out the rest of the game, but Blogger decided to Jenks it up and it is no longer here. I have no desire to rehash the Jenksing, so all you need to know is that Bobby was horrible, Lester got the win, and Paps made a save. All in all, a pretty good Thursday!

No Cookies For Anyone: Just Bruised Spines

2011-06-30T08:47:00.000-04:00

I'm not updating the cookie chart. I didn't want to update it for the Padres series either, but in this case, there's no point. Despite the results of this afternoon's game, I'm giving two spine punches to everyone on the team. The only cookies are going to Tek, because my friend and I decided that he has to be suffering, knowing there's nothing he can do to stop this disaster theater. Yep. I'm claiming that Tek is the victim here. Tek and all the rest of us.

I'm not sure what's with this team. I feel like I've written a hundred posts just like this so far this season. They're streaky. I understand that baseball players tend to be somewhat streaky in general, but how is it that they're constantly streaking well or poorly at the same time? There's got to be some crazy voodoo involved in all of this. It wasn't bothering me so much before, and I was doing my best to find positives from the shitshow, but now it's just irritating. They're burying themselves. We are suddenly facing a 2.5 game deficit in our division.... and if they think I'm going to tolerate the Yankees being ahead of us this season, when we so clearly have the better all-around team, they are absolutely wrong. There will be smiting. So much smiting.

So let's analyze last night's game together, shall we? The Sox managed five hits off of Worley. Only one of them, John Lackey's RBI double (?!) went for extra bases. Ronald McDonald had a double off of Lee the night before. Salty had a double on Sunday. In the last three games, we have a total of three extra base hits, and none of them are better than a double. We can't use the excuse that Papi wasn't in the lineup last night. I'm not sure what excuse we CAN use. It seems that the outfield is a huge talent destroyer. Once we put someone in the outfield, they become useless... Adrian Gonzalez. Just saying. Though it's nice to see that he didn't shrivel into broken dust the minute he stepped onto the grass. So that was nice.

Lackey may have helped his own cause with the RBI, but then he detrimentally allowed the winning run to score two innings later. Was it worth it to get our hopes up, John? Was it? You just love to crush our hopes and dreams, don't you? Thanks for that. You pitched just well enough to lose, and you made kittens cry. Well done.

I don't know. I don't enjoy the way they're playing right now. I honestly hope that the upcoming hot streak will be worth the disappointing interleague play. I have to believe there's a hot streak coming, because that's their pattern, and they've programmed me to be expecting it. Can Crawford come back now, please?

Oh Bud Selig: Commissioner Complains About Dodgers

2011-06-28T08:14:00.000-04:00

Really, Bud Selig? Do you really believe that you are in ANY position to complain about anyone acting outside of baseball's best interests? It smells a little hypocritical.

Apparently, Buddy isn't too happy about Frank McCourt filing for bankruptcy. He was, presumably, offended and hurt emotionally at the thought that the McCourts could be running the Dodgers into the ground. So what does he do? He releases a statement to whine publicly, JUST so Frank McCourt knows he's unhappy. From the article:

"We have consistently communicated to Mr. McCourt that any potential solution to his problems that contemplates mortgaging the future of the Dodgers franchise to the long-term detriment of the club, its loyal fans and the game of Baseball would not be acceptable."

Oh Bud. Long-term detriment to the game of baseball? I guess you know all about that. What about that whole steroid thing? It was pretty big news, and just about everyone knew about it.... except you? You want me to believe that? Ok.

How about how in the age of technology, you have limited access to all clips of anything MLB related to the ridiculously slow MLB.com, which no one wants to go to? All the kids are on YouTube, Bud. You would think that you'd want them to see clips of great moments in baseball history in the hopes that at least a few of them would want to pick a team and follow along. No? Fine.

What about suspending game 5 of the 2008 World Series because you apparently can't figure out how to get someone to track the weather? Wasn't that pretty detrimental to the game of baseball? You know, holding off the most important moment of the baseball season because heaven forbid Fox doesn't get a baseball game that night? Oh, I know it makes good business sense, but definitely not good baseball sense. If you can change the date and time of any other MLB game for any reason at any time, that should apply to the playoffs. Who wants to sit in the rain to watch the World Series? On the east coast? IN OCTOBER?! Do you know how cold the rain on the east coast is in October?! No? Alright.

Should we even get into the 2002 All Star Game and the havoc caused by that? Because I'm not so sure we want to get into it.

And if you want me to get irrational, we could always discuss Buddy-boy's refusal to overturn the bad call on Armando Galarraga's perfect game. Everyone in the baseball-aware world knew it was a bad call. Jim Joyce admitted he had blown the call. The RIGHT thing would have been to just change the call and award Galarraga the perfect game that he rightfully pitched. Did he change it? Nope! Of course not!

And maybe it's just me, but the $500,000 fine to John Henry for his 2009 comments about revenue sharing seems more like a school yard bully beating up someone for complaining that they've been beaten up. I know that kind of money is nothing to John Henry. I'm pretty sure he pays JD Drew that every time he ties his shoes. The fact that MLB is so infallible that they can't handle criticism doesn't sit right with me.

I could mention dozens of other instances of Bud being detrimental to the game of baseball (such as collusion in the 80's, the strike of '94... it goes on and on). And while I'm almost positive that I'm blowing his comment to Frank McCourt out of proportion, I'm allowed to do it. And he can't fine me for it.

Not Swept: One Out Of Three... Aint... Bad?

2011-06-27T09:19:00.000-04:00

Hi! I'm back from my little impromptu vacation during which I did nothing but bake cookies and do laundry. Exciting life, I know. It's just that people can't get enough of the cookies so I'm forced into slave labor. It happens to everyone, right? Wait, that's not all I did. I watched baseball, too. Oh my, what a disaster Pittsburg turned into.

The whole series was honestly pretty shameful. Marco Scutaro, I'm going to have Mike Timlin punch you so hard in the spine, you'll be temporarily paralyzed. Kevin Youkilis, I'm not so sure you made a single play at third ALL WEEKEND. I was watching you. It was ugly. Actually, everyone's fielding was ugly. Scutaro, Reddick, Cameron.... guys, come on! We had something like six errors in the last four games, and that's not even accounting for the misplays that weren't called errors. I know you all are tired and the ASB is coming up, but you're not there yet! So cut the shit and field your positions. My God, you were all terrible.

Luckily, by the grace of whatever, they did manage to salvage the last game of the series, but just barely. It seemed kind of apparent to me that Ronald McDonald's cousin James really wanted to decapitate our Munchkin. Three times he threw up and in on Pedroia. I don't know what point he was trying to make, but you do not maim the Munchkin! We sort of need him.

Our terrible defense was offset by the even worse defense of the Pirates. It's troubling that we almost couldn't score runs without their help. Only one run was earned, the rest were handed to us. I'll willingly take them, but I sincerely hope that the Sox re-find the delightful swagger they possessed when they won 11 out of 12 against our ALE foes.

It's really hard not to harp on the negatives when they just played so poorly in their last two series and fell out of first in the division. I think I've done enough harping. Except for this... seriously, JD? How do you foul a ball off your own face? You're ridiculous! Ok, now the harping is over. We've got today off to reflect on the absurdity of the last week, and then we march Beckett's sick face out to square off against Cliff Lee. Frightening? For us, sure, but I think that Josh kept himself out of the lineup intentionally so he could face Cliff Lee on Tuesday. It's all in his master plan, folks. Trust in Josh.... or he might hurt you.

I Hate John Lackey: No, I Really Do

2011-06-23T09:32:00.000-04:00

I sat in Fenway yesterday through rain delay after rain delay. It was by FAR the most rain delays I've ever sat through. And for what? To watch John Lackey do THAT?

After hours of traffic that shouldn't have existed this morning, hours of traffic that I expected coming home from the game yesterday, sitting in the bleachers and getting soaked, and wasting vacation time to watch John Lackey do THAT? Well, I'll tell ya, I'm just in no mood to recap that shit show. No mood at all. Nor am I in the mood to recap Tuesday's game, which was not NEARLY as bad. Alfredo Aceves, I forgive you. And in comparison to Lackey, I think I love you.

I'll spare you guys my frustration and anger, but on days like that, I think John Lackey should be forced to take that giant paycheck that he did not earn and issue refunds for everyone who wasted time and money to sit and watch him do THAT. So much money.... so much rain.... for that. I'm rightfully angry. I booed him. I NEVER NEVER NEVER boo my own players, but I couldn't control myself. It just sort of happened. It was an accident, and I feel badly about it.

Anyway, we have a nice off day to stew about the craptacular pitching of John Lackey and to think about how nice a new winning streak behind the delightful (he better be delightful!) arm of Jon Lester is going to be. I'm thinking it's going to be super nice. That sounds good, doesn't it? Happy thoughts, guys, on this icky, rainy, trafficky day.

Tale of Two Games: Sox Destroy Padres' Bullpen

2011-06-21T07:55:00.001-04:00

This is David Ortiz. You might know him as the man who took 14 pitches in the first inning.
This was a tight, exciting game, yes it was. For six and a half whole innings, this game was close and tense, and we didn't know what was going to happen. That is what I'm going to refer to as game one. Andrew Miller debuted in game one and pitched serviceably until the 6th inning when he gave up a three-run home run and blew his own game. He couldn't finish the 6th, but I can't fault him for that because game two, also known as the bottom of the seventh and beyond, made up for it. First, a quick review of game one.

The most important thing to know is that I love Dave Roberts. You also love Dave Roberts, because it's the law. Seeing his happy, healthy, smiling face makes every bit of my day a little better, even my commute. Despite his happiness, I was still a little peeved in the first inning. Why, you ask? Well, another first inning bases loaded situation came and went, and the Sox minimized their own damage. After a seven-minute 14-pitch at bat to Papi, Ronald took one pitch and boom! Out. Scutaro took five, but he also wasted the runners. I didn't appreciate that lack of effort. Still, we almost came out of game one with the lead. We settled for a tie.

Couldn't find my pictures of Ernie, so I figured Tek is always a safe bet.
The seventh was it's own beast. Almost all of the relevant offensive points for the Sox took place in the seventh. First, Munchkin and Ernie teamed up to put the Sox back on top with a walk (technically to CRW, but Munchkin grounded into a force-out and took his place on first) and a wall-ball double. Yay, we're winning! Good enough, right?

No, apparently. Because it kept going. An intentional walk to Papi to load the bases. Scutaro gets hit by a pitch... then Varitek gets hit by a pitch. We've got a three-run lead now. Reddickulous singles, two runs score. 8-3. CRW singles. Pedroia walks and Tek comes in. 9-3. Ernie singles and two come in. 11-3. Youkilis doubles and two more come in. 13-3 Sox. The Padres threw more than 60 pitches in the 7th alone. Where were all these two-out hits in April?!

CRW added one more bases-loaded walk in the 8th, just to, you know, demoralize the Padres. They looked fairly demoralized. Bud Black looked like he couldn't seem to wake up from a terrible nightmare. Dave Roberts... eh, I think he was still smiling.

You knew the game was a laugher when Don and Jerry started... well, laughing. Laughing about chickens in the crowd. Laughing about their promo. Laughing that Jerry doesn't undo his ties. I know... it has nothing to do with baseball, but I sure do enjoy listening to them go off on tangents and get so worked up that they can't breathe. It's the little things, guys.

Josh is sick, presumably from high-fiving Youkilis after Youk spit on his hands. Again, baseball players are gross! Wash your hands, you slobs. So Aceves is taking his spot in the rotation today. What are the odds that Lackey falls ill tomorrow? I really hate the thought of wasting a beautiful day at Fenway having to see Lackey pitch.

Brewers Series: Cookies. Lots of Cookies.

2011-06-20T11:44:00.000-04:00

I've got many, many pictures of Pedroia
It helps that Munchkin earned cookies this week, otherwise having him head the post would be silly, wouldn't it? Everyone who is DL'ed gets cookies this week, because cookies make people feel better. There were a few planned spine punches, but because of all the injuries, I've taken Timlin off task. Wouldn't want him straining his fist.

Varitek - 41 cookies - plus 2 for Game 1 RBI double, plus 2 for catching Chara's first pitch.
Munchkin - 38 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus 3 for key game 1 DP, plus 2 for game three home run
Papi - 33 cookies - plus 1 for being an RBI in game 2
Wakefield - 31 cookies - plus 12 for being incredible!
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Beckett - 24 cookies
Drew - 14 cookies
Crawford - 10 cookies - plus 3 for being hurt
Dahmer - 8 cookies - plus 3 for being hurt
Ernie - 7 cookies - for having 1,000 career hits
Aceves - 6 cookies
Ellsbury - 6 cookies - plus 2 for having a multi-hit game in inning 1 of game 3
Salty - 6 cookies, 2 spine punches - plus 3 for batting in runs in game 2
Lester - 5 cookies - minus 3 for a bad game
Youk - 5 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch - plus 1 for being an RBI in game 2
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Cameron - 3 cookies 1 Timlin spine punch - plus 3 for batting in runs in game 2
Lowrider - 3 cookies for being injured
Jenks - 1 cookie
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Paps - 1 cookie 1 Timlin spine punch
Dan Wheeler - 1 cookie
Lackey - -14 cookies - plus 3 for not being too horrible
Tito - 1 Timlin spine punch

Almost One Year Ago: Trio of Injuries Hurts Sox

2011-06-20T10:42:00.000-04:00

Once the news came down that Dahmer was on the DL, I was definitely having flashbacks of last year. All the problems started in June. This season, June 17, 18, and 19 found us with injuries to Jed Lowrie, Carl Crawford, and Clay Buchholz (in that order). Last year, on June 25, 26, and 27 in San Francisco, we lost Dustin Pedroia, Clay Buchholz, and Victor Martinez to injuries.

Is it just me, or are we going to have to start keeping Dahmer wrapped in bubble wrap for the month of June? Look, I'm not trying to start a panic here. I don't think this team is going to suffer as many problems as last year's team did. If they do, I'll be the goat and you can all blame me.... but I CAN'T be the only one who thought of last year after three injuries to key players in three days. I just can't.

You thought about it, too. Even if you didn't, you're thinking about it now and realizing that I'm right. You might also be getting a little nervous, much like I am. You shouldn't be. I'm nervous for sports all the time. It's a superstition thing. So let ME be nervous, and you just go ahead and relax. I'll be ok, too, especially since I know Kevin Cash has no reason to come back. You're not welcome on my team, Cash! /rant

Foghorns At Fenway: Sox Powerplay On Point

2011-06-19T20:22:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, Tim Wakefield
Nine wins is all that separates Timmy and the all-time wins record. How fantastic was he today? Answer: Very fantastic. It seems that every time you pair Tim Wakefield and Tim Thomas, good things happen. The Bruins, of course, were in the house to celebrate their Stanley Cup championship with the Sox. Watching #33 Captain Zdeno Chara throw out the first pitch to #33 Captain Jason Varitek was incredible. In honor of the B's, the Sox let the foghorn echo every time we scored a run. The foghorn got a strenuous workout today.

Tim, though. Tim is unbelievable. This man just keeps chugging along, pitching innings, confusing batters, and lately being a Beckett-level badass (without the Beckettesque attitude). Today, in just another day's work, Timmy pitched eight innings of three-hit ball. Two of those hits were home runs, and the other was a double. The only other baserunner Nyjer Morgan, who reached on a walk in the 5th. All Tim needed to dominate the Brewers was 99 pitches. Yet another quality start for the elder statesman. Yes, Jim Rice, he IS a horse.

As for the foghorn... there were only three innings where it didn't have a job to do. Shame on you, innings 2,3, and 8. You're off the hook, 9th inning, because we didn't have to play you. By the time the first inning was over, CRW had a multi-hit game going, and the foghorn had sounded six time. SIX TIMES. Munchkin got the foghorn screaming again in the fifth inning with a solo home run to straightaway center field. That home run was followed by Ernie's 1000th career hit... a triple, no less! Two batters later, Ortiz beat out the throw to first, preventing a double play and scoring Ernie from third. In the fifth, the horn sounded for Munchkin again as his sac fly scored Reddickulous from third. At this point, everyone on the team except for Scutaro had collected at least one hit.

Scoots didn't have to wait much longer, as he hammered a ball into the monster seats in the 6th, plating two more runs and letting the horn sing again. In the seventh, Ernie singled in Drew Sutton, who had been running for Munchkin. Too bad they didn't have him run for Youkilis, who was hobbling around pretty bad out there at the end of the inning. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he's not hurt.

Aside from the news that Dahmer is now on the DL with a stiff back, this was a beautiful day at Fenway. And of course, Dahmer is only injured because the sports gods are doing everything in their power to get Wake those nine wins. Don't be surprised if Lackey ends up with another mysterious injury when Clay is ready to come back. And no, it won't have anything to do with Mike Timlin.

George Kottaras: We Are No Longer Friends

2011-06-19T19:09:00.000-04:00

We were buddies once. No longer.
Sure, Jon Lester struggled, but George... this is your fault. The loss is your fault. I'm sorry, but we can no longer be friends, and you need to return my CDs because only my friends can borrow my CDs. His third inning home run was technically the run that did us in. I don't care about the run that came after that. Casey McGeehee is fictional, as far as I'm concerned, so his run does not impact my life. But George? How could you?

Other people I do not want to be friends with are Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder. In the first inning, after Jonny had already tossed up two solo home runs, I said to Ryan Braun that I would be his best friend if he would just strike out. He doubled. I gave the same offer to Prince Fielder in the top of the 3rd. He walked. These guys are just mean. I get it. You don't want to be friends. Don't worry, I'll stop calling and asking you to hang out because I don't even like you any more.

On our side of the ball, Salty and Cameron were the only ones who bothered to bring those RBI's I asked for. Youkilis and Ortiz managed to get on base and set up those RBIs, but they didn't bring any of their own. Seriously, rest of the team, how are we supposed to have a baseball party without RBIs? It was incredibly inconsiderate of you to forget them. Why even have a party at all?

I'm not so mad at Jon Lester, because I am mentally unable to place blame on him. He gave up four runs, but he pitched eight innings and gave our hitters every opportunity to get back into the game. They decided not to. That was their choice. So, Jon doesn't get his tenth win, but if all goes well, he'll get another chance at it. Also, did I mention that Lowrider is on the DL? I can't remember if I mentioned it. It doesn't matter. Just like the last loss, I can't get all bent out of shape about it because we're still on top of our division. But I can promise you, I'll never invite George to my birthday parties again.

John Lackey: Better Buy Pedroia Dinner

2011-06-19T18:40:00.000-04:00

Jacoby led off the first with a HR, so he leads off the blog, too.

That was... man, that was a long first inning. The rest of the game wasn't that bad, but the first inning was something like 45 minutes long. It was also scary. Carl Crawford, who hustled his butt off down to first, came up lame and instantly came out of the game. Hamstring injury. Disabled list. Damnit. The plus side was that we matched the two runs that Lackey allowed (the first on a leadoff HR for CRW). On the Brewers side, Shawn Marcum also came out with an injury after throwing 44 pitches.

In the second after a Munchkin walk and an Ernie double, Youk smacked a 2-run single to put us on top for... oh, about five minutes. Lackey gave the two runs right back in the top of the third, but he settled down after that and still managed to go 8 innings. The key play in the game was the double play Munchkin turned in the 3rd. The double play came after four straight hits and two runs that Lackey surrendered pretty quickly. Describing the DP is impossible. It was incredible. It was a play that only Pedroia could make, and he made it perfectly. After that play, I started feeling good about the game. I know I wasn't the only one. Lackey better have thanked him profusely with words, food, and alcohol.

The Sox weren't done scoring even if the Brewers were. Ernie led off the 5th with a solo home run, finally putting us in the lead for good. Unfortunately, Youkilis came out of the game with 'intestinal distress.' Word to the Red Sox: If you guys would stop spitting on yourselves and high-fiving everyone, intestinal distress wouldn't spread so quickly around the clubhouse. You're all gross. Baseball players are gross. Tangent. Anyway... The sixth was my favorite, because the 6th featured offense from Varitek and that will always beat out anything else. JD walked and Tek doubled him in. Two batters later, Munchkin singled him in. In the 7th, Ronald (who came in to replace Carl) drove in a run, and JD drove in a pair... and that was all the scoring that would happen.

The injuries are starting to pile up again. It's a tad bit frightening, and I know I'm not the only one who has mild PTSD from last season's injury-fest. Crawford was officially put on the DL, and Josh Reddick was called up to take his place. I hope Carl heals quickly, but in the meantime, I will enjoy Reddick's presence.

Tampa Series: Cookies and Spine Punches

2011-06-19T17:28:00.000-04:00

Love this picture

Another series win for the Sox, and the first time in a long time that I assign spine punches. Sorry guys. You deserve it. But on the cookie side of things, I had several dozen to hand out, so good job! And Varitek (as expected) is in the lead!

Varitek - 37 cookies - plus 6 for another one-hitter
Munchkin - 33 cookies, 1 spine punch - plus 2 for triple in gm 2
Papi - 32 cookies
Tommy Hottovy - 25 cookies
Beckett - 24 cookies - plus twelve for ONE HITTER!
Wakefield - 19 cookies - plus 12 for pitching his butt off (even if he lost)
Drew - 14 cookies
Lester - 8 cookies
Crawford - 7 cookies - -3 for bad series overall
Aceves - 6 cookies
Dahmer - 5 cookies
Ellsbury - 4 cookies
Youk - 4 cookies and 1 Timlin spine punch - plus three for home run (also +2 spine punches for gm 1, -2 spine punches for home run)
Scutaro - 3 cookies
Salty - 3 cookies, 2 spine punches - spine punches for forgetting how to catch the knuckleball
Jenks - 1 cookie
Ernie - 1 cookies
Michael Bowden - 1 cookie
Paps - 1 cookie 1 Timlin spine punch - one cookie for a game three save
Dan Wheeler - 1 cookie
Lackey - -17 cookies
Cameron - 1 Timlin spine punch.
Tito - 1 Timlin spine punch

Eleven: One

2011-06-17T08:12:00.000-04:00

That's math that Paps can get behind. Since June 3rd, the Sox have put together a happy, shiny 11-1 record. That one loss was stupid, and I think we should petition to have it removed from the record books just for the reason that I didn't like it. Oh, if only the world worked like that.

In frustrating fashion, the Sox left the bases loaded in each of the first two innings. Crawford and Scutaro both looked helpless at the plate when their teams needed them to make an effort. This wasn't the kind of homecoming I expected out of Crawford. Spine punches are in his future. I can just feel it. Lowrider broke himself in the first inning and seems to be headed for the DL (and I base that on nothing but the fact that he's been having issues with that shoulder), and then Clay broke himself after the fifth inning and had to go, I don't know, cry in a corner somewhere?

There were bases-loaded walks and doubles and home runs and... well, baseball generally happened. At this point, you're probably wondering if I even watched the game. Sure I did. I don't think Price hit Youkilis intentionally in the first inning! See? Proof. I don't know. I don't think I have anything to say today. I guess I'll just say Lackey vs. Marcum tonight. Have a great weekend everyone!

ERA: Geekiness

2011-06-16T14:58:00.000-04:00

I'm a giant nerd most of the time when it comes to baseball. I realized this morning that Josh Beckett's 1.86 ERA is almost exactly half of Jon Lester's 3.73 ERA. If you want to go ahead and look at the numbers yourself, they can be found easily and conveniently here, though I promise that the 1.86 and the 3.73 look the same on this page and that page.

It doesn't matter, really, but it made me smile. And perhaps if there are any silly nerds like me out there, it will make them smile, too. That is all. Sorry for the interruption. Please get back to your lives.